A sister has asked about a second marriage of her husband.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assalam-u-alaikum,
In one
of the questions you posted earlier, a sister has asked about a second marriage
of her husband.
In the
reply, you mentioned that there is nothing she could do. She should just bear
and accept the consequences, otherwise if she cannot, then she should intiate
divorce proceedings.
Another
thing you mentioned is that the husband does not need the permission of the
first wife to marry a second, since Islam has allowed a man to marry upto four
wives, provided he can do justice.
I have
a little bit of a disagreement there. You mentioned that the husband does not
need permission of the first wife to marry a second. That may or may not be
true.
However,
what I do know to be true is that neither Islam nor Allah (SWT) has allowed a
man to just trample over the feelings of the first wife just to marry a second.
A man MUST MUST MUST care for the feelings of his first wife.
That
is because his first wife is a human being, NOT an animal. She has feelings,
demands, needs, and opinions. The true justice is when the man listens to his
first wife, and her needs and opinions, just like he will listen to his own.
Therefore,
in that sense, a man HAS TO respect the feelings of his wife, and, if not take
permission, then at least consult and discuss with the first wife, before
marrying a second.
There
is NO WAY that a man can ignore the feelings of his first wife. Otherwise,
instead of his second marriage being a source of reward from Allah (SWT), the
very fact that he trampled over and hurt the feelings of his first wife will be
a MAJOR (not MINOR) sin in and of itself. Like you always say, the man will
have to give a severe accounting of this sin of his on the Day of Judgement.
The
point is, that when man has been given the green light to marry upto four
wives, it does not mean he does it blindly. Islam has not said it, nor has
Allah (SWT) allowed it. He MUST do it very carefully and very responsibly, and
without hurting other people`s feelings. The sign of a true Momin is that he
considers others feelings before his own.
The
man MUST care for other people`s feelings. Otherwise, the second marriage will
be a sin for him, instead of being a source of rewards frim Allah (SWT).
Also,
Brother, this is for you. Before you give advice to other people, you must take
all these things into account, rather than being hasty and giving an incorrect
answer. That is what you did when you gave the sister the answer. That is also
what you have been doing in other answers to questions of a similar nature.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Second wife marriage
sin
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans,
marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye
shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a
captive) that your right hands possess.
That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, at the outset allow us
to clarify two things before we address each of your concerns listed.
- The
All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord Creator Who created everything in existence,
also created the distinct nature of each in His creation; and the very
nature the All-Wise All-Mighty Creator has bestowed upon the males amongst
human beings is that they are ‘polygamous’ in regards to their mates by
nature, and the females are ‘monogamous’!
This is a fact of nature, and if one denies, or cannot understand
or comprehend or accept the facts of nature, one will always, and I
reiterate, always fall short in comprehending the reality of the matter.
- The
All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord has permitted and allowed (NOT COMMANDED) the
believers who may wish to exercise their option of practicing polygamy, to
do so with the conditions that one may not keep more than a maximum of
four wives at any one time; and that those who wish to exercise the option
of practicing polygamy in Islam, MUST be just and fair and equal with
their dealings amongst their wives.
Your Statement: In
one of the questions you posted earlier, a sister has asked about a second
marriage of her husband.
In the reply, you
mentioned that there is nothing she could do. She should just bear and accept
the consequences, otherwise if she cannot, then she should intiate divorce
proceedings.
Dear and beloved brother, when one amongst man decides and
makes up his mind to lawfully take on more than one wife, and he is well within
his right and the boundaries of Islam to do so, the first wife or anyone else
for that matter, can actually do very little to change the person’s mind;
simply because the person is well within his rights and the boundaries of
Shariah to choose to exercise his option of practicing polygamy, if he wishes
to do so!
The first wife, if she wants to save her marriage, has
only two legal options:
- Either
accept that her husband will take on another wife.
- Or
initiate a divorce proceedings against him.
If the husband has absolutely made up his mind to take on
another wife and the first wife does not agree with his decision, he can very
well divorce his first wife and end the first marriage….and there is nothing
one can legally do to stop him!
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3274 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: ‘…a
believing woman must not ask to have her sister divorced in order to deprive
her of what belongs to her (her marriage); but she may marry, because she will
have only what Allah has Decreed for her.’
The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the woman who has
agreed to become a second wife to never demand or make a condition that she
will marry a (married) man only if he divorces his first wife, for each will
have only what their Lord has Decreed for them.
Your Statement:
Another thing you mentioned is that the husband does not need the permission of
the first wife to marry a second, since Islam has allowed a man to marry upto
four wives, provided he can do justice.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans,
marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye
shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive)
that your right hands possess. That
will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.
My dear and beloved brother in Islam, it is not we who
mentioned or gave our personal opinion, but we repeated and quoted only what
Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, related in His Glorious Book of Guidance
regarding the matter concerned!
Allah Subhanah has permitted and allowed the believers to
marry and keep a maximum of four wives at any one time if they wish to do so,
provided they are confident that they will be able to deal justly and equally
between their wives. Other than this
one condition, the Lord Most High has not laid any other condition or
restriction for one who wishes to exercise his option to take on more than one
wife…..and it does not behove and befit one who sincerely fears Allah and the
Last Day to invent or introduce their own conditions and restrictions when
Allah and His Messenger (saws) have not endorsed them.
To invent and introduce a restriction in doing a lawful
deed when Allah Subhanah has not laid such a condition is tantamount to
inventing a lie and attributing it to Allah Subhanah!
In the pre-Islamic days of ignorance, the pagan Arabs
would invent and introduce their own restrictions and conditions in declaring
the consumptions of animals haraam and halaal according to their own whims and
fancies, and attribute their invented restrictions to Allah Subhanah!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 6 Surah
Anaam verses 138-139 and 143-144:
138 And they (the pagan Arabs) say that such and such cattle and crops
are unlawful, and none should eat of them except those whom so they say we
wish; further there are cattle forbidden to yoke or burden, and cattle on which
(at slaughter) the name of Allah is not pronounced; inventions against Allah's Name:
soon will He requite them for their inventions!
139 They (the pagan Arabs) say: "What is in the wombs of such and
such cattle is specially reserved (for food) for our men and forbidden to our
women; but if it is still-born then all have shares therein. For their (false) attribution (to Allah) He
will soon punish them: for He is full of Wisdom and Knowledge.
143 (Take) eight (head of cattle) in (four) pairs: of sheep a pair and
of goats a pair; say hath He (Allah) forbidden the two males or the two females
or (the young) which the wombs of the two females enclose? Tell me with
knowledge if ye are truthful.
144 Of camels a pair and of oxen a pair; say hath He (Allah) forbidden
the two males or the two females or the (the young) which the wombs of the two
females enclose? Were ye present when
Allah ordered you such a thing? But
who doth more wrong than one who invents a lie against Allah to lead astray men
without knowledge? For Allah guides not people who do wrong.
To believe, or assume, or invent a restriction or
condition that one who wishes to exercise the option of taking on more than one
wife must have the permission and consent of his first wife…is to
introduce a condition when Allah Subhanah has laid no such condition or
restriction!
Your Statement: I
have a little bit of a disagreement there. You mentioned that the husband does
not need permission of the first wife to marry a second. That may or may not be
true.
Beloved brother in Islam, Allah and His Messenger (saws)
have laid no such condition that the believer who wishes to exercise his right
to marry and keep more than one wife has to take the permission of his first
wife; and it would not behove and befit a believer who sincerely fears Allah
and the Last Day to introduce or invent a restriction when Allah and His
Messenger (saws) have not endorsed it!!!
Your Statements:
However, what I do know to be true is that neither Islam nor Allah (SWT) has
allowed a man to just trample over the feelings of the first wife just to marry
a second. A man MUST MUST MUST care for the feelings of his first wife.
That is because his
first wife is a human being, NOT an animal. She has feelings, demands, needs,
and opinions. The true justice is when the man listens to his first wife, and
her needs and opinions, just like he will listen to his own.
Therefore, in that
sense, a man HAS TO respect the feelings of his wife, and, if not take
permission, then at least consult and discuss with the first wife, before
marrying a second.
Islam absolutely respects the feelings and conditions of
each individual, the husband, the wife, and also the woman who has agreed, of
her own free will, to become the second wife!
But there is a huge difference between something being an
emotional issue and something being a legal issue! If the married person wishes to consult, discuss and obtain the
consent of his first wife if he wishes to marry again, he may very well do
so….but he is not, and cannot be compelled by law that he cannot take on a
second wife without the precise consent of his first wife!
Your Statement:
There is NO WAY that a man can ignore the feelings of his first wife.
Otherwise, instead of his second marriage being a source of reward from Allah
(SWT), the very fact that he trampled over and hurt the feelings of his first
wife will be a MAJOR (not MINOR) sin in and of itself.
It is precisely to protect the rights of the first wife,
that the Lord Most High has laid the condition of justice and equality between
the wives; and one who is not just amongst his wives will indeed have a severe
accounting for his injustice in the Presence of the Lord Most High on an
Inevitable Day.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man has two
wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection
with a side hanging down!’
But instead of being emotional regarding the protection of
feelings of just one party; one should realize that the condition and plight of
the woman who has agreed, of her own will, to become someone’s second
wife! What about her rights and her
feelings and her social, physical, and spiritual situation???
Every woman would love to have a husband for herself
alone! Then why does a woman agree to become someone’s second or third or
fourth wife?? If she could find someone
who is unmarried and willing to marry her, she would never agree to be
someone’s second (or third or fourth) wife!!!
What about the rights and plights of this second woman? Just because she is unmarried, or divorced,
or widowed, or is a single mother, etc….she has no feelings or right to
marry??? One can only imagine, if not
see around them in the ungodly and ignorant society we live today, what is the
plight of these single sisters, who are willing to marry but cannot find a
bachelor to marry them because of their age, or their children, or their
divorce, or their condition of being widowed at a young age!!!!!
Beloved brother, instead of concentrating on the feelings
of only one party, Islam has presented a lawful solution that resolves the
rights of all parties….
The first wife is guaranteed justice and equal treatment
from her husband.
The second wife gets the protection for herself and her
children in a honorable and lawful manner.
And the man who wishes to satisfy himself with more than
one woman gets what he desires, provided he is willing to honor, respect,
protect, and provide equally amongst his wives.
Your Statement: the
very fact that he trampled over and hurt the feelings of his first wife will be
a MAJOR (not MINOR) sin in and of itself.
Dear and beloved brother, as much as we respect your
emotions on this issue, one who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day must be
careful in declaring a ‘law’ in Islam from himself…..It is Allah and His
Messenger (saws) alone who have the right to declare what deeds are considered
‘major’ and what deeds are considered ‘minor’ sins in the sight of the law and
of Allah Subhanah! One cannot introduce
an act and declare it a ‘major’ sin in Islam, when Allah and His Messenger
(saws) have not endorsed it!!!!
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.28 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "Avoid the seven ‘major’ (or great)
destructive sins." The people enquire, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)!
What are they?" He (saws) said,
- "To join
others in worship along with Allah,
- to practice
sorcery,
- to kill the
life which Allah has forbidden except for a just cause, (according to
Islamic law),
- to eat up riba
(usury),
- to eat up an
orphan's wealth,
- to give back to
the enemy and fleeing from the battlefield at the time of fighting,
- and to accuse
chaste women, who never even think of anything touching chastity and are
good believers.”
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.8 Narrated by Anas bin Malik
The Messenger of Allah (saws) mentioned
the ‘major’ sins or he was asked about the ‘major’ sins. He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah; to kill a soul which Allah has forbidden to kill; and to be
undutiful or unkind to one's parents."
Your Statement:
Also, Brother, this is for you. Before you give advice to other people, you
must take all these things into account, rather than being hasty and giving an
incorrect answer. That is what you did when you gave the sister the answer.
That is also what you have been doing in other answers to questions of a
similar nature.
Respected brother in Islam, we absolutely accept your good
advice, and seek your forgiveness and the forgiveness of our Lord Most High if
our shortcoming in knowledge or mode of communication have given rise to any
misunderstanding in any aspect of the deen.
Beloved brother in Islam, as far as it is humanly
possible, and unless and until we are specially asked, we always abstain and
refrain from giving our personal opinion or our advice on this humble
forum….but our humble role is only to relate the guidance in light of and with
evidence from the Glorious Quran and the authentic and established Sunnah of
the Messenger of Allah (saws).
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah
Ahzaab verse 36:
It does not behove a believing man and a
believing woman that when Allah and His Messenger have given their decision in
a matter, they should exercise an
option in that matter of theirs. For
whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger,
has indeed strayed into manifest error.
Beloved brother, if you can recall the answer and article
written to the sister, all we did was relate to her what Allah and His
Messenger (saws) had declared lawful in Islam, and what they had determined as
unlawful….and when Allah and His Messenger (saws) have given a decision in a
matter, it does not behove and befit a believer that they introduce their
feelings, or emotions, or likings, or dis-likings, etc. in that matter….
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other
than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led
astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister