Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

assalmualiqum.

My question is regarding to my relations with my husband.we married almost 2 years ago and during these 2 years we spent 6 altogether.my question is this that now my husband is doing too much wrong with me he is treating me very badly more then often he puts his hands on me.i am allhamdulilah with my all heart sincere with him and his parents and other family members,justfor Allah's seek,the main dispute with him is this he wants me not to take any kind of intrest in his life what he eats what he wears what he wants etc etc. he is sasying me that if i want to live with him i have to bear all of his harshness and scoldness and should never tell to my or his parents? mu question is this that is this allowed for a muslim lady not to take care for her husband and do evrey thing good for alll who r called as a na mahram in our society, i hope u will guide me through hadith and narrations so that i can do this with my heart.

UR MUSLIM SISTER.

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Answer:

Husband’s treatment towards wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His  forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: mu question is this that is this allowed for a muslim lady not to take care for her husband and do evrey thing good for alll who r called as a na mahram in our society,

Beloved sister, from your short note it seems that you are an extremely caring person, who wants the best for her husband and his family members. Allah Subhanah has blessed the sacred bond of marriage, and it is His Mercy, that He has Himself created love and mercy between the couple in this relationship.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21: And of Allah’s Sign is that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.

Thus, to find peace, and develop love and tranquility in a marriage, both the husband and the wife, have to realize and accept each other as individuals, that each probably has a different background, upbringing, and values. Each must be compassionate and tolerant towards the other, if they indeed wish to live in peace and harmony.

If your husband is of a harsh nature, and a set of habits which he is unwilling to change immediately; like he likes his food in a particular manner, or his clothes in a particular manner, or his house in a particular manner, etc.; even though you may not completely agree with him, it would be prudent if you gave him some space and not try to enforce your views on him. If you start by challenging everything he likes, and every food he eats, and every shirt he wears, etc.; it is obvious he will resist and an argument will prevail.

If you use your discretion, and with wisdom and with love and compassion, when he is in a better mood to listen, try to tell him that it hurts you when you see him eating the wrong food, or wearing wrong clothes, etc.; he will be more apt to listen to your advice. And Insha Allah, slowly but surely, you will be able to correct his bad habits. But to get your desired results, you must do this with patience and wisdom; if you challenge him or argue with him on every small and big thing, you will never be able to make him realize his bad habits.

As many bad habits as he may have, surely he must have some very good habits which you approve of and like. If you concentrate on his good habits, you will learn to appreciate his companionship in a different light and manner.

Beloved sister, what you are experiencing in your marriage is indeed a normal condition of any couple early in their marriage. When I married my wife, I felt she too would have an opinion of everything I ate, everything I wore, the way I brushed my teeth, the color of my socks, etc.! We too had our share of arguments on petty issues. My immediate reaction was resistance, because I was obviously an adult, and my wife was trying to treat me like a 6-year old child!!! She was trying, in her own ways to show her love and compassion towards me and my well-being; but in her excessive care and zest, she was trying to be my ‘mother’ rather than my wife! But with time, Alhamdolillah, we learnt to understand and appreciate each other and each other’s likes and dislikes. A few habits I had to change, a few habits she changed; a few adjustments I made, and a few adjustments she had to make…. and above all, we accepted each other as individuals and a package….and the road to peace, harmony and tranquility was built in the marriage.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 287 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal

The Prophet (saws) said: “Whenever a woman causes annoyance and torture to her husband in this world, his mate from among the Hoors of Paradise says to her: ‘May Allah ruin thee, do not cause thy husband annoyance; for he is only thy guest, and will soon leave thee to join us in Paradise.’

It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration: ‘The whole is a provision (from Allah), and the best of the provisions is a righteous wife.”

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan