Wife short temper, husband abusive
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamalikum,
one of my friends is going thru some problem and I wish to know what Islam has
to say about it. Whenever she and her husband quarrel even on slightest
provocation her husband threatens her with divorce or asks her to leave him or
prays to Allah to relieve him of her or curses her. Although my friend has been
supporting him financially totally ,she feels that she is not dominating him
but he feels that she is. So whenever they quarrel he taunts her about it,calls
her a bastard and abuses her entire family.When they reconcile she has told him
of how much this hurts her and he apologises But over a period of time his
resentment has grown so much that now he has gone way too ahead and called her
and her mother a prostitute,a slum dweller and a lot of other abuses and he
also spat on her and beat her in front of her children.each time he justifies
himself by saying that she is very short tempered, dominating and torturing him
mentally.
My question is that even if all of the allegations against her are true, which
is not except maybe for being short tempered,does this behaviour befit a
husband? She told him a lot of things about her family to him out of trust and
in anger he taunts or humiliates her about them.Now even if she is the worst
person on earth does it befit a husband to say such things? Can any person
justify (all of the above) behaviour by saying that he was provoked or that he
behaved in a fit of anger or that his wife's unpleasant behaviour is
responsible for this? Please comment.
Please withhold name and address.
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Answer:
Wife
short temper, husband abusive
In the
name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness.
Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray,
none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no
person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your
Question: My question is that even if all of the allegations against her are
true, which is not except maybe for being short tempered,does this behaviour
befit a husband?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228: Wives
have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the
generally known principles. And men are
a degree above them; and above all is
Allah, the All Mighty, All Wise.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34: Men are
the managers of the affairs of women because Allah has made the one superior to
the other, and because men spend
of their wealth on women.
Virtuous women are , therefore,
obedient (to their husbands); and they guard in his absence what Allah
would have them guard (their honor,
their property, etc.)
In
Islam, each family can be considered a
small State, and Allah has appointed the
man as the leader of the state, because
of certain natural qualities and because they provide for the family from their
means. But having been given the
position of a leader in Islam does not mean that the man becomes an arrogant
and oppressive dictator like the leaders of the world! In Islam,
when one is made a leader, his
duty is to fear Allah, and serve,
protect and maintain harmony in his state,
by being a just, benevolent, and
a loving servant-leader.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21: And of
Allah’s Sign is that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with
them, and (Allah has) created love
and mercy between you. Surely
in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.
Allah
himself says that he has created the relationship of husband and wife, so that we may find peace and tranquility in
this relationship. And Allah has put
love and mercy between the spouses, in
this sacred relationship of marriage.
But this love, respect, harmony,
peace and tranquility can only be experienced if both the husband and
wife fear and obey Allah Subhanah, and
give all the rights that are due to their spouses.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 19: O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their
will. Nor should ye treat them with
harshness that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them except
where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on
a footing of kindness and equity. If ye
take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about
through it a great deal of good.
It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an
authentic narration: ‘The whole world is a provision (from Allah), and the best of the provisions is a righteous
wife.”
Thus,
what is required for a peaceful and loving marriage and a good wholesome
life, is first and foremost the fear of
Allah Subhanah; that one day everyone
will have to stand alone in the Court of Allah Subhanah to give a full
accounting of all his deeds. Once this
God-consciousness and piety is developed in the person, he will always try to obey Allah and thus do
all his deeds in the best manner, giving
each the rights that are due to them.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated
by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is
best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3264 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said,"The believers who show the
most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and the best of you
are those who are best to their wives."
In the
case that you have described above, there is absolutely no excuse for the
husband to behave in the manner that he does; he should fear Allah Subhanah and
fear the Day when he will be brought forth to give a full accounting of his
deeds. Even if his wife is
short-tempered and he claims she instigates him to take these repressive
actions; he would be held accountable in the Court of Allah Subhanah for each
and every one of his actions. It would
be righteous of him and behoving of a believer if he had patience, and
controlled his anger when instigated.
Al-Muwatta Hadith 47.12
Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn
al-Musayyab from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "A
strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A
strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry."
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4766 Narrated
by Atiyyah as-Sa'di
AbuWa'il al-Qass said: We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn
as-Sa'di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed
ablution; he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me
on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Messenger of Allah
(saws) as saying: ‘Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire,
and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he
should perform ablution.’
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4759 Narrated
by Mu'adh ibn Jabal
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘if anyone suppresses anger
when he is in a position to give vent to it, Allah, the Exalted, will call him
on the Day of Resurrection over the heads of all creatures, and ask him to
choose any of the bright and large eyed maidens he wishes.’
Similarly,
the wife should fear Allah, control her temper, and not do or say anything
which she knows would instigate or upset her husband.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3258 Narrated
by Mu'adh ibn Jabal
The Prophet (saws) said that no woman annoyed her husband in this
world without his wife among the large-eyed maidens of
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best, he
(saws) replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her,
obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding
her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3255 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If I were to order anyone to
prostrate himself before another, I should order a woman to prostrate herself
before her husband."
Only if
the wife knew the rewards the Merciful Lord has prepared for her in
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3256 Narrated
by Umm Salamah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Any woman who dies when her
husband is pleased with her will enter paradise."
Thus only
if both parties fear Allah Subhanah, and strive to give the other their rights
with full willingness and with excellence; only then can one enjoy the peace
and tranquility that Allah Subhanah has blessed for those who are united in the
sacred bond of marriage.
Whatever
written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance,
and whatever of error is of me. Allah
Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,
Burhan
Wister