Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

What can a husband and wife do while they are fasting?Can they kiss, hold hands, hug etc? 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Sex and physical limit between couple when fasting

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 187:

187 Permitted to you on the night of the fasts is the approach to your wives. They are your garments. And ye are their garments. Allah knoweth what ye used to do secretly among yourselves; but He turned to you and forgave you; so now associate with them and seek what Allah hath ordained for you and eat and drink until the white thread of dawn appear to you distinct from its black thread; then complete your fast till the night appears; but do not associate with your wives while ye are in retreat in the mosques. Those are limits (set by) Allah; approach not nigh thereto. Thus doth Allah make clear His signs to men that they may learn self-restraint.

It is permissible for the husband and wife to enjoy each other during the night of the fasts, but it is absolutely impermissible and forbidden for them to have sexual intercourse with each other during the fasting hours.

Abu Hurairah reported that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (saws) and said: "I am destroyed, O Messenger of Allah (saws) !" The Prophet (saws) asked: "What has destroyed you?" He said, "I had intercourse with my wife during a day of Ramadan." The Prophet (saws) asked: "Are you able to free a slave?" He said, "No". The Prophet (saws) asked: "Is it possible for you to fast for two consecutive months?" He said, "No." The Prophet (saws) asked: "Is it possible for you to feed sixty poor people?" He said, "No." The Prophet (saws) said: "Then sit." A basket of dates was brought to the Prophet (saws) and he said to the man: ‘Give this in charity.’ The man said: "To someone poorer than us? There is no one in this city who is poorer than us!" The Prophet (saws) smiled until his molar teeth could be seen and said: "Go and feed your family with it."

Related by Muslim and Bukhari.

If one does have intercourse with one’s wife while he is fasting, then he must atone for this transgression by either freeing a slave, (and if he cannot afford to do that) by fasting for two months consecutive, (and if he does not have the strength to do that) by feeding sixty poor people. This would be the ‘kaffarah’ or atonement for having sexual intercourse while one is fasting.

Regarding the ruling on touching, hugging, or kissing, etc., there are several narrations from the authentic Sunnah whereby it is recorded that the Messenger of Allah (saws) would touch and kiss some of his wives while he was fasting; thus the scholars are unanimous in their opinion that touching, hugging, or kissing one’s wives during fasts does not invalidate or break the fast.

Fiqh-us-Sunnah Fiqh 3.134a

It is reported that 'Aishah said: "The Prophet (saws) would kiss and embrace while he was fasting, for he had the most control of all of you over his desires." Umar said: "I was excited one time and I kissed [my wife] while I was fasting. I went to the Prophet (saws) and said: 'Today I committed a horrendous act--I kissed while I was fasting.' The Prophet (saws) asked: 'What do you think of rinsing with water while fasting?' I said: 'There is nothing wrong with that.' The Prophet (saws) said: 'Then what is the question about?'"

Ibn al-Mundhir says: " 'Umar, Ibn 'Abbas, Abu Hurairah, 'Aishah, 'Ata, ash-Sha'bi, al-Hassan, Ahmad, and Ishaq permit kissing. The Hanafiyyah and Shaf'iyyah say that it is disliked if it incites one's desires. If it does not do so, it is not disliked although it is better to avoid it." There is no difference between an old man or a young man in this matter. The question is whether or not the kiss excites one's desires. If it does, it is disliked. If it does not, it is not disliked although it is best to avoid it. It does not matter if the kiss was on the cheek or on the lips, and so on. Touching with the hand or embracing follow the same ruling as kissing.

Al-Muwatta Hadith Hadith 18.13

Yahya related from Malik from Zayd ibn Aslam from Ata ibn Yasar that a certain man kissed his wife while he was fasting in Ramadan. This made him very anxious, and so he sent his wife to the Prophet (saws) to ask him about that for him. She went in and saw Umm Salama, the wife of the Prophet (saws) and mentioned the matter to her, and Umm Salama told her that the Messenger of Allah (saws) used to kiss while he was fasting. So she went back and told her husband that, but it only made him find fault all the more and he said, "We are not like the Messenger of Allah (saws). Allah makes permissible for the Messenger of Allah (saws) whatever He wishes."

His wife then went back to Umm Salama and found the Messenger of Allah (saws) with her. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "What's the matter with this woman?", and Umm Salama told him. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "Didn't you tell her that I do that myself?" and she said, "I told her, and she went to her husband and told him, but it only made him find fault all the more and say, 'We are not like the Messenger of Allah (saws). Allah makes permissible for His Messenger, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, whatever He wishes.'" The Messenger of Allah (saws) got angry and said, "By Allah, I am the one with the most ‘taqwa’ of Allah of you all, and of you all the one who best knows His limits."

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan