Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Salaam dear brother/sister,

I am really happy to be blessed by Allah, and i am 7 weeks pregnant. i am finding pregnancy hard, as this is my 5th pregnancy and i am very weak and tired. my question is that, my husband is very demanding and wants sexual intercourse all the time, and gets very very angry when i am too tired to oblige. he works night shift and when he arrives home early morning, i am asleep and he wakes me up for sexual intercourse. and as i am an very tired i often say no and this is causing great fights in my home and causing tension. please advise me on what to do, if i am wrong then i will change myself.

Thank u, i am waiting for your reply very soon

Jazak Allah 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Wife refuses constant sex

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

The believing men and women whom Allah Subhanah has blessed to be bonded in the sacred institution of marriage, have certain rights towards each other in their marriage. And one of the biggest rights of marriage is that the couple may enjoy conjugal relations with each other to their heart’s desire. Unless the wife has a legal and valid Shariah reason for not allowing the husband to have intercourse with her (menses, post child-birth menstruation, while in the state of ‘ehraam’ for pilgrimage, while fasting in Ramadan, etc.), there are no conditions or circumstances when either the husband or the wife may refuse the invitation of the other.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till morning."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.122 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "If a woman spends the night deserting her husband's bed (does not sleep with him), then the Angels send their curses on her till she comes back (to her husband)."

Your Question: ….please advise me on what to do, if i am wrong then i will change myself.

Respected sister, being pregnant or merely being tired is not a valid reason in Shariah to refuse the invitation of your husband. It would indeed constitute a sin against you if you did not willingly respond and fulfill this lawful right of your husband.

If you know your husband works night-shifts, it would be prudent for you to change your sleeping times; and because your constant refusal has strained your otherwise good marital relationship with your husband, instead of waiting for him to invite you, you take the initiative and invite him……not only would that please your husband no end, it would be considered piety and righteousness on your part in the Sight of your Lord Most Gracious and earn you huge rewards in the Hereafter, Insha Allah.

Abu Dhar al-Ghafari reported: ‘The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your wife."’ The companions asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a reward if one satisfies his passion?" He (saws) said: "Do you know that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is rewarded."

Related by Ahmad and Muslim.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan