Role of children in fighting parents
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Islam lays great stress on the obedience and respect of Parents. Infact after Allah Subhanah ,its our Parents to whom we owe a lot. But what if the Parents fight all the time in front of their children ? what if the Parents use offensive language for each other in front of their children and abuse each other, humiliate each other, taunt each other and quarrel all the time without realizing what harm they are doing to the minds of their innocent children. What does Allah and Quran say about such Parents ? What does Allah say about such poor children who grow up with these negative influences on their minds and hearts ? Even if such Parents take good care of their kids and give them good education , would they respect their all-time fighting Parents and if they don`t , would the blame or sin be on them or on their Parents who left such indelible marks on their personalities ? Is it not the biggest responsibility of the parents to provide their young ones with a healthy and non-violent atmosphere and i think that if they don`t do that , they are infact devoiding their kids with their basic right. How would Allah Subhanah deal with such people on the Day of Judgement who did not respect their fighting Parents ?? Islam is a complete way of life but it is a bit surprising for me that Islam does not say a word about the off-springs of such couples. Why is there no consolation for such poor children and why does Allah not condemn such couples in Quran ? as far as i know there is not a single verse in Quran or Hadith about such problems. if there is one , please do let me know.
Please reply me as soon as possible. and please don`t send me some previous reply from the archive.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Role of children in fighting parents
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Beloved sister in Islam, if one observes nature, one will realize that nature has blessed the parents to love and have mercy on their off-spring. If the One Who Created nature had not blessed the parents, and especially the mother, with this overwhelming love and awe-inspiring mercy for their off-spring at their birth and beyond, Allah is my witness, no human baby could have survived to grow into an adult!
In Allahs Wisdom and Knowledge, He has not bestowed the children with the same amount or excess of love and mercy for their parents, and thus made the obedience and service of ones parents a test for them. If one simply glances at the condition of the parents in this modern-educated-civilized-ignorant world, one will realize the depravation of how these Angels of mercy are treated by their children in the evening of their lives!!!
Quarelling, taunting, fighting, violent, abusive parents are a gift and a natural by-product of this same modern-freedom loving-educated-civilized but un-Godly and ignorant society to their off-spring! Had these men and women, husband and wives, fathers and mothers, feared Allah and lived within the boundaries of Allah and His Messenger (saws), they would first and foremost, have had mercy and love between themselves; and would have thus given their off-spring a home filled with the love, peace, harmony and tranquility that comes with the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah.
Let someone show me a house where quarrelling, and taunting, and violence between the parents is a norm; and I will show them a house where the fear and guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws) is missing!
Now to your specific questions:
Q-1: But what if the Parents fight all the time in front of their children ? what if the Parents use offensive language for each other in front of their children and abuse each other, humiliate each other, taunt each other and quarrel all the time without realizing what harm they are doing to the minds of their innocent children. What does Allah and Quran say about such Parents ?
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4859 Narrated byAbu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: The gravest sin is going to lengths in talking unjustly against a muslim's honour, and it is a major sin to abuse twice for (being) abused once.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 1740 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
The Prophet (saws) said: A believer does not taunt, curse, abuse, or talk indecently.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 231:When ye divorce women and they fulfil the term of their (`Iddat) either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them or to take undue advantage; if anyone does that He wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah's Signs as a jest but solemnly rehearse Allah's favors on you and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom for your instruction. And fear Allah and know that Allah is well acquainted with all things.
Q-2: What does Allah say about such poor children who grow up with these negative influences on their minds and hearts ? Even if such Parents take good care of their kids and give them good education , would they respect their all-time fighting Parents and if they don`t , would the blame or sin be on them or on their Parents who left such indelible marks on their personalities ?
It is only the just nature of the innocent child, that he would tend to side with the parent he thinks is being oppressed or treated unjustly. But no matter what the parents do amongst themselves, Allah has not made the children the judge of their parents actions, and the Divine command to the children from their All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord will remain the same:
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.
No matter what the parents do or say amongst themselves; no matter how evil their parents may be; no matter even if their parents are murderers, rapists, alcoholics, burglars, etc.; the children will not dishonor and disrespect them; but be humble, loving, caring, and tender towards them! The parents are responsible for their deeds in the Court of Allah, and the children will be responsible for theirs!
Even if the parents committed the most heinous of sins, ie. shirk or associating other gods with the One and Only Lord of the Worlds; the duty of the children remain the same: They will treat them with kindness, tenderness, and humility; and they will obey them in every matter except if their parents demand that they disobey the commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws)! Such is the lofty and honorable status Islam has given to parents!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verses 14-15:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
15 But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; Yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love): in the End the return of you all is to Me and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."
Q-3: How would Allah Subhanah deal with such people on the Day of Judgement who did not respect their fighting Parents ??
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.4 (part) Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
Allah's Messenger (saws) said. "It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.8 Narrated by Anas bin Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) mentioned the Greatest Sins or he was asked about the Greatest Sins. He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah; to kill a soul which Allah has forbidden to kill; and to be undutiful or unkind to one's parents."
Allah Subhanah has made the respect, honor, kindness, tenderness, and humility to ones parents unconditional; no matter what they do or dont do!!!
If a child, no matter how old he is or gets, if he has one or both his parents alive and he disrespects or dishonors them in any way whatsoever, he will be guilty of a Major Sin in Islam! The sin of disrespecting ones parents is so huge and so henious, that Allah and His Messenger (saws) have listed it amongst the most abominations of sins in Islam!
No matter what ones parents may do, the child does not have a right to disrespect his parents!
Islam is a complete way of life but it is a bit surprising for me that Islam
does not say a word about the off-springs of such couples. Why is there no
consolation for such poor children and why does Allah not condemn such couples
in Quran ? as far as i know there is not a single verse in Quran or Hadith
about such problems. if there is one , please do let me know.
Who can be more abusive and a bigger tyrant than the one who murders his own children with his own hands? In the days of ignorance before the appointment of Prophethood, it was the custom in Makkah that the people would bury their daughters alive, because of the shame a female birth brought to their families!!!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 59:With shame does he hide himself from his people because of the bad news he has had (female birth)! Shall he retain it on (sufferance and) contempt, or bury it in the dust? Ah! What an evil (choice) they decide on!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 81 Surah Takwir verses 7-14:
7 (On the Day of Judgment) When the souls are sorted out;
8 When the female (infant) buried alive is questioned
9 For what crime she was killed?
10 When the Scrolls are laid open;
11 When the World on High is unveiled:
12 When the Blazing Fire is kindled to fierce heat;
13 And when the Garden is brought near
14 (Then) shall each soul know what it has put forward.
Allah Subhanah Says in the above Aayahs that the innocent infant who was buried alive for no sin of her own except that she was born a female, will have her day in the Just and Supreme Court of Allah Subhanah on the Day of Judgment; and her murderers (parents) will get their just punishment!
Thus no matter what atrocities ones parents might have done amongst themselves, or what scars they might have left on their innocent children, or no matter what they might have done: Allah Subhanah has not made the children the judges of their parents actions! They will be Judged by The One Who is Most Just, and He Alone will decide their just punishment on that Inevitable Day.
But in the life of this world, no matter what ones parents may do; the child is under obligation to honor and respect them unconditionally! The only time a child may not obey his/her parents is if they command them to worship anyone other than Allah, or command them to do anything against the commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws); the child will not obey them in this their specific command, but in other matters of the world, it is obligatory on the child to still honor and respect them, and treat them with utmost kindness and extreme humility!
All Praise is due to the All-Wise, All-Knowing Lord of the Worlds, Who has guided us to the Truth and Mercy of Al-Islam, and made every day of our lives a Mothers Day and a Fathers Day!
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,