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My mother is now angry at me for yelling at him badly. I know I committed a mistake but at the same time, I did not know what to say to stop him because he was just accusing me and her of obscene things.

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As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

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Assalamu Alaikum brother


I am living in guilt and dilemma. my father is not mentally well and lately he was having financial problems with me. It escalated so much and I did not complain and gave him everything he demanded because I wanted him to just be happy. Then he started accusing my mother and verbally hurting her. I have lost my mind at that moment and yelled back at him because he was hurting my mother.


My mother is now angry at me for yelling at him badly. I know I committed a mistake but at the same time, I did not know what to say to stop him because he was just accusing me and her of obscene things.


Am I at fault for standing up for my mother and for myself? I know in Islam mother is 3 times more important than a father. In my case my father was not in his mental sanity and we could not be more patient with the hurtful words he said to us. 

 

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Answer:

 

Taking sides in parents fight

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Statements: I have lost my mind at that moment and yelled back at him because he was hurting my mother.. My mother is now angry at me for yelling at him badly.

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful unto ones parents in Islam, especially when they have been blessed by the Lord to attain old age.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 46 Surah Ahqaaf verses 15-16:

15 We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his mother bear him and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years he says "O my Lord! grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed upon me and upon both my parents and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

16 Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and pass by their ill deeds: (they shall be) among the Companions of the Garden: a promise of truth which was made to them (in this life).




 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 215:

215 They ask thee what they should spend (in charity). Say: Whatever ye spend that is good is for parents and kindred and orphans and those in want and for wayfarers. And whatever ye do that is good Allah knoweth it well.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: Let him be humbled into dust! Let him be humbled into dust! It was said: O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he? He (saws) said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (through his deeds of service towards them)!

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most? He (saws) replied: Your mother. I asked (again): Who next?. He (saws) replied: Your mother!. I asked: Who next? He (saws) replied: Your mother! I asked again: Who next? and he (saws) replied: Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.505 Narrated by Abdullah

I asked the Prophet (saws): "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He (saws) replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He (saws) replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He (saws) replied, "To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet (saws) would have told me more."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.248 Narrated byAbdullah bin Amr

A man came to the Prophet asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service."

 

Your Statement: My mother is now angry at me for yelling at him badly. I know I committed a mistake.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

When Allah Subhanah has Commanded the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day to not even say uff unto their parents, to say that badly yelling at ones own father is a mere mistake is an absolute understatement!!!.....it is an utter, humungous, heinous, and unreserved abomination in the Sight of the Lord!!!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

 

My dear and beloved brother, it would only be piety and righteousness on your part that you amend your conduct and sincerely seek the forgiveness from your father.and above all turn to your Lord Creator in taubah and seek forgiveness for the abomination that you have committed. If you are indeed sincere in your repentance, it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

 

Your Statements: I am living in guilt and dilemma. my father is not mentally well and lately he was having financial problems with me. It escalated so much and I did not complain and gave him everything he demanded because I wanted him to just be happy. Then he started accusing my mother and verbally hurting her.

There is absolutely no doubt that a fight between ones parents is absolutely heart-wrenching for a child, but the child does not have a right to enter or take sides, or ever to physically or verbally engage himself in a fight between his parents. The absolute most an off-spring, if indeed he/she sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day, could do is practice absolute wisdom and try to humbly talk to the one who is abusive and oppressive and instill the fear of Allah into them, and also guide the one who is being oppressed and abused towards patience.

 

But under no circumstances should the child ever do anything or use terms that would be disrespectful or discourteous towards either of his parents. In such trying and unfortunate circumstances, what the child can and must do is remain constant in his supplication to the Lord Most Merciful and beg Him to have mercy on his parents.

 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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