Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Hello Brother,

Q1: is your first cousin considered mehram? (your khala`s , your mamu`s son/daughter)

Q2: Scenario: dad is going to meet his male friend. his daughter comes along. so there are 2 guys ( the dad and his friend ) and 1 girl (the daughter). the daughter says it is ok bcoz she is with a mehram (her dad). the dad says it is inappropriate. Please let me know. Can a girl go with a mehram anywhere even if he (the mehram) is going to hang out with other guy friends ??

Q3: I have had argument with my mother and havent talked to her in 3 months. i dont feel like talking to her coz we dont get along. and i think even if i did, i wont feel satisfactory as in my heart i dont care about respecting my mom. On the other hand, i am a very pious muslim. i read the quran, offer prayers, and do many small good deeds. Will i get punished for dis-respecting my mother or will my other good deeds even this out ???

Q4: can a guy wear shorts? how long or short does it need to be ? and can a woman wear shorts too ?

can i guy go swimming wearing shorts and sleeveless shirt in public?

can women wear same clothes and go swimming in public ?

PLEASE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AS SOON AS YOU CAN BECAUSE IT IS REALLY URGENT.

Thanks a lot and may ALLAH bless you.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Are cousins mehram?

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Q1: is your first cousin considered mehram? (your khala`s , your mamu`s son/daughter)

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 22-23:

And do not marry at all those women whom your father had married, though what has happened in the past is excepted. This is an indecent and abominable thing and an evil practice.

Forbidden to you are your mothers, daughters, sisters, paternal aunts, maternal aunts, brother’s daughters, sister’s daughters, your foster mothers who have given suckle to you, your foster sisters who have taken suckle with you, the mothers of your wives, the daughters of your wives whom you have brought up, the daughters of your wives with whom you have conjugal relations, and it is not sinful for you to marry their daughters (after having divorced them). Also forbidden to you are the wives of your sons who are from your loins, and it is unlawful for you to keep two real sisters as wives at one and the same time, though what has happened in the past is excepted, for Allah is indeed Forgiving, Merciful.

Brother, I will give you a general list where almost all the mehrams are included. There are a lot of legal technicalities when a foster or suckle relationship is concerned, thus we will not for the moment get into those details and the legal technicalities of that relationship. If you have a question regarding if a particular suckle-relation is mehram or not, it would be easier if you asked that specifically.

List of Mehram of the woman:

Husband

Father (includes grand father, great grand father, great great grand father, etc.)

Sons (includes sons’s and daughter’s sons, grand sons, and so on)

Brother ( includes brother’s sons, his sons, and so on)

Sister’s sons (includes sister’s son’s sons, his sons, and so on)

Paternal and Maternal uncles

Son in law

Father in law

step father

step sons (includes his sons, grand sons, etc.)

All the men who have shared the suckle of the woman she suckled with.

List of Mehram of the man:

Wife

Mother (includes grand mother, and so on)

Daugther (includes son’s and daughter’s grand daughters, and so on)

Brother’s daughters (includes their daughters, grand daughters, and so on)

Sister (includes their daughters, grand daughters, and so on)

Paternal and Maternal aunties

Daughter in law

Mother in law

Step mother

Step daughter (includes her daughters, and so on)

All the women who have shared the suckle of the woman he suckled with.

Cousins (uncle’s or aunt’s children) are not considered mehrams in Islam.

Q2: Scenario: dad is going to meet his male friend. his daughter comes along. so there are 2 guys ( the dad and his friend ) and 1 girl (the daughter). the daughter says it is ok bcoz she is with a mehram (her dad). the dad says it is inappropriate. Please let me know. Can a girl go with a mehram anywhere even if he (the mehram) is going to hang out with other guy friends ??

If the girl is Islamically covered and behaves within the boundaries of Islam, there is absolutely no harm if she accompanies her mehram guardian like her father, or brother, or uncle, etc. to visit or meet their friends, should the need or circumstance arise.

Q3: I have had argument with my mother and havent talked to her in 3 months. i dont feel like talking to her coz we dont get along. and i think even if i did, i wont feel satisfactory as in my heart i dont care about respecting my mom. On the other hand, i am a very pious muslim. i read the quran, offer prayers, and do many small good deeds. Will i get punished for dis-respecting my mother or will my other good deeds even this out ???

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14: And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (Hear the command:) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 1: O mankind! Reverence your Guardian-Lord Who created you from a single person, created of like nature his mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women; reverence Allah through Whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (that bore you): for Allah ever watches over you.

After the rights due to Allah Subhanah, in Islam the biggest rights in all mankind is due to our parents. And after the rights of parents, is the rights of our near relatives, far relatives, muslims, neighbors, etc. In Islam, the law is that one must give all the rights due to each, without effecting the rights of others.

Regarding the rights and obligations of our parents upon us, it is imperative and obligatory on every believer, who fears Allah and the Last Day, to treat and obey his parents in absolutely everything, except if they ask you to do something which is against the command of Allah and His Messenger (saws). Other than that, their word is basically a command for us! We are not allowed in any circumstance to groan, moan, growl, whimper or even say ‘uff’ to them! We have to obey them in every respect, as long as their command is not against Allah and His Messenger (saws). We have been enjoined by Allah Subhanah to be kind to them, be patient with them, be merciful to them, be absolutely obedient to them, and treat them with the utmost respect. So much so, that this right and obligation is termed ‘fard ain’ (absolutely obligatory for every individual) in Islam. And ‘fard ain’ means, that no matter how old one is … 10-20-50 or 90… as along as one or both of one’s parents are alive, we have to be obedient to them! No one can do this on our behalf… we have the obligation to do it ourself! This is the high station and the elevated ‘maqaam’ of parents in Islam.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

That he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the Gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition (Jihad) and I have come to consult you.” He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Great Sins, he (saws) said, "They are:

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

(4) And to give false witness."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

Just short of the abomination and the unforgivable sin of ‘shirk’ or associating other deities with Allah Subhanah, the biggest amongst the Great Sins in Islam is being disrespectful or disobedient to one’s parents!

Your Question 3A: Will i get punished for dis-respecting my mother or will my other good deeds even this out ???

Beloved brother, it is indeed true and in accordance with the principle in Islam that good deeds obliterate evil deeds; but the sin of disrespecting parents is so grave and so henious in the sight of Allah Subhanah, that there is a definite risk that all the good deeds of the world might not be enough to obliterate this (second) gravest of the Greatest Sins in the Just and Supreme Court of Allah Subhanah!

Allah Subhanah has left the doors of repentance and Taubah open for mankind until they meet with their appointment of death, and sincere Taubah and repentance indeed wipes out and obliterates even the Greatest of sins!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54: (O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54: When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Beloved Brother, seek sincere repentance from Allah Subhanah and seek forgiveness from your mother if you have hurt her feelings in any way; it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful. Short of your mother commanding you to worship others with Allah Subhanah, there is absolutely nothing between the heavens and earth which should inspire you to disobey or disrespect her, regardless of whatever she does or says to you! It is a direct command of Allah Subhanah on all those who have professed belief in Him and the Last Day, that they are to unconditionally obey their parents. Thus my beloved brother, we remind you and we remind ourselves to respect parents with the utmost respect, obey them with paramount obedience, be kind to till the word ‘kind’ becomes insignificant, be patient with them till patience becomes penitence, and lower your wings of humility and tenderness to them in reverence and awe for all that they did for us when we were insignificant and helpless in our infancy and childhood!

Allah is our witness brother, this one deed of being obedient and respectful to our parents might just over-weigh all our other goods (except the deeds of Tawheed) in the Supreme Balance of Scales of Justice in the Presence of the Lord Most Merciful!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

That he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the Gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the Gate, or lose it."

Q4A: can a guy wear shorts? how long or short does it need to be ?

The ‘satr’ or the parts of the body of the man that are required to be covered from everyone except one’s wives, are from his navel to his knees inclusive. Thus if a man wears shorts that are long enough to cover his body parts between his navel and his knees inclusive, he would meet the minimum standard of appropriate dressing for a believer.

Q4-B: and can a woman wear shorts too ?

The ‘satr’ of the women in the presence of non-mehram men is her whole body, and the minimum in front of her mehram male relatives and other women is her body parts from her bosom to her knees inclusive. She may wear (or unwear) anything she wishes in the privy presence of her husband.

Q4-C: can i guy go swimming wearing shorts and sleeveless shirt in public?

If the body parts between the navel and the knees inclusive of a believing man is covered, he would be considered in ‘satr’ of his body parts; and thus there is no harm if he goes swimming in public in this attire.

Q4-D: can women wear same clothes and go swimming in public ?

The ‘satr’ of the believing women in public or where non-mehram males might be present is her whole body; thus it would not be appropriate and against the guidance of Islam for a believing women to wear shorts and sleeveless shirts in public.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan