How to approach for marriage?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa
Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be
upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaam Aleikum wa
Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah`s Peace,
Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you). Dear Mr Burhan, I was introduced to this forum by a friend, may
Allah reward him for his action, and he told me that I could ask questions in
relation to clarify things according to shari`a. May
Allah reward you for what you are doing, I`ve never
seen anything like it. I will pray, in sha Allah, for
you so you can continue to provide the knowledge for who ever asks for it, and elighten their hearts and minds with the truth of islam (baraka `LLAH fikom jami`an).
My question is: I`m a single man searching to get married, but the truth is
that I don`t know how a man
should appraoch his wife according to the Quor`an and the sunnah of the
Prophet (saws), and without crossing what Allah has forbid us.
For that I fear I
might fall into something which I don`t have any
knowledge. I ask you to clarify to me, with your knowledge, on what Allah and
his prophet (saws) have told us in this regard.
I admit that I`m not knowlegable person, but I`m seaking it, may Allah give us a grant us knoledge
so we can spread the word of islam. Assalma Aleykom wa Rahmato
Allah.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions,
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confidentiality.)
Answer:
How to approach for marriage?
In the name of Allah, We praise
Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can
misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We
bear witness that there is no one (no idol,
no person, no grave, no
prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone,
and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of
His Messengers.
May Allah Subhanah
reward you with the best in this life and the hereafter for your kind words of
encouragement and your supplications for the brothers and sisters who volunteer
their humble efforts on this forum. May Allah increase your and our knowledge in
the deen, guide us, have mercy on us, forgive us our
short-comings, and save you and us all from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.
Your Question: I`m a single man
searching to get married, but the truth is that I don`t
know how a man should appraoch his wife according to
the Quor`an and the sunnah of the Prophet (saws).
The Messenger of Allah (saws)
said in an authentic narration that a man marries a woman, or a woman marries a
man, for one of four reasons:
His/Her wealth
His/Her lineage
His/Her beauty
His/Her deen
He (saws) advised the believers
to make the deen the prime objective when choosing a
spouse in marriage; for the rest are transitory and may be a cause of trial in
this world.
The Messenger of
Allah (saws) said in another authentic narration: ‘The whole world is
a provision (from Allah); and the best of provisions is a righteous wife.’
In light of the above
narrations, a believer must always make the deen of
the person he/she wishes to marry the prime objective; and whoever obeys the
command and advice of Allah and His Messenger (saws) will never ever go astray.
If one already knows someone he
wants to marry, then he must approach the woman’s father, brother, uncle or any
of her mehram males, and tell them his
intention. It is not permissible in
Islam to send secret letters or messages, or try to contact the woman
directly. The proposal is best sent with
someone, or the man can himself approach the woman’s father, brother or any
other mehram male relative of the woman.
If one does not know of any
righteous woman to marry, the best way to approach someone for marriage is meet
good God-Fearing people, or approach one of the Islamic Centers, or approach the
leader or imam of the local mosques and tell them that you are searching for a
righteous and believing woman to marry.
They normally have information of the righteous people, and might know
some woman who has approached the Islamic Center or the Imam, and asked them to
find a righteous man for them to marry.
Islam has made it
permissible that the man may meet and talk with the woman he wishes to marry
prior to the marriage; provided that one of the mehram
of the woman is included in the meeting.
If need be, they may even meet
more than once, but it is a condition ordained by Shariah
that the man and woman should not meet or talk without the presence of the
woman’s mehram.
If a man has more than one
choice, then he may do ‘istakhara’ and whichever of
the woman satisfies him, he may choose to marry her; and put his trust in Allah
Subhanah.
Whatever written of Truth and
benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error
is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He
is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,