My problem is my husband. From the first year of our marriage he had depended on me working as supporting the family financially
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Al Salamu Alaykum, I need serious advise & I do not know who should I go to. I am married since 25 years and God has blessed me with three amazing children - they all are good muslims and perform their islamic obligation. My problem is my husband. From the first year of our marriage he had depended on me working as supporting the family financially, I did not mind specially at the early years of marriage. ( My husband was on and off with work due to his lack of professionalism, he works one year and stays home one year, at times he is out of work two years) But after 25 years of non stop working and supporting the family financially, I felt sick - lower back problem - I had a talk with my husband of me not being able to continue work, the shoke came when he told me he cannot support the family. I had a serious depression till now, I went through horrible period & because of my sickness I lost my job. I still had hope that my husband will support us (he had inherited from his late father some money ($25000/-) and some land. To my shock he refused to use this money, saying that his sister and his mother might need the money. Though his sister has the same amount of money inherited from her father. I was forced to use my indemnity which I received from my job to pay for university, school, house rent etc... I do not know what to do, I have no feeling & respect for my husband & I feel hurt, disapointed and I really want to ask for a divorce. The problem my two elder children- son 23yrs , daughter 20, know about their fathers money & know of his refusal to get the money. I am still under treatment from the depression. I have started to look for work to supprot the family as my savings is not much. Please advise me Can I ask for a divorce....what to do I request you to please answer me. I appologize for the long story. Jazakum Allah Khiran. My brother and sisters came to kown now about all the above as I never mentioned anything during the 25years. They want to talk to him but I know there is no use.
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Husband not willing to support
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 34 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.
Dear and beloved Sister, Islam has laid the absolute complete responsibility of the financial upkeep of the family upon the shoulders of the man alone. Even if the husband is broke or a pauper and his wife is a millionaire, the wife in Islam is neither required nor obliged to spend even one-cent of her wealth upon the upkeep of the family or the household….that responsibility is laid upon the shoulders of the men in Islam.
If the wife of her own free wills wishes to give some funds to her destitute husband or to run the household, there is absolutely no harm….and such a contribution from the wife will be way over her prescribed duties and responsibilities in Islam….and if perchance, the wife does spend of her wealth on the upkeep of the family or the house, the husband should be grateful to her in words and deeds and recognize and appreciate the favor or ‘ehsaan’ the wife has done.
If the husband does not fulfill his financial responsibility and duty upon his family which has been laid upon him by the Lord, or he forces his wife to spend of her wealth for the upkeep of the household against her will….such a person will be guilty of not fulfilling the obligatory duties laid upon him by the Lord and will have an extremely severe accounting in the Just and Supreme Court of the Majestic Lord on an Inevitable Day.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 2181 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Of the Dinar you spend as a contribution in Allah's Path, or to set free a slave, or as a Sadaqah given to a needy, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward (in the Sight of Allah) is that which you spent on your ‘ahl’ (wives and children, family).
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. When one of you dies speak no ill of him."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3263 Narrated by Aisha
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.
Your Question: Please advise me Can I ask for a divorce....what to do I request you to please answer me.
Beloved Sister, if your husband is absolutely unwilling to bear his responsibility and duty and provide for the upkeep of his family and house, or he forces or coerces you to provide from your means for the upkeep of the family and house….you are well within your rights in Islam to initiate a divorce proceedings against such a husband, and there will be absolutely no sin or blame upon you in the Sight of Shariah Law or of Allah Subhanah. The burden of the sin will be borne by the husband.
But if you do not wish to divorce your husband for any reason, you may wish to show patience and forebear and forgive and overlook the faults of your husband, and continue in your condition, save your marriage, and look forward to your day in the Supreme and Just Court of the Lord Most High on the Day of Judgment; where Allah is our witness, not even an iota of injustice done upon one will be allowed to escape retribution. One may be able to get away with injustice and tyranny in the life of this short and transitory world, but Allah is our witness, no unjust or tyrant oppressor will be able to walk away without paying full retribution to those he oppressed in the Presence of the Lord Most Just, Most Majestic on that Inevitable Day.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah Anbiyaa verse 47:
47 We shall set up Scales of Justice for the Day of Judgment so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least. And if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed (good or evil), We will bring it (to account): and enough are We to take account.
Thus my beloved sister, the choice is yours. You are well within your rights in Islam to seek and initiate a divorce against a husband you is not fulfilling even his absolutely basic and minimum requirement….or you may chose to accept your condition, save your marriage, and wait for your retribution in the Presence of the Lord Most Supreme on the Day of Judgment.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,