Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Asalaam u alaykum.

I have embraced Islam 4 years ago just before i got married. I have a serious problem. I need urgent help. My husband is NOT a follower, leader in the household in Islam. When i speak to him about practicing Islam he avoids me, doesnt help me, doesnt pray, doesnt do anything, and when i reprimand him about his negligence he doesnt speak to me (AT ALL). He leaves me nights on end to cry alone and all i want is a relationship with Allah and help from him (a born Muslim) but every time i ask him, he just ignores me. Financially i support the home but dont feel it as a burden as i am by the means to do so. I cook for him, see to his kids, the home EVERYTHING. I see him as the bread winner in the home, and the leader so i do everything for him. Then he is all happy with me, but the moment i mention Islam he doesnt talk to me, and i long for us as a family to live in Islam as we should. He treats me as if im doing such wrong, materially he is happy with me, working outside the home, bringing in the income, seeing to his kids (we have 2 sons) cooking for him everything... and yet when i long to have my time with Allah he does other things then i have to set my needs aside because our youngest son is just 8 weeks old. He doesnt help me much , he always does what he wants and i end up with all the chores and kids and all, this after returning from work. I dont mind, you know its my family. But he is so hard where it comes to our religion and spending time with me, helping me and our kids since he goes to mosque when it suits him, he prays when he feels he wants to, fasts most of ramadaan but doesnt involve me, all i have to do is prepare everything for him, after mosque he doesnt come home and talks to me about Islam or anything, he sees me reading books and teaching myself and just walks past me. I devote all my time and life to him and our kids. He is happy with me if i do material things that he is supposed to take care of, i maintain mjority in the family and he even takes from me, asks me etc. But when i ask for help with Islam, to be a leader in our home, to guide us as a family, to go for help if he cannot help us.. then he ends up not speaking to me at all. Just let me tell him, im buying him a car or whatever then he is all happy with me. I am so faithful to him, devote my time, life to our family. But he doesnt want to bring his side to the table. I honestly dont care about the finance. All i want from him is to live an Islamic life with ALL of us (myself and our 2 kids) but he shuts me out. Refuses to get help or anything. Do i have the right to Khula in this matter. I have been trying with him for 4 years going in for 5. I will continue on the path of Islam Inshallah with my kids. But he is causing heartache and tears in my life and all i want to do is satisfy him so that he can be happy with me, which is the only time he is happy with me, if i mention Islam and talk and talk to him, there is silence and i feel so alone and hurt because as a husband he DOES NOT support me in that matter and doesnt speak to me at all, he only starts speaking to him when i apoligize for asking him about Islam and say things like i cant expect you to help me and tamaalf for asking you etc. Do i have the right to Khula and how do i go about this. Ive had it with his ill treatment towards me, no communication etc unless its about money or so. 

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Answer:

Woman seeks divorce from impious

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Respected sister, the time to check the character and/or the sincerity of practice in the deen is before one decides to marry someone, not after one has married them!

Your Question: ….Do i have the right to Khula and how do i go about this. Ive had it with his ill treatment towards me…..

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the lawful acts’ the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’

As much as divorce is discouraged, Islam has recognized that two people who once chose to live their lives together through the sacred institution of marriage many not get along and wish to separate through divorce. Thus in Islam, both the husband and the wife have a right to initiate a divorce proceedings against their spouse and seek their freedom.

When a divorce proceeding is initiated by the wife in a marriage, it is known in Fiqh or Islamic Jurisprudence terms as a ‘Khula’.

There are basically three ways for a wife can seek a divorce:

1. Ask her husband that she no longer wishes to remain his wife, and the husband accedes to her request and pronounces a divorce on her.
2. If the husband refuses to divorce her, she has the right to Initiate a divorce proceedings in a Shariah Court, whereby the Judge will study the conditions and reasons for seeking divorce, and then summon the husband and give him an option: either he accedes to the wife’s divorce request and pronounces divorce on her, or the Court will use its authority and divorce the couple.
3. If the husband does not pronounce the divorce and the Judge sees valid reason for divorce, the Shariah Judge has the authority to divorce the couple.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128-131:

128 If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

129 Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a wife) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

130 But if they disagree (and must divorce) Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise.

131 To Allah belong all things in the heavens and on earth. Verily We have directed the people of the Book before you and you (O Muslims) to fear Allah. But if ye deny Him, lo! Unto Allah belong all things in the heavens and on earth, and Allah is free of all wants worthy of all praise.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 229:

229 A divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives) except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them. If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah such persons wrong (themselves as well as others).

If it is the woman who initiates the divorce or ‘khula’ in marriage, she is required to repay the husband back the ‘mehr’ he paid her at the time of ‘nikaah’, unless of course the husband, of his own will, wishes to let his wife keep the ‘mehr’ he paid her. But if the husband initiates the divorce, it is absolutely forbidden for him to demand any payment or recompense of the ‘mehr’ or any other gifts he might have given his wife during their marriage.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 20-21:

20 But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another (through divorce), even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower (mehr) take not the least bit of it back: would ye take it by slander and a manifest wrong?

21 And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?

Respected sister in Islam, if you fear ill-treatment at the hands of your husband, or you fear that his non-practice of the deen might affect your own faith or practice of the deen, or you fear that because of his ill-treatment you might not be able to live within the Boundaries of Allah Subhanah, you are well within your rights in Islam to initiate a divorce proceedings against your husband and seek your freedom in a Shariah Court of Law.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan