Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
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One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Sir, As per what I know, it is our responsibility to attain the necessary knowledge.
I`ve got a doubt. Can we discuss our doubts regarding issues such as sex with others? If yes, to what extent? And, with whom? Is it allowed to discuss with the people of opposite genter, whether spouse, mehram or non-mehram.
I`ve been very helpful with many of the questions in your site. Thank you very much.
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Your Statement: Sir, As per what I know, it is our responsibility to attain the necessary knowledge.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 218 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 256 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: Acquiring knowledge in company for an hour in the night is better than spending the whole night in prayer.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 249 Narrated by Al-Hasan al-Basri
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: He whom death overtakes while he is engaged in acquiring knowledge with a view to reviving Islam with the help of it, there will be one degree between him and the Prophets in Paradise.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 220 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: One who goes out to search for knowledge is (devoted) to the Cause of Allah till he returns.
Your Question: we discuss our doubts regarding issues such as sex with others? If yes, to what extent? And, with whom? Is it allowed to discuss with the people of opposite genter, whether spouse, mehram or non-mehram.
Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, the deen of Truth called Al-Islam is based on the Absolute Wisdom and Knowledge of Allah Subhanah, and in complete accordance and alignment with the nature and logic The Merciful Lord has bestowed upon mankind. Islam has permitted and absolutely encouraged mankind to ask and satisfy any question that might arise in ones mind regarding this deen of Truth; provided the person asking the question is seeking knowledge and wishes to better understand the wisdom and hikmah behind each and every command of Allah and His Messenger (saws). It is the right of the brother or sister to ask anything they wish to clarify in the deen; and it is the responsibility and duty of the good scholars to address the question asked to the best of their knowledge and ability, and in the most polite and humble manner.
What has been discouraged, and considered a sin in Islam is the asking of questions with the intention to ridicule or rebuke or deny the commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws). But if ones intention in asking the questions is to seek clarification on any aspect of the deen, or to understand the wisdom behind the commands so that he may better follow the deen; there is absolutely no harm in seeking such clarifications.
Firstly, there is absolutely no restriction or sin in Islam in talking or discussing any type of sexual issues with ones spouse; regardless of whether one wishes to increase ones knowledge on sexual issues, or simply to fulfill ones pleasure.
When talking or discussing sex with others, one should be careful regarding ones intentions behind their discussions, for rewards are dependant upon the intentions. There is absolutely no harm if one discusses sexual issues with ones elders or scholars, etc. if their intention is indeed to seek clarification on an aspect in Shariah, etc. But if one wishes to discuss sex or sexual issues with someone, and the intention behind it is neither to seek knowledge nor any clarification, but only as a sport or vain talk or simply to fulfill ones desires, then it would not be considered righteousness in Islam.
Genders, mehrams, non-mehrams, etc. do not play as important a role as ones intentions in determining the validity of sexual discussions. If ones intentions are truly to seek knowledge and/or clarify a certain issue, and one determines that the best person to address the question is to a member of the opposite gender or a non-mehram, there is absolutely no harm in addressing the question to the person.
But if ones intentions are only to engage in vain talk, or as a sport, or to fulfill ones desires, etc.; regardless if the person is ones own gender or mehram, it would not be considered righteousness to engage in such vain talks.
The only person one has an absolute and open license to discuss anything of a sexual nature, without any restriction whatsoever, is the person one is permitted to have sexual intercourse with; ie. ones own spouse.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,