My heart has fallen in love with someone else during the engagement.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am angaged to a man who I just to have a relationship (haram) with. He hurt me a lot in the past. But he changed in Islam, and is a good muslim now. So I gave him a chanche for the sake of Allah. But my heart is not in peace. I keep thinking about what happened in the past. I don`t feel comfortable with him. Also, my heart has fallen in love with someone else during the engagement. Does this come from shaytaan..or should I see it as a blessing of Allah. That my heart is able to feel at ease with someone else. And should I brake my engagement? If only I knew what would be the right thing to do in Islam. I am willing to sacrifice the bad feeling in my heart and just marry my fiancee, if that would make Allah happy. Please help and advice me in this. May Allah reward you with the best reward.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Do istakhara for Guidance
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, an intention or agreement to marry someone or what is known today as an ‘engagement’ has absolutely no legal basis or standing in Shariah Law……and if for any genuine reason one or both parties wish to break their ‘engagement’ to marry, they are well within their rights to do so.
If you are having second thoughts regarding whether to marry a particular person or not, in our humble opinion, you should perform the Sunnah prayer and supplication of ‘Istakhara’ and seek the guidance of your Lord Most Gracious….. It is the established Sunnah and tradition of the Messenger of Allah (saws) that whenever he (saws) had to make a choice between two (or more) lawful alternatives, he would perform a two-rakah prayer of ‘Istakhara’ and make earnest supplications to his All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord to guide him to what was best.
Hadrat Jabir (r.a.) reports that ‘the Prophet (saws) would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a Surah of the Qu'ran. He (saws) said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and recite the supplication of Istakhara.’’
Related by Al-Bukhari.
Saad ibn Waqas (r.a.) reported that the Prophet (saws) said, "Istikharah (seeking guidance from Allah) is one of the distinct favors (of Allah) upon man, and a good fortune for the son of Adam is to be pleased with the Judgment of Allah. And a misfortune of the son of Adam is his failure to make istikharah, and a misfortune for the son of Adam is his displeasure with the Judgment of Allah."
As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our ardent advice to you would be to follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and perform this simple ‘Istakharah’ prayer and supplicate your Lord to help you and guide you to a decision that is Pleasing to Him and is best for you in your life in this world and the Hereafter. Then wherever the matter settles, and whatever transpires after you have put your full trust in your Lord Most Gracious, know with conviction that that was the absolute best decision.
The following is from the book "Selected Prayers" compiled by Dr. Jamal Badawi.
"When seeking guidance in decision-making (Istikharah)"
Allahomma Inni Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka min Fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam. Wa'anta-'allamul ghuyoob.
Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.
Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi. Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur leyal-khayr Haytho
Translation of du'a:
O Allah! I seek
Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek
ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have
power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden
things. O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion,
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.
1. The above du'a is to be recited when there is uncertainty about the advisability of taking a decision, provided it is Islamically permissable.
2. After performing wudu'
(ablution), one should offer two rakahs (sunnah required for this purpose).
3. Before reciting the dua' it should be made sure that the person is not already inclined to a given decision; otherwise it will mean the person is not serious about seeking guidance from Allah (SWT).
4. In making this dua' the actual matter or decision concerning which divine guidance is being sought should be mentioned instead of the words (Hathal Amra) in transliteration or the words "this matter" in the translation above.
5. After reciting the dua' (immediately or later on), one may feel more favorably disposed toward one choice or the other.
from the book Fiqh
us-Sunnah by As-Sayyid Sabiq It is a sunnah that, if one must choose between
permissible alternatives, one should pray two rak'as sunnah, be they regular
sunnah prayers or a prayer for entering a mosque, and so on, during any time of
the day or night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Qu'ran after
reciting Al-Fatiha. Then one should praise Allah and send salutations to the
Prophet, peace be upon him, and recite the following supplication which has been recorded by Bukhari in Jabir's narration:
"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a surah of the Qu'ran. He said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and say:
"O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters. O Allah! If you know that this matter (then mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life') then ordain it for me, make it (easy) for me and bless it for me. And if You know that this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life') then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain the good for me wherever it be and make me be pleased with it." There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many times one should repeat it. An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikhara, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he has desired to do before making the istikhara. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice of Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what one oneself desired or determined."
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,