I've a son, a 15 year old who is very naughty. He refused to hear what I have to say about good things and does all the opposite
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
I've a son, a 15 year old who is very
naughty. He refused to hear what I have to say about good things and does all
the opposite. Lately we brought him to
the specialist and they diagnosed him of having ADD - medical terms for
Attention Deficiency Disorder.
the specialist confirmed that these ADD
person have lack to focus, difficulties to focus - to my term it's just plain
lazy.
I know that children are for parents to
raise and nurture. We parents have given him all the best the world can give.
Good Food, cloth, education both acedemic and islamic studies ( reciting,
prayers and etc). But he's becoming the
opposite side of what we expect him to be.
Is this call fate - qada' and qadar. Is he
born to be a naughty and nasty and disrespectful to the parents. Is it because
of our previous sin that brought god to test us on our patience. Please help
us. Thank you.
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Answer:
Undutiful son
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your
Question: Is this call fate - qada' and qadar. Is he born to be a naughty and
nasty and disrespectful to the parents.
It is indeed the prescribed duty of parents and guardians
to love, honor, cherish, and nurture their off-spring towards being righteous
and pious and good wholesome citizens of mankind. If the parents have strived their best to
instill righteousness and piety into their children, and their children for
some reason become unrighteous and impious, they will not be responsible for
the deeds of their children in the Court of Allah Subhanah.
But if there has been an amount of negligence or
deficiency in the efforts of the parents to instill piety and righteousness
during the learning age of their children, they indeed will be held partly
accountable for not fulfilling their duty and responsibility towards their
children in the Court of the Lord All-Knowing, All-Wise.
Allah presents the example of the son of
Your
Question: Is it because of our previous sin that brought god to test us on our
patience.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah
Anbiyaa verse 35:
35 Every soul shall have
a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good (conditions) by way of
trial: to Us must ye return.
Beloved brother, this short and transitory life of earth
is no more than a period of tests and trial ordained by the Lord whereby He
puts each in good or bad conditions to see whether man is grateful and patient,
or ungrateful and impatient. It is only
on the Day of Judgment where each will be rewarded or punished according to the
deeds one did during his ordained test period of life.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verses 155-157:
155 Be sure We shall test you with something of fear, and hunger, some
loss in goods, or lives, or the fruits (of your toil); but give glad tidings to
those who patiently persevere.
156 Who say when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and
to Him is our return."
157 They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah and Mercy, and
they are the ones that receive guidance.
Rest assured that the condition of your son or his
behavior toward you is not a result of your previous deeds or sins; but rather
something the son has of his own free will chosen to do, and a means of trial
for you and him.
Your
Statement: Please help us.
Dear and beloved brother, if your child as you have stated
has already reached the age of fifteen, then it is obvious that his age of
weaning or parental influence or earning guidance from his parents are probably
coming to an end. At this late age of
rebellion on the threshold of adulthood, and especially in this
modern-educated-‘freedom-loving’-but ungodly day and age, it would only be
prudent of a parent to try and influence their teen-age children with love,
patience, sacrifice and wisdom rather than force or coercion.
Beloved brother in Islam, with patience and with wisdom
strive and try to the best of your ability to instill the fear of Allah
Subhanah into your child; for that one fear of standing in the Tribunal of the
Lord Most High to give a full accounting of one’s deeds alone has the power to
change the attitude of even the most obnoxious transgressors!
Had the child been engrained with the belief that second
only to the abomination and unforgivable crime of ‘shirk’ or associating other
deities with Allah in worship is being undutiful to one’s parents in the Sight
of the Lord Creator, the attitude and
relationship between every believing parent and child would be significantly
different from what is in vogue today.
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
Greatest Sins. He (saws) said, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has
forbidden to kill, i.e. to commit the crime of murdering),
Beloved brother in Islam, whatever the conditions of
trials has ordained for you, never never ever lose hope or despair of the Mercy
of your Lord. Remain absolutely constant
in your supplications to Him for you and your son, and implore Him in absolute
humility and hope to have Mercy on you and your off-spring and guide you all to
the path that is Pleasing and Acceptable to Him; it is expected that your Lord
Most Gracious will help and deliver you and your loved ones from every harm.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister