Divorce many times
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Me and my husband have been having problems since marriage but we managed to stay together, always praying hoping things will get better and had three children. Once he wrote a divorce three times only to come to the sheikh`s office and say that he did it to please the first wife becuase he instructed him to divorce me. But things got worse and being the 2nd wife he went to marry the third wife and things became worse emotionally and financially to the extent that he could not even pay the house for one and half years and he was not practising or treating the wives or the kids equal. I left two times and but he convinced to come back. And several times he wrote the talak but then he would apologise and I would go back to be safe of his problems and abuse I came to canada to educate my children and live here he even came with me to help settle and I took one of his sons with me. He would always quarrel with me about his son that I mistreat him and so on, sometimes he even wants to become violent. Recently, after several abusive email and telephones, he wrote me an email saying that he divorce me and he did not mention how many times is this divorce, is this divorce valid or not and if it is how many times considering the several times previously he issued the divorce verbally and by writing it?.
Now three months and ten 10days are over the last time he called I told him the sheikh here said he should send another email to revoke that which he didn`t and he said that I wanted to be divorced now I have it he never apologized.
He has a good job but he would not send me money every month he would send after three or four months as if these children are not his respobility. He would always complain that he has debt to pay is this right?.How can you marry and not be responsible for yourfamily is this right?.
Please let me know of the answer to my questions and please do not publish my name as this should be confidential.
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Your Question: is this divorce valid or not and if it is how many times considering the several times previously he issued the divorce verbally and by writing it?.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Verse 229: A divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you (men) to take back any of your gifts (from your wives) except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them. If any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah such persons wrong (themselves as well as others).
Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, it is not entirely clear exactly how many times has your husband divorced you! Islamic Law only permits that the husband can divorce his wife twice and take her back as his wife twice; if the husband divorces his wife for a third time, it will be considered an absolutely irrevocable divorce and the couple cannot remarry again unless and until the wife marries another man, and the new husband of his own free will divorces her, or dies.
The wisdom behind this two-divorces-remarriage and three-divorce-as-final laws of Shariah are to protect the rights of the women in Islam. The man is not allowed to use the responsibility of divorce laid upon him by Allah to harass the women, or use the divorce responsibility as a joke or play. With this three-divorce-is-final law, the man is forced to take a well-thought and responsible decision before he decides to divorce his wife. And if the man misuses his right of divorce, and pronounces all the three divorces at the same time, he has to bear the consequences that he will not be able to change his mind after that, nor remarry the woman unless she marries someone else and that person divorces her or dies.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 231: And when you have divorced your wives and they are about to complete their prescribed terms, then either retain them gracefully or release them generously. It is transgression to retain them merely for harassment. And whoever does that indeed wrongs his own self! Do not play with Allah’s Commandments, and remember that Allah has blessed you with a great favor. He admonishes you to show due respect to the Book and the Wisdom He has sent to you. Fear Allah and know that He is fully aware of everything.
Beloved sister in Islam, it is absolutely imperative that you immediately determine how many times has your husband divorced you, either verbally, on the phone, through email, fax, or any other form of communication. If he has divorced you twice, you still have an option to remarry him if both of you wish to do so. But if he has already pronounced divorce three times, then it would be considered an absolute, final, and irrevocable divorce.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,