Spoilt relationship with in laws
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assalam
alaikum, Jazakallah khair, for
Brother,
recently i had problem with my in laws. i am not well since a a month or
so.somehow i was trying to stay withthem and serve them. but now my health got
worst and was in need of rest. so i came to my parents home, yes after giving
back answers to my in mom in law, coz she was not i n a mood to send me to my
parents home. because my in laws say that after marraige a girls house is her
in laws house. my husband is abroad. i am doctor by profession and i used to
work in a hospital along with my home chores at my in laws place.to my marraige
now it is 1 year.and i used to visit my prents house whenver possible and
stay.i have co sister who got married at the same time and she is elder to me both
in relation ship and age, but she is insecure about her qualification.and also
she does not want to help me in any of the household chores, ans she never did
help me even when i asked her for help.now she has told lies against me to my
inlaws.and they believe it also, because she is syed (i dont believe in syed
and blah blah, i believe in being a muslim) .she has now left to her husbands
place-abroad. but before leaving she has done the damage. now my in laws do
believe it. and i di not live for a long with my husband also(around 40 days
iwas with my husband), i am feeling the trust which should be there between a
husband and wife is decreasing, as he is not believing me. now in this
situation my parents did try to settle the matter and had a talk with my in
laws, but it appears to be not so effective. i am worried about my relation
ship with my husband. because my mom in law already told my husband about all
lies and things which were happening. what should i do in this situation.
please patiently answer my question. Jazakallah . allah hafiz.
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Answer:
Spoilt relationship
with in laws
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous
women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah
would have them guard (their modesty and chastity, the honor and
property of their husband, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies
while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which
woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he
looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his
wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
In light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, the
wife has absolutely no duty or responsibility laid upon her by Islam towards
her husband’s family or ‘in-laws’, including the husband’s parents, brothers,
sisters, uncles, aunts, etc. The responsibility
and duty that Islam has laid upon the believing wife is only towards making
sure that her husband is pleased and satisfied with her in every aspect of her
life!
Thus, in essence, if a believing woman worships Allah
Subhanah as He Alone deserves to be worshipped, preserves her chastity, and
strives to the best of her ability to please her husband, the Messenger of
Allah (saws) declared that she will be given the honor to enter the
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Having said that she has absolutely no responsibility
towards her husband’s family, does not in any way mean or imply that she is
allowed to be rude, or disrespectful, or dishonor them in any way. She must at all times strive to develop
cordial relations with her in-laws.
But if the believing woman does, of her own free will,
serves the parents or family of her husband, she would be doing a deed of
‘ehsaan’, a deed which would be over and above her prescribed duties and
responsibilities; and Allah Subhanah has time and again declared in the
Glorious Quran that He absolutely loves those believers who do ‘ehsaan’ or
deeds which are over and above their role of duty and responsibility.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah
Ale-Imraan verse 134 (part):
134 …. for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and
above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 195 (part):
195 … and do ‘ehsaan’; for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do
deeds over and above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verse 93 (part):
93 ….. For Allah loves the
‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
The wife in Islam is absolutely under no obligation to
take care or serve her husband’s parents or family; the duty and ultimate
responsibility that the parents are served and well cared for is entirely upon
the direct off-spring of the parents.
But if the wife, of her own will and choice, wishes to go
over and above her prescribed duties and in her benevolence serves the parents
and/or family members of her husband, she would be doing the extremely
meritorious deed of ‘ehsaan’; and Allah Subhanah absolutely loves those who do
‘ehsaan’ or deeds over and above their prescribed duties.
If a husband is blessed with a wife who does ‘ehsaan’ and
serves his parents, he should be extremely grateful and thankful to her for her
superb gesture of benevolence and kindness.
Respected sister, it is the duty of your husband alone to
take care of his ailing and aged parents.
If you as the wife are not comfortable living with your in-laws, you are
well within your rights in Shariah to demand that your husband provide a
separate accommodation for you according to the means available to him….and if
your husband has the means, he should strive to fulfill this lawful demand of
yours.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister