I have got a set of inlaws who have been rude, unhospitable and worse insinuate my spouse by sending very nasty emails of me and my family, always complaining about me and my parents, and in general inciting my husband against me
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
hello, i have been married two years.
I have got a set of inlaws who have been rude, unhospitable and worse insinuate my spouse by sending very nasty emails of me and my family, always complaining about me and my parents, and in general inciting my husband against me. They come from a very backward thought that somehow the man`s side is very superior and women and their side always have to bend.
As a result of the constant spate of provocations from the in-laws my husband has been constantly physically abusing me and calling me and family very very horrible names. Please give me advice of how to deal with this issue.
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 11:
11 O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh (mock, abuse, revile, etc) others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former). Nor let some women laugh (mock, abuse, revile, etc) others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former). Nor defame, nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) the wrong doers.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 1740 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘A believer does not taunt, curse, abuse, or talk indecently.’
Beloved sister in Islam, it is just not consonant with the character of a believer that he/she taunts, curses, abuses, mocks, or talks indecently about others; leave alone those who are related to one either through blood or through marriage. Such talk and acts are absolutely detestable in the Sight of Allah and if one does not repent and seek forgiveness from their Lord for their transgression, one will have a severe accounting indeed in the Presence of the Majestic Lord on an Inevitable Day.
Your Question: Please give me advice of how to deal with this issue.
Beloved Sister, the only thing that can stop one oppressing another, or transgressing any of the Commands of Islam is the constant fear of that Inevitable Day of Accounting in the Presence of the Lord Most High; thus the only long term solution to the issue of constant abuse would be that first and foremost you yourself get more aligned and live your life fearing of your Lord Most High, and humbly and politely, with patience and wisdom, strive to instill the fear of Allah Subhanah into your husband. It is only when both parties fear Allah and strive to live their lives within the boundaries and guidance of Allah, can they permanently experience the love, mercy, generosity, and harmony that becomes of a believing marriage.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
Dear and Beloved sister, if after all your striving to instill the fear of Allah into your husband does not improve his relations with you, you have one of two lawful options:
- Bear the abuse with patience and save your marriage with the assurance that your Lord Most High is well aware of the condition of each of His slaves, and, without an iota of a doubt, He will hold to severe account every oppressor who has unjustly oppressed another on an Inevitable Day.
- If you cannot bring yourself to bear the abuse any longer, you are well within your rights in Islam to initiate a divorce proceedings against your abusive husband; and there would be absolutely no blame or sin upon you.
May Allah Subhanah have mercy upon you and bestow wisdom upon you to make a decision which is best for you in this world and the Hereafter. Ameen.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,