I am 22 yrs old...married and happy with my husband...but b4 my wedding i liked a boy a lot...but bcos it wud cos too much problems we decided to give up on our love for the sake of our parents...
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear brother
assalamu alaikum...
i have asked quite a few questions in your forum...and all the answers have
been very helpful to me...and have cleared my mind...i would like to thank you
for personally answering to my problems...
i hope this will be my last email and all my problems will be solved ...insha
allah,..
i am 22 yrs old...married and happy with my husband...but b4 my wedding i liked
a boy a lot...but bcos it wud cos too much problems we decided to give up on
our love for the sake of our parents...
ive always wanted to go to heaven...but now my wish to go to heaven has bcome
even more stronger...bcos i want to meet my frd atleast in the next life and
live happily with him for all eternity...he told me he has the same wishes too...are
my intentions to go to heaven rong?.
are my intentions silly and is it a sin to
think that i shud go to heaven just to live with a boy whom i loved?.
even tho there is absolutely no contact between that boy and me...i still have
thoughts of him...whnever i am doing certain things or listening to a certain
song...memories flood back into my head...i miss him sometime and sometimes i
feel everything happens for a reason and let it at that..
is it rong to have his memories enter my
head?..
it is not always intentional...sometimes it
jus happens...and i keep thinking of hm for sometime and thn it passes away.
is it rong to have his memories in my head?
is my thinking natural?.
even tho we dont talk now...i pray for him every day after my 5 prayers and at
nite...i havent forgotten him 1 bit...i pray that he shud get a good job
...come up in life...face difficulties and and be a god fearing person and that
allah shud show him the strt path...
is it ok if i pray for him?...or is it rong to pray for another man?..
all said and done ...i know it is a sin to talk to a boy and love him b4
marriage..and i know i shud ask repentance to god...but i also know that he
changed my life in a lot of ways...i started doing extra prayers...i became a
better person altogether......and after we parted,,,my intentions to b good
have bcome even more stronger...we mostly chatted and spoke over the fone...we
did say a few silly things to each other and called each other sweet
names...apart from we never talked bt sex and all that...
i know it is a sin...and i know that if god shud forgive me i shud feel ashamed
of it...but i dont feel ashamed bcos i know that it was him who changed me...
how can i feel ashamed of the best thing that happened in my life and changed
my life for the better?..
i feel sorry for a few things i know i shudnt have told to him...i ask
repentance many many times every single day..and i hope god will forgive me...
but will god forgive me without me being
ashamed for wat i did.? ..i am partly ashamed for some things,,,,but mostly i
am glad he changed my life and made my life more focussed.
lastly ive told u bt my situations...pls advice me as to wat i shud do to go to
heaven as a 22 yr old girl..i am also pregnant,,,i want all my doubts to be
cleared ..so i can have my first baby in peace,.,
pls help me and advice me...
ive read that every muslim shud tell abt his
religion to other ppl...i dont work and i am not very much in contact with
other ppl...how do i do dawa?..
pls help me
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
Thoughts of another after marriage
In the name of Allah, We
praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah
guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide
them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Sahih
Muslim Hadith 235 Narrated by Abu
Hurayrah
The
Messenger of Allah (saws) said that Allah Subhanah Says: ‘When it occurs to My
bondsman that he should do a good deed but he actually does not do it, I record
one good deed for him, but if he puts it into practice, I make an entry of ten
good acts in his favour. When it occurs to him to do evil, but he does not
commit it, I forgive that. But if he commits it, I record one evil deed against
his name.’ The Messenger of Allah (saws)
said the Angels said: ‘That bondsman of yours intends to commit evil, though
His Lord is more Vigilant than he!’ Upon
this He (the Lord) said: ‘Watch him; if he commits (evil), write it against his
name, but if he refrains from doing it, write one good deed for him, for he
desisted from doing it for My sake.’ The
Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘He who amongst you is of good faith, all his
good acts are multiplied from ten to seven hundred times (and are recorded in
his name) and all the evils that he commits are recorded as such (i.e. without
increase) until he meets Allah.’
If an evil thought
occurs unintentionally to mind and the person does not take his thought to
action, in light of the above quoted hadith, there is no sin recorded against
the person in his Book of Records. Allah
Subhanah’s Mercy is such that if it occurs to one to do an evil act, but he
does not actually do it, Allah Subhanah forgives the person that thought and
the Angels do not record it in the Book of Records. And if the person refrains
from doing the evil only for the Sake and Fear of Allah, not only does the Lord
Most Gracious forgive him his fault, but it is recorded as a good deed!
My dear and beloved
sister in Islam, one should not take this Mercy of Allah Subhanah as a license
to intentionally bring about and constantly fantasize about something unlawful;
for that would indeed be making a mockery of the Mercy and Grace of our Lord
Most Merciful. This forgiveness only
applies to random and unintentional thoughts that the Shaytaan whispers to our
hearts.
Your Questions: and i keep thinking of hm for sometime and
thn it passes away. is it rong to have his memories in my head? is my thinking
natural?.
Dear and Beloved Sister,
love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of
mankind! What determines virtue and sin
is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!
It is only natural that
when one has been so close to someone in one’s past, the memories of one’s past
might come to mind. As much as one might
try, one might not be able to control one’s thoughts and memories; but that
does not in any way mean when something unlawful comes to mind, one starts
fantasizing or enjoying those moments!
Beloved sister, although
you will not be held accountable in the Court of your Lord for your random
thoughts, it would be best to remember that you are now married and committed
in the sacred union of marriage to another man.
For a believing woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to
intentionally think and fantasize about someone else other than her husband would
indeed be against the very nature of piety and righteousness.
It would be best and in
the elements of piety and righteousness to leave one’s past in one’s past; for
if Allah forbid, if ever the accursed enemy of man, the Shaytaan were to sway
your emotions and if ever, in a moment of weakness, he were to inspire you to
take steps to contact or associate with another man out of marriage, it would
indeed be a grave sin in the Sight of Allah.
Your Question: is it ok if i pray for him?...or is it rong
to pray for another man?..
There is absolutely no
harm, in fact it is absolutely encouraged in Islam that the believers have
mercy on each other and supplicate their Lord Most Gracious to have Mercy and
Grace on their believing brethren.
But because of the
unlawful nature of the relationship you had with this brother before your
marriage, it would be best to leave your past in the past and not allow
yourself to be swayed by his constant thoughts and memories. Whenever the person’s thoughts come to mind,
seek the refuge of Allah from the whispering of the Shaytaan and strive to
occupy yourself in doing something useful.
Your Statement: i know it is a sin...and i know that if
god shud forgive me i shud feel ashamed of it...but i dont feel ashamed bcos i
know that it was him who changed me...
My beloved sister in
Islam, as much as the brother might have been good and as much as he might have
helped you become a better person, you must remember and realize that that
relationship before marriage was absolutely detestable and hateful in the Sight
of Allah Subhanah. Whatever might have been the case, you must
count your blessings, favors and grace of your Lord that nothing untoward took
place between the two of you before marriage, for then indeed not only would
your life in this world be effected, but the accounting in the Court of your
Lord would have been extremely severe and everlasting.
The human soul is always
prone to error and sin, and my beloved sister, it is nothing but the Mercy and
Grace of your Lord that he saved you from going any further than you did in
your unlawful relationship with a man before marriage.
If only you could bring
to mind the disaster and the abyss that your Lord Most Gracious saved you from,
you would indeed feel sorry and ashamed at your transgression of your Lord’s
Laws and turn back to Him seeking sincere repentance.
Your Statement: i feel sorry for a few things i know i
shudnt have told to him...i ask repentance many many times every single
day..and i hope god will forgive me...
The conditions or ways
to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:
One is aware that he has
sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at
his sin.
Makes a solemn covenant
and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
Turns to Allah and seeks
forgiveness, before he has met with his
appointment of death.
Is a believer and does
righteous good deeds thereafter.
Allah says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54: (O Prophet) say: “O My
servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s
Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before
the scourge overtakes you; for then you
may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good
people very much, who, if ever they
commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their
shortcomings. For who, but Allah,
can forgive sins? (And
Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from
Allah, and with Gardens beneath which
canals flow, and they will reside
therein forever! How excellent is the
reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54: When those come to you who
believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace
be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for
Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if
any of you did evil in ignorance, and
thereafter repented and amended (his conduct),
Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most
Merciful."
Your Question: but will god forgive me without me being
ashamed for wat i did.?
It is indeed an
obligatory condition of seeking repentance that one admits one’s errors, and is
sorry and ashamed at one’s unlawful transgressions of the Laws and Commands of
one’s Lord Most High.
If one is not sorry or
ashamed at one’s sins and errors, it in fact implies arrogance and fearlessness
of one’s transgressions of the Laws and Commands of their Lord Most Supreme;
and none in creation has the right or the audacity or the dare to turn or
approach his Lord in arrogance and fearlessness!
Your Question: lastly ive told u bt my situations...pls
advice me as to wat i shud do to go to heaven as a 22 yr old girl..i am also
pregnant,,,i want all my doubts to be cleared ..so i can have my first baby in
peace,.,
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 103 Surah Al-Asr verses 1-3:
1 By (the token of) time.
2 Verily man is in loss
3 Except such as have Faith and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of
Patience and Constancy.
Time and again Allah
Subhanah relates in His Glorious Quran that the two conditions that will enable
one to enter Paradise is faith and righteous good deeds; and the one thing that
inspires one to faith and to do righteous good deeds is ‘taqwa’ or the fear of
Allah Subhanah! The more ‘taqwa’ one is
able to develop in one’s heart of the Lord Most Gracious, the closer he will
find himself to the Mercy of their Lord.
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 79 Surah Naziat verses 34-41:
34 Therefore when there comes the Great Overwhelming (Event, ie: The
Day of Judgment!)
35 The Day when Man shall remember (all) that he strove for
36 And Hell-Fire shall be placed in full view for (all) to see
37 Then for such as had transgressed all bounds
38 And had preferred the life of this world
39 Their Abode will be Hell-Fire;
40 And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their
Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from Lower Desires
41 Their Abode will be the Garden.
To develop ‘taqwa’ or
‘fear’ of Allah’, the absolute first thing one needs to do is to recognize who
exactly is his Lord and Creator, why has He created everything in existence,
why has He created you on this earth, what deeds are Pleasing to Him, what
deeds bring about His Wrath and Anger, what exactly are His Rewards promised
for His righteous and obedient slaves, and what punishments await those who
deny and disobey Him?
Taqwa means to abstain
from doing anything that would bring about the Wrath and Displeasure of the
Lord All-Mighty; and to do deeds of righteousness which are commanded by Allah
and His Messenger (saws). Taqwa is to
live every moment of ones life with the solemn belief that on One Inevitable
Day every soul will be brought forth in the Presence of the Majestic Lord to
give a full accounting of every one of his deeds. Taqwa is to determine before doing anything
whether the Lord Most Merciful will be Pleased or Dis-pleased with the deed; if
one determines that the Lord will be pleased with the deed, he must do it
wholeheartedly; and if one determines that the deed would bring about the displeasure
and Wrath of Allah Subhanah, he must immediately abstain from it. Taqwa is to live every moment of one’s life
consciously striving to do deeds which would earn him the Pleasure and Good
Will of the Lord Most Merciful, and abstain from doing deeds which would bring
about His displeasure and Wrath.
If one studies the
Glorious Quran, one would realize that more often than not, wherever Allah
Subhanah Promises His slaves the
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 133: Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord and for a Garden
whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth; prepared
for the ‘Muttaqeen’.
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 50 Surah Qaaf verses 31-33:
31 And the Garden will be brought nigh to
the ‘Muttaqeen’, no more a thing distant.
32 (A voice will say:) "This is what
was promised for you, for everyone who turned (to Allah) in sincere repentance
who kept (his law).
33 "Who feared (Allah) Most Gracious
unseen and brought a heart turned in devotion (to Him):
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 52 Surah Tur verses 17-18:
17 As to the ‘Muttaqeen’ they
will be in Gardens and in Happiness
18 Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord
hath bestowed on them and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the
Fire.
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah Qalam verse 34: Verily for the
‘Muttaqeen’ are Gardens of Delight in the Presence of their Lord.
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 31: Gardens of
Eternity which they will enter: beneath them flow (pleasant) rivers: they will
have therein all that they wish: thus doth Allah reward the ‘Muttaqeen’
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verses 15-16:
15 Say: "Is that (fire) better or the
eternal Gardens promised to the ‘Muttaqeen’? For them that is a reward as well
as a goal (of attainment).
16 "For them there will be therein all
that they wish for: they will dwell (there) for aye: a promise to be prayed for
from thy Lord."
Nothing develops ‘taqwa’
in our hearts than the constant remembrance of Allah, and the absolutely best
way to remember Allah is attach oneself to the understanding and implementation
of the Wise counsel of the Glorious Quran!
Whatever written of
Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever
of error is of me alone. Allah Alone
Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,
Wister