Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Aslam u Alaikum Brother,

I am very upset in these days because my parents got me engaged and i do not want to get married to that guy.. I said no to my parents but they started to emotionally blackmail me.. and also my mom is heart patient so whenever I say `no` my mom gets upset and she gets ill. I dont want my parents to die because of me or do not want to dishonour my dad. My mom once said `No` to guy`s mother but she started crying and she was like for ALLAH`s sake do not say no. My mom got ill and she had to go to Hospital. Then i had to say `Yes` But brother I seriously tried but i cant see him as my future husband. I do not want to get married to him And i dont want to commit any major sin. If I Will get married to him I know that i will not love him as my husband and probably be harsh to him and also will not fulfil my duties as a Muslim wife should do. can you tell me What should I do in the Light of Islam.

Thank you

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Answer:

Acceptance of proposal

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Islam guides that neither the parents should force or coerce their daughters to marry someone whom their daughter does not approve of, nor should the girl force or coerce her parents to allow them to marry someone whom they do not approve of….but rather one should marry a person whom both the parents and their daughter approve of.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.101 Narrated by Aisha

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "It is essential to have the consent of a virgin (for her marriage).”

As much as the parents choice must be given due consideration, Islam has given the final authority to the bride regarding whether she wishes to accept the proposal for her marriage or not. If the bride has made it clear that she does not wish to accept a particular proposal for any reason whatsoever, the parents should respect the choice and decision of their daughter and seek to marry her to someone whom the parents and the bride both approve of.

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, if you have a strong reason to reject the proposal presented and approved by your parents, and you have absolutely made up your mind that you would not be able to fulfill the rights of a wife if that marriage were to take place, you should politely but firmly convey your decision to your parents; and your parents should respect your decision and seek to marry you to someone whom both you and your parents approve of.

But if you are contemplating accepting this or any other proposal for your marriage, in our humble opinion it would be best and closest to the Sunnah that you perform the two-rakah prayer and supplication of ‘Istakhara’ and seek the guidance of Allah before you make a solemn decision……it may be that you like something which is not good for you and dislike something which is good for you; for Allah Alone Knows and we know not.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216 (part):

…..But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows and ye know not.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan