Marrying a woman who is not chaste
I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while she was in high school I did not know. When we got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or in their house watching Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led her to this path. HOwever, she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things she said and i start disliking her little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don't know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life. I really need help?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If the women was as you describe before you got engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to marry her.
My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness in this world and will be one of the means of your salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and your wealth, and in that way there will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy”
[al-Room 30:21]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.
According to another hadeeth: “This world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 2668.
With regard to what you mention about what happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the things which lead to such serious consequences.
We wish to point out that repentance must be for the sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again.
I also offer the following advice, and hope that Allaah will benefit you thereby:
1 – Lower your gaze and do not look at that which Allaah has forbidden.
2 – Keep yourself busy with reading Qur’aan and hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics.
3 – Beware of being alone with women who are not mahrams.
4 – Keep company with righteous people who will help you with religious and worldly matters.
5 – Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are a means that lead to zina.
6 – Strive to offer prayers regularly with the Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo’, for it keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Successful indeed are the believers.
Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:1]
May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and may He make things easy for you.
Wister