Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

AS SALAM ALAIKUM RAHMATH ALLAH

IAM FROM INDIA AND MY WIFE CALLS ME BY MY NAME AND MY PARENTS DOESN`T LIKE IT BECAUSE AS PER OUR CULTURE WIFE`S DOESN`T CALLS HUSBAND BY NAME ITS NOT A SIGN OF RESPECT, AND I FEEL IT IS BETTER NOT TO FOLLOW OUR PARENTS TO RESPECT THEM THATS WHAT I PREFER, PLEASE GUIDE ME IN THE LIGHT OF QURAN ON SUNNAH

JAZAKALLAH KHAIR 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Call husband by name

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Every culture has its own way of honorably addressing another; and although there is absolutely no harm and no sin in Islam if a wife wishes to address her husband, or the husband wishes to address his wife by their maiden names, it would be considered a better and more honorable form of address in Islamic Culture to call one another as ‘Umm so and so…’ (‘O mother of (their eldest sons’ name))’, or ‘Abu so and so…’ (‘O father of so and so (their eldest son’s name))’.

We reiterate again that there is absolutely no harm and no sin in Islam if a wife wishes to address her husband by his maiden name, or a husband wishes to address his wife by her maiden name.

But if one lives in a culture where it is considered offensive for a wife to address her husband by his maiden name, and especially if one’s parents do not like it or approve of it; it would be best for a righteous wife to abstain from addressing her husband in public using his maiden name. She would be immensely rewarded by Allah Subhanah for respecting the wishes of her husband’s parents.

Thus the real issue here is not whether it is legal in Islam to address one another using their maiden names; but the real issue is obedience and respect to the wishes of one’s parents; and there is absolutely no doubt that in the Deen of Truth called ‘Al-Islam’ the biggest rights after Allah Subhanah are due to one’s parents. Save for anything they ask which is in direct conflict with the Commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws); a wish of one’s parent should be honored as their command by their righteous children.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24: Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

It would be best for you to politely explain to your wife that your parents do not like and consider it offensive in their culture that she should address you by your maiden name; and humbly request her to address you in terms which are acceptable to your parents when in their company. If you ask your wife to comply with your request humbly and politely, it is expected that any righteous believing woman would have absolutely no problem in honoring your parents wishes and in the process earn huge reward from Allah Subhanah for her obedience.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan