Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse the person whom the parents choose for them to marry?
The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419)
Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want.
But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865).
But if obeying them will lead to divorce later on, then the child does not have to obey them in that, because consent is the foundation of the marital relationship, and this consent must be in accordance with sharee’ah, which is approval of the one who is religiously committed and of good character.
Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih
A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he does not eat what he does not want.