At what age should we let the child know that she is adopted?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
We
have decided to adopt a baby girl insha Allah. I have few questions regarding
adoption in islam.
1.I
know that the biological father`s name ( if we get to know the
biologicalfathers name) should be given to the child but i would like to call
her by my husband`s name since we want her to be one of our children and should
not feel different.Will it be wrong for us to do so?
2. At
what age should we let the child know that she is adopted?
3. Is
it okay to let the child know that she is adopted at a later age when she can
understand?
4.
Since we want to adopt a girl, if my husbands mahram members of the family feed
the child will the child become mahram to my husband?
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
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confidentiality.)
Answer:
Adoption of girl
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your
Question-1: I know that the biological father`s name ( if we get to know the
biologicalfathers name) should be given to the child but i would like to call
her by my husband`s name since we want her to be one of our children and should
not feel different.Will it be wrong for us to do so?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah
Ahzaab verses 4-5:
4 Allah has not made for any man two hearts in his (one) body: nor has
He made your wives whom ye divorce by Zihar your mothers: nor has He made
your adopted sons your sons. Such is
(only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth and He shows
the (right) Way.
5 Call them (those whom you adopt) by (the names) of their fathers:
that is juster in the sight of Allah; but if ye know not
their father's (names call them) your Brothers in faith or your Maulas. But there is no blame on you if ye make a
mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is
Oft-Returning Most Merciful.
It is absolutely impermissible and unlawful in Shariah and
a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah that one intentionally call oneself
or be recognized by a name other than of one’s own biological father.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.712 Narrated by Wathila bin Al Asqa
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Verily,
one of the worst lies is to claim falsely to be the offspring of someone other
than one's real father, or to claim to have had a dream one has not had, or to
attribute to me what I have not said."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.711 Narrated by Abu Dhar
The Prophet (saws) said, "If somebody
claims to be the offspring of any other than his real father knowingly, he but
disbelieves in Allah; and if somebody claims to belong to some folk to whom he
does not belong, let such a person take his place in the (Hell) Fire."
Regardless of however noble your intentions might be in
wishing to name the adopted child through the name of your husband, it would be
your obligatory duty and an extension of your faith and your submission to the
Wisdom of the Lord that the adopted child be called and recognized by the name
of her own biological father….that would be more just and proper in the Sight
of Allah Subhanah.
Your Question-2: At
what age should we let the child know that she is adopted?
Your Question-3: Is it okay to let the child know that she is adopted at a
later age when she can understand?
There is absolutely
no requirement or obligation in Shariah for the guardians to inform the child
that it had been adopted…neither in its childhood, nor when the child attains
maturity; but if the adopted parents wish to inform their adopted child
regarding its adoption for any reason whatsoever, there is absolutely no harm.
When the child reaches the age of understanding, through
its name, or through its bond of mehram relationships, etc. with the family, it
will not only learn to accept but appreciate the situations and the conditions
which resulted in its adoption by its noble ‘foster-parents’.
Your
Question-4: Since we want to adopt a girl, if my husbands mahram members of the
family feed the child will the child become mahram to my husband?
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.36 (part) Narrated by Aisha
…..The Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
"Foster suckling relations make all those things unlawful which are
unlawful through corresponding birth (blood) relations."
Although there is absolutely no harm if ‘all’ of your
husband’s ‘mehram’ female relatives wish to suckle the child, if one’s
intention is merely to make the husband (adopted father) a ‘mehram’ of the
adopted girl, the suckling of the infant girl by the wife (adopted mother)
alone would suffice for the girl to form a ‘mehram’ relationship with not only
the husband (her adopted father), but all the blood relatives of the wife
(adopted mother).
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan