Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

salam,

My question is that can a girls parents force her to marry some someone who she is not in love with or ever had any relation which declares that she was ever interested in him. I am 21 yrz old girl living here in canada. My parents asked me before if i am able to get married to my cousin in Pakistan which i deniyed. They asked me again and my answer was still no. After sometime my father emotionally threatned me to get married to him or he will do some sin. I was deeply presurzied and said if u dont want to listen to me do what ever you want and walked out. after some time i tried talking to my parents again but they refused to listen to me. When i had no choice I messaged my cousin and told him everything. I also told him i dont want to marry him in any case and was being presurized everyday to say yes. Now fianlly Alhumdullah the wedding has been called off.. but my family refuses to talk to me about any matter. They told me that they cant ever face my cousins or any one from Pakistan. Am I committing a sin by declaring my rights? I dont want to hurt anyone so I had to take a bold step in order to save my life. Am I being unloyal to my family and friends around me? My parents also said that i wont find any one better than my cousin and no one will marry me because of the above situation. I need an answer Urgently.

Jazak Allah

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Refuse to marry family choice

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: Am I committing a sin by declaring my rights?

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2078 Narrated byAisha, Ummul Mu'minin

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians (wali) is void.’ (He (saws) said these words) three times.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman may not give another woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage; for the immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."

Beloved Sister in Islam, Islam guides that neither should the believing woman who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day marry someone without the prior consent of her guardians; nor should the guardians marry their daughter to anyone without her consent.

As much as Islam guides the believing woman to consult and seek the consent of her parents/guardians to her marriage; the absolute final right and authority to agree or disagree to her marriage is in the hands of the bride alone. To have the specific consent and approval of the bride during her marriage is an absolutely obligatory condition for a marriage to be recognized as legal and lawful in the Sight of Shariah.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.101 Narrated by Aisha

Allah's Messenger (sws) said, "It is essential to have the consent of a virgin (for her marriage).’ I (Aisha) said, "A virgin feels shy." The Prophet (saws) said, "Her silence means her consent."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.98 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron (divorcee, widow, etc.) should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not." It was asked, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! How will she (the virgin) express her consent?" He (saws) said, "By keeping silent."

Allah Subhanah has given the final right and authority to accept or reject a marriage proposal in the hands of the bride; and there is absolutely no sin upon the believing sister who chooses to exercise her God-given right to refuse a proposal to her marriage.

Dear and beloved sister in Islam, it is not the exercising of her God-given right to refuse a marriage proposal itself which would constitute a sin; but if the sister was rude, or impolite, or used harsh words, etc. towards her parents/guardians when rejecting the proposal which would indeed constitute a major sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Your Question: I dont want to hurt anyone so I had to take a bold step in order to save my life. Am I being unloyal to my family and friends around me? My parents also said that i wont find any one better than my cousin and no one will marry me because of the above situation.

The daughter must realize that amongst all creation, she will not find a better well-wisher or one more concerned for her well-being than her own parents/guardians; thus when deciding on a subject as important and as crucial as her marriage, the least she should do is at least give weight to her parent’s concerns, and marry someone only with their prior consultation and consent. That would be considered piety and righteousness on the part of the daughter in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Islam guides and commands that under absolutely no circumstances should the parents/guardians of the girl ever marry the girl without her prior consent and approval; and as much as they may think or like someone, and as much as they may assume that their choice is the absolute best for their daughter; if for any reason whatsoever their daughter does not wish to marry their choice, they should neither force, nor pressurize, nor accuse, nor abuse, nor revile their daughter, nor should they make her feel guilty for exercising her God-given right to reject a proposal…..but rather seek to marry their daughter to someone whom both parties are comfortable with and can agree upon. That would be considered piety and righteousness on the part of the parents/guardians in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Your Statement: I need an answer

It is indeed unfortunate that matters had to reach such a stage, and you were forced to take the actions you took. Beloved Sister, what has happened has happened and one cannot change what has already passed….but it would be akin to piety and righteousness on your part now to take steps to amend your relations with your parents….and even though you were absolutely well within your rights in Islam to reject a proposal you were not in agreement with….in absolute and total humility and in gratitude for all the favors your parents have done upon you……you take the first step and approach them to forgive you for hurting their feelings…..and if need be, with absolute humility and wisdom try to explain to them the reasons for your refusal; perchance they may bring themselves to accept your reasons for your refusal and forgive and forget the unfortunate incidents that transpired.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan