I wanted to enquire the most ideal qualities of a muslim husband and also the most ideal qualities in a muslim wife.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
wanted to enquire the most ideal qualities of a muslim husband and also the
most ideal qualities in a muslim wife. I have witnessed many failed marriage
arrangements and wanted some guidance on this issue. What are the qualitis that
women look for in an ideal husband and vice versa?
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Ideal qualities of man and woman
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Ref: Guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws) when
seeking a husband:
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your
daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be
temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'
Ref: Guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws) when
seeking a wife:
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is
married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and
her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a
Ref: Some Guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws)
for the brothers:
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3263 Narrated by Aisha
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Among
the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best
disposition, and are kindest to their families."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best
of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my
family. When one of you dies speak no ill of him."
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole
world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing
man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her
characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said,
"When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear
Allah regarding the remaining half."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq
The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats
badly those under his authority will not enter
Ref: Some of the Lords and His Messenger’s (saws)
guidance towards the sisters:
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous women are
devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have
them guard (their chastity, their husband’s property and honor, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which
woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he
looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his
wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3258 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal
The Prophet (saws) said that no woman annoyed
her husband in this world without his wife among the large-eyed maidens (of
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Your Question: What
are the qualitis that women look for in an ideal husband and vice versa?
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, in light of the
guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, if one were to sum up the quality or
characteristic that one should look out for or seek when contemplating marriage
is the absolute prime quality of ‘taqwa’ (God-consciousness, piety, fear of
Allah and His Day of Accounting, righteousness, obedience of Allah’s Laws, etc.).
If one bases the decision of one’s marriage on the quality
of level of one’s ‘taqwa’, Allah is our witness brother, one would have made
the right decision and choice….for this one quality supercedes every other
characteristic or quality….and it is this one quality that will remain the root
of every good done or said by that person, and the root for abstaining from
every evil and sin and oppression and injustice.
It is only the level of one’s ‘taqwa’ that raises one’s
honor in the Sight of Allah, and believe it or not brother, whenever the
Allah says in the Holy Quran: Chapter 49 Surah
Hujurat verse 13:
O mankind, We created you from one man and one
woman, and then divided you into nations and tribes so that you may recognize
one another. Indeed, the most
honorable among you in the sight of Allah is he who has the most ‘taqwa’
amongst you. Surely Allah is
If one studies the Glorious Quran, one would realize that
more often than not, wherever Allah Subhanah Promises His slaves the
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale
Imraan verse 133:
133 Be quick in the race for forgiveness from
your Lord and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens
and of the earth; prepared for the ‘Muttaqeen’.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 50 Surah
Qaaf verses 31-33:
31 And the Garden will be brought nigh to
the ‘Muttaqeen’, no more a thing distant.
32 (A voice will say:) "This is what
was promised for you, for everyone who turned (to Allah) in sincere repentance
who kept (his law).
33 "Who feared (Allah) Most Gracious
unseen and brought a heart turned in devotion (to Him):
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 52 Surah
Tur verses 17-18:
17 As to the ‘Muttaqeen’ they will be in Gardens and in
18 Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord
hath bestowed on them and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah
Qalam verse 34:
34 Verily for the ‘Muttaqeen’
are Gardens of Delight in the Presence of their Lord.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah
Nahl verse 31:
31 Gardens of Eternity which they will
enter: beneath them flow (pleasant) rivers: they will have therein all that
they wish: thus doth Allah reward the ‘Muttaqeen’
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah
Furqan verses 15-16:
15 Say: "Is that (fire) better or the
eternal Gardens promised to the ‘Muttaqeen’? For them that is a
reward as well as a goal (of attainment).
16 "For them there will be therein all
that they wish for: they will dwell (there) for aye: a promise to be prayed for
from thy Lord."
Thus in conclusion brother, when seeking marriage, seek
the level of ‘taqwa’ of the suitor, and Allah is our witness brother, there is
no quality which will serve the believer more in this world and the Hereafter
than this supreme and invaluable quality and characteristic of ‘taqwa’ or
Every other quality or characteristic, regardless of
whether it be wealth, looks, status, rank, color, race, language, beauty,
lineage, etc. by its very nature is belittled by the supreme quality of
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured
of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,