Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I am interested in marrying a christian who converted to Islam. She is 5 years older than me and she is divorced with 3 kids. She is a coworker of mine who I have known for more than 1 year and I have fallen in love with her over that time period. My mother does not want me to do this. She said that she will not accept this and will never forgive me if I marry her. She said she will curse me until the day she dies. Can I go against my mothers wish and still marry this woman? Will I be forgiven if I go against my mother? Will my mother actually be able to curse me? Or should I leave this woman that I love because my mother does not think it is a good idea to marry someone who already has 3 kids? 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Marrying Christian against Parents will

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

According to Shariah, Allah has given permission for a believer to marry a Christian (or Jewish) woman, even if she does not accept Islam. But if the woman you wish to marry has already accepted and converted to Islam, then its obviously easier and better.

Allah will Insha Allah, give you a double reward for helping this woman revert to Islam, and for your intention for marrying and supporting a divorcee with three children.

Allah has granted the parents in Islam, a very high and noble position; and made it obligatory on every believer to love, respect, and ardently obey their parents at all times (except if they ask you to disobey a direct command of Allah Subhanah). Thus, it is imperative that you must humbly and politely try to convince your mother about your proposed marriage, and get her approval and blessings. Give this process a little time, and work with extreme patience and humility, and constantly beg Allah Subhanah to soften the heart and stance of your mother to accept your intention.

If, after all your efforts, you mother still does not accept your intention, then it would be purer for you to sacrifice your intention, and obey your mother; for the Pleasure of Allah Subhanah. Marrying someone in Islam is a Sunnah; but obeying one’s parents is a ‘Fard-Ain’ and an obligatory command of Allah Subhanah.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

It has been reported in an authentic narration that: a man came to the Prophet (saws) and said “ O Prophet of Allah (saws), what is the act or deed most loved by Allah?”

The Prophet (saws) replied: “To pray ones prayers on time.”

The man asked further: “What (deed or act most loved by Allah) next?”

The Prophet (saws) replied: “Obedience to ones parents.”

The man asked further: “What (deed or act most loved by Allah) next?”

The Prophet (saws) replied: “Jihaad in the Way of Allah.”

If your mother thinks that by marrying this Christian revert, it will affect your deen of Islam; and that is the sole reason for her objection… then it is absolutely obligatory that you obey her command and leave the woman you love. But if your mother does not want you to marry this woman, because of some petty reason of race, caste, color, or fears the opinion of her people, friends, and relatives, then you must humbly try to explain your position to her and get her approval and blessings for the marriage. Either way, it would be purer for you as a believer, if you sincerely believe in Allah and the Last Day, to obey the command of your mother and sacrifice your love and your intention if she insists on it.

We pray that Allah make this trial easy for you and guide you to make the right decision. We pray that Allah Subhanah soften your mother’s heart and give her the wisdom to understand your position and intention; and not put you not in a trial where you have to choose between your mother and the woman you want to marry.

Now to your specific questions:

Your question: Can I go against my mothers wish and still marry this woman?

You obviously can marry the woman you love against your mother’s wishes… but that would not be the Right Decision in Islam. Marrying someone is a Sunnah, but obedience to one’s parents is a ‘Fard-Ain’! And it would not be proper to disobey a direct command of Allah Subhanah.

Your question : Will I be forgiven if I go against my mother?

Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran, that if He Wills, He will forgive all sins provided one asks sincere repentance and Taubah.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Your question: Will my mother actually be able to curse me?

Allah Alone knows best if your mother just said these words to stop you from your proposed marriage, or she is seriously considering such an action. Both ways, it just goes to show her ardent disapproval of your marriage; and your only right and proper option is to humbly and politely explain your position to her and get her approval and blessings for the marriage.

Your question: Or should I leave this woman that I love because my mother does not think it is a good idea to marry someone who already has 3 kids? 

If the only reason for her disapproval is because the woman is a divorcee with three children; then you must try and humbly explain to her that it is indeed a very good deed, and a deed which will probably get you and her a double reward from Allah Subhanah. But if after all your efforts, your mother still does not agree with you; then it would be purer for you to sacrifice your love and intention, and obey the command of your mother. It is expected that Allah Subhanah will appreciate your sacrifice, and reward you generously in this world and in the Hereafter, because the only reason you made this sacrifice is because you fear the accounting of an Inevitable Day in the Court of Allah Subhanah, and because you love your parents, and would never do anything to hurt their feelings.

May Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan