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What if parents donot fulfill their responsibilities relating to their children in all respect?

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Aslam Alaikum brother!

I am permanet reader of Islam help online. I really appreciate your work.

 

Today I have question(s) relating to parents. My english is not good enough so please ignore if there is any grammatical or spelling mistake(s).

 

1. What if parents donot fulfill their responsibilities relating to their children in all respect?

2. What if they creat problems for their child or/children?

3. What if they abuse their child/children without knowing that whether he/she is right or wrong?

4. What if parents make their child/children`s life miserable by blaming and liying other family members to cause to look guilty in all sense?

5. What if they really hurt their child/children practically and verbally?

Nobody knows who`s right but Allah knows. Please do let us know where we (me and my younger sis) stands? Should we leave our parents as we both are happily married and have kids to look after and facing hell lot of problems created by our parents.

Please please do let me know what to do? May Allah forgive us. We are afraid of the time when we will reached to the limits. What if we loose our temperament? We both are mentally upset and psychologically sick to find the way out. Pray for us.

Looking forward for your early response.

 

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Answer:

 

Parents unjust and no rights

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Q-1: What if parents donot fulfill their responsibilities relating to their children in all respect?

Q-2: What if they creat problems for their child or/children?

Q-3: What if they abuse their child/children without knowing that whether he/she is right or wrong?

Q-4: What if parents make their child/children`s life miserable by blaming and liying other family members to cause to look guilty in all sense?

Q-5: What if they really hurt their child/children practically and verbally?

 

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, it is in the very inherent nature of parents that they unconditionally love their off-spring, are kind and tender to them, always keep the interest and well-being of their off-spring ahead of their own, and amongst creation, none has the capacity to be more forgiving and more merciful to another than ones parents to their own off-spring. That is the inherent nature the Lord Most Merciful has bestowed upon parents.not only is nature bestowed by the Lord upon human beings, but even the fiercest and wildest animals like tigers and lions are merciful and tender towards their own off-spring!

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.29 Narrated by Abu Huraira

I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying: Allah divided Mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninety-nine parts with Him (for the Day of Resurrection) and sent down its one part on the earth. (And it is because of that one-part of mercy that) His creations are merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it."


 

Such is the veracity, reality, and actuality of this nature of kindness and mercy of the parents towards their off-spring, that one would be hard pressed to find even one verse in the Glorious Quran whereby the Lord Most High has commanded the parents to be kind, loving, and merciful towards their children!!! The very nature of being a parent does not allow them to be abusive or evil towards their children.

 

Thus if there is a parent who does not fulfill their responsibilities towards their off-spring, or they create problems amongst their off-spring, or they abuse their off-spring, or they intentionally make their childrens life miserable, or they intentionally hurt their children practically and verbally.Allah is our witness brother, such parents go against the very nature of kindness and mercy bestowed upon them by their Lord..and such parents will have a severe accounting for their misdeeds in the Presence of their Lord Most Majestic on that Tumultuous Day of Justice.

 

Your Questions: Should we leave our parents as we both are happily married and have kids to look after and facing hell lot of problems created by our parents.

 

Please please do let me know what to do? May Allah forgive us. We are afraid of the time when we will reached to the limits. What if we loose our temperament? We both are mentally upset and psychologically sick to find the way out. Pray for us.

Looking forward for your early response.

Beloved brother in Islam, as much as one is hard pressed to find a verse of guidance in the Glorious Quran commanding the parents to be kind and merciful towards their children..there is a multitude of guidance available in the Glorious Quran and the Sunnah regarding the relation a righteous off-spring should have towards his parentsespecially when their parents reach or approach old age!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on mankind (to be good) to their parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Kabair (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--

  1. To join others in worship with Allah,
  2. To be undutiful to one's parents,
  3. To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),
  4. And to give a false witness."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Greatest sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

 

After the rights due to Allah and His Messenger (saws), in Islam the biggest rights in all mankind are due to ones parents. The enormity of being undutiful to ones parents can be imagined by the fact that The Messenger of Allah (saws) listed being undutiful to ones parents as the second gravest of all the gravest sins in Islam!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr

The Prophet (saws) said, "An undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one who is addicted to wine will not enter Paradise."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

 

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, regardless of what your parents do or say, regardless of whether or not they fulfill their responsibilities towards you or not, regardless of their conduct, or character, or condition.you as their child and one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day, should never never ever resent them, or be rude towards them, or say unto them even a harsh word! And if your Lord has blessed one or both your parents to reach an abject old age, and their age has made them senile, or troublesome, or quarrelsome, or even unreasonable.bring to remembrance the time when you were a totally and completely helpless infant and they brought you up with kindness and affectionthus when they reach that abject old age where after having known and done much, they know nothing.it is precisely at this stage of their lives when the off-spring is Commanded by their Lord to treat them with absolute and total humility, and tenderness, and kindness, and mercy.and whatsoever their age or their condition may make them say or do.do not even say uff to thembut speak to them words of humility and pray to the Lord Most Merciful to have mercy upon them, just as they had mercy on you in your infancy.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 70:

70 It is Allah who creates you and takes your souls at death; and of you there are some who are sent back to a feeble age so that they know nothing after having known (much): for Allah is All-Knowing All-Powerful.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

My dear and beloved brother, as troublesome and quarrelsome old age might have made your parentsremember that this life is only a place of test and a trial.and the honor of serving ones parents in their old age is an opportunity for the righteous to earn the ultimate reward of Paradise from their Lord in the Hereafter.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: Let him be humbled into dust! Let him be humbled into dust! It was said: O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he? He (saws) said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (through his deeds of service towards them)!

 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan


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