My father and I don't share a good relation cause of obvious reasons, he has never proved to be a good father nor a good husband.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
My father and I don't share a good relation cause
of obvious reasons, he has never proved to be a good father nor a good husband , I have seen in these 40 years
of mine how my mother has suffered physically and mentally. And still he is torturing her and I am helpless.
Now he is going for umrah and my
husband has told me to meet him since he will be leaving in some days. Let me
tell you I am not very happy to do so
and have refused to meet him. I am doing the right thing as per islam. Cause just recently he has come up with an issue which is not at
all human.
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confidentiality.)
Answer:
Disown abusive
father
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness
that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah
Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should
not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat
your parents with great kindness; if
either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined
on mankind (to be good) to their parents: in travail upon travail did his
mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command)
"Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
- To
join others in worship with Allah,
- To
be undutiful to one's parents,
- To
kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the
crime of murder),
- And
to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
"Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Greatest sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
After the rights due to Allah and His Messenger (saws), in
Islam the biggest rights in all mankind are due to one’s parents. The enormity of being undutiful to one’s
parents can be imagined by the fact that The Messenger of Allah (saws) listed
being undutiful to one’s parents as the second gravest of all the gravest sins
in Islam!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr
The Prophet (saws) said, "An
undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one
who is addicted to wine will not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, regardless of what one’s
parents do or say, regardless of whether or not they fulfill their responsibilities
towards their off-spring or not, regardless of their conduct, or character, or
condition….their child, being one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last
Day, should never never ever resent them, or be rude towards them, or break
relations with them, or say unto them even a harsh word! And if their Lord has blessed one or both
your parents to reach an abject old age, and their age has made them senile, or
troublesome, or quarrelsome, or even unreasonable….bring to remembrance the
time when the off-spring himself was a totally and completely helpless infant
and they brought him up with kindness and affection……thus when they reach that
abject old age where after having known and done much, they know nothing….it is
precisely at this stage of their lives when the off-spring is Commanded by
their Lord to treat them with absolute and total humility, and tenderness, and
kindness, and mercy….and whatsoever their parents may choose to say or do….do
not even say ‘uff’ to them…but speak to them words of humility and pray to the
Lord Most Merciful to have mercy upon them, just as they had mercy on their
child in its infancy.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah
Nahl verse 70:
70 It is Allah who creates you and takes your souls at death; and of
you there are some who are sent back to a feeble age so that they know
nothing after having known (much): for Allah is All-Knowing
All-Powerful.
My dear and beloved sister in Islam, as troublesome and
quarrelsome old age might have made one’s parents…remember that this life is
only a place of test and a trial….and the honor of serving one’s parents in
their old age is an opportunity for the righteous to earn the ultimate reward
of Paradise from their Lord in the Hereafter.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your
relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of his
parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Regardless of whatever one’s parents might choose to say
or do unto their off-spring…… it just does not behove and befit one who
sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day to treat them harshly, or Allah
forbid, disown them! Allah is our
witness sister, there is only one crime and sin greater in the Sight of Allah
than an off-spring being rude, or manner-less, or harsh with their words and
their deeds with their parents….ie. ‘shirk’ or associating other gods with
Allah Subhanah!!!
If one (Allah forbid) finds one’s parents enraged upon
them for any reason whatsoever, absolutely regardless of who is at fault, or
who started the argument or disagreement…….the absolute first thing they should
do is in extreme humility and politeness seek their forgiveness, and staying
within the boundaries of Allah Subhanah, strive their utmost to appease their
rage. In their anger or rage, even if
one’s parents were to say bad or abusive things to their children, it would be
the duty of the child to humbly listen and absorb whatever they might choose to
say without as much as building a frown upon their forehead!!!! Such is the level of humility and tenderness
and kindness expected from an off-spring in regards to their parents in Islam.
That would be akin to piety and righteousness on the part of the child in the
Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Your Question: ….Now he is going for umrah and my
husband has told me to meet him since he will be leaving in some days. Let me
tell you I am not very happy to do so
and have refused to meet him. I am doing the right thing as per islam.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad verse 25:
As for those who break
their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder
relationships which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on
the earth, their’s shall be the curse,
and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27:
And He leads astray
only those who disobey Allah, who break
Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder relationships what
Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the
Earth. These are indeed the people who
are the losers.
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws)
said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one
of the Names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with
the one who will keep good relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin), and
sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (the womb,
i.e. kith and kin).
It is absolutely impermissible, forbidden, and an
abomination of a sin in the Sight of Allah for one to break or sever any ties
or relationships of blood which the Lord Himself has created for them, leave
alone breaking relations with one’s own father!!!
Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, whatever might have
transpired between your father and you in the past, whatever he might have said
and done unto you or your mother, whatever the situation and conditions….you,
as one who fears Allah and the Last Day, must never never ever say or do
anything which would cause him even an iota of pain and grief….if indeed you
sincerely believe in Allah and the Last Day.
Only and only if you are satisfied that your Lord Creator Himself will
sever relations with you, should you ever even contemplate of ever severing
your relationship with your own father!!!! Such is the gravity of breaking or
severing one’s blood relationships in the Sight of Allah Subhanah!
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister