Ceremonies of marriage
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaam Alaikum,
I am very grateful to Allah Taala that
he has selected a few people like yourself to guide the people on the right
path and follow His orders as shown by the Beloved Prophet Muhammed
(SAW) I have a question about the way a wedding should take place according to
the Sunnah and Shariah. I
mean the ceremonies that should take place and all. I am well aware of most
practices followed in our countries i.e.
Jazakallah
(There
may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum
does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from
our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
In the
name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness.
Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray,
none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no
person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
May Allah
Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and
the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in
the propagation of the Truth. We humbly hope, beg,
and pray the Merciful Lord
accepts our humble and weak efforts,
forgives us our shortcomings, and
saves you, us, and all the believers
from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.
Your
Question: I have a question about the way a wedding should take place according
to the Sunnah and Shariah.
I mean the ceremonies that should take place and all.
Islam has
made the act and ceremony of marriage an extremely easy, inexpensive, and an
absolutely uncomplicated affair; but unfortunately today we have added our own
sets of difficulties, expenses and unnecessary complications and made it a
burden upon ourselves and our brothers and sisters in Islam.
In Islam,
there are three simple, uncomplicated steps that relate to a marriage:
The proposal from the groom to the family of the girl.
The
actual ‘nikaah’ ceremony
The ‘walima’ or marriage feast after the Nikaah.
To get a
fair idea of how marriages were done at the time of the Prophet (saws), it
would be worth taking a look at this narration of how the Prophet (saws)
married his beloved daughter, Hadrat Fatimah (r.a.)
to Hadrat Ali (r.a.).
In Madinah, Fatimah
lived with her father in the simple dwelling he had built adjoining the mosque.
In the second year after the Hijrah, she received
proposals of marriage through her father, two of which were turned down. Then Ali, the son of Abu Talib,
plucked up courage and went to the Prophet (saws) to ask for her hand in
marriage. In the presence of the Prophet (saws), however, Ali became over-awed
and tongue-tied. He stared at the ground
and could not say anything. The Prophet (saws) then asked: "Why have you
come? Do you need something?" Ali still could not speak and then the
Prophet (saws) suggested: "Perhaps you have come to propose marriage to Fatimah."
"Yes," replied Ali.
At this, according to one report, the Prophet (saws) said simply: "Marhaban wa ahlan
- Welcome into the family," and this was taken by Ali and a group of Ansar who were waiting outside for him as indicating the
Prophet's (saws) approval. Another
report indicated that the Prophet (saws) approved and went on to ask Ali if he
had anything to give as mahr. Ali replied that he didn't. The Prophet (saws) reminded him that he had a
shield which could be sold.
Ali sold the shield to Uthman for four
hundred dirhams and as he was hurrying back to the
Prophet (saws) to hand over the sum as mahr, Uthman stopped him and said: "I am returning your
shield to you as a present from me on your marriage to Fatimah."
Fatimah and Ali were thus
married most probably at the beginning of the second year after the Hijrah. She was about nineteen years old at the time and
Ali was about twenty one. The Prophet (saws) himself performed the marriage
ceremony. At the walimah. the guests were
served with dates, figs and hais ( a mixture of dates
and butter fat). A leading member of the
Ansar donated a ram and others made offerings of
grain.
Your
Statement: there is a lot of Fitna too which goes
around and I would like to avoid all that.
Islam has
made the ceremonies of marriage easy for the believers, and it would be best to
leave this occasion as simple as possible.
If society adds or expects some ‘rasms’ and
rituals, then this occasion becomes a burden for the people of society, and an
expensive proposition for most of the people.
Marriage
is a happy occasion and there is absolutely no harm if one celebrates this
joyous occasion by applying ‘henna’ for the womenfolk, or playing the ‘daff’ for music, or singing good legal songs, etc. The believers should at all times fear Allah Subhanah in everything they do, and should never ever
transgress the boundaries laid down by Allah and His Messenger (saws) by
allowing the free mixing of non-mehram sexes, playing
illegal music, or singing songs of ‘fahesha’ and
indecency, etc.
When
celebrating the joyous occasion of marriage, the believers must be absolutely
careful of two things:
Doing any
rites or rituals of a religious nature which are not proven from the Sunnah; like not allowing the man to leave the house before
the walima, or keeping some iron in the house to ward
off evil omens, or to tie some lemons or red peppers, etc. at the entrance of
the door to ward off evil eyes, etc. All
these and similar things are absolutely forbidden in the deen
of Islam.
Unnecessary
expenses like huge banquets on each and every occasion of engagement, at the
‘henna’, nikaah, and again at the ‘walima’; forced gifts to all the relatives of the bride and
the groom, forced and demand of dowry from the family of the bride, etc. All these are absolutely unnecessary expenses
and fall under the hated category of what the Quran
calls ‘israaf’ or being extravagant and
spendthrift!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 26-27:
26 And render to the kindred their due rights as (also) to those in
want and to the wayfarer: but squander not (your wealth) in the manner of a
spendthrift.
27 Verily spendthrifts are the brothers of the Shaytaan; and the Shaytaan is to his Lord,
ungrateful.
What has
unfortunately happened today is that people, especially the ones who have been
blessed with abundant bounty from Allah Subhanah,
have become extravagant in celebrating this joyous occasion, and some use this
occasion to make their excesses be known to society by celebrating their
marriages in a wasteful and excessive manner, and become engaged in out-doing
others in their extravagance! Everything
these people do when celebrating their occasions is, in a manner of speech ‘over-the-top’,
to make a statement of their wealth and status for all to see!
This sort
of illegal competition to ‘outdo the Jones’s’, and this absurd extravagance is
absolutely hated in the sight of Allah Subhanah, whom
the All-Mighty has called the ‘brothers of the Shaytaan’!!!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 26 Surah Ash-Shuaraa verses 151-152:
151 "And follow not the bidding of those who are extravagant
152 Who make mischief in the land, and mend not (their ways)."
It is the
responsibility and duty of those who are blessed with abundance from the
All-Mighty, that they should be especially careful when celebrating their
marriages, and they should strive to celebrate these occasions as simply as
possible so that the poor of the society are not burdened when it is time to
get their daughters and their sisters married!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verse 67: (The true
servants of the Most Gracious are) Those who when they spend, are not extravagant
and not niggardly; but hold a just (balance) between those (extremes);
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.106 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
That the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “The worst food is that
of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not
invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His
Messenger (saws).”
Whatever
written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance,
and whatever of error is of me. Allah
Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,
Burhan
Wister