Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

After being divorced by the father of my two children, he later on went time and time again abusing my younger brother who was then only 13 years old tempting others to do so, bosting about it in public that "my father has no say". Now my brother in his adulthood has turned to be gay and he is so confused, very unhappy. By nature he is a lovely person. We later on came to find out that the headteacher (muslim) where he was schooling had started abusing him since he was only 9 years old only. We had no clue at all that this was happening. We now know that my ex-husband was a paederphile since before he married me and this really hurts me. I have nightmares. I do not know how to feel towards my brother now. He was only a child. Subhanallah, Allah Karim. I am going crazy, I am trumatised. I cannot stop remembering it. I do tusbah every now and then. Please advice me what to do. 

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Answer:

Trauma from childhood experiences

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His  forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verses 156-157:

156 Who say when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return."

157 They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.

Beloved sister in Islam, whatever happened to your brother, whether through your husband, or the head-teacher, or what your brother has chosen for himself in his adulthood; you are absolutely innocent from the sins they have committed. If those who committed the sins do not sincerely seek repentance from the Merciful Lord before their appointment of death, they will indeed have a heavy reckoning in the Presence of the All-Mighty Lord on the Day of Judgement!

You must treat your brother well, and with extreme love and kindness and wisdom, and invite him to fear Allah Subhanah. But if even after your advice, he is adamant on the evil path of homosexuality which he has chosen for himself, he will indeed have a heavy reckoning on the Day of Judgement. And you must also constantly beseech the Merciful Lord to have mercy on your brother, help him, and guide him to the Straight Path of Islam.

Beloved sister in Islam, it is only natural and a Mercy from the All-Merciful that as his sister you feel and share your brother’s pain; but you must realize that you are not responsible for what happened to him in the past, or what he chooses to do in his adulthood of his own free will.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 153:O ye who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer: for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.

Beloved sister in Islam, constantly beseech Allah Subhanah and humbly implore Him to have Mercy on you and your brother, help you both, and guide you to the path of Truth. And as much as you can, constantly recite the 113^th and 114^th Surahs of the Quran (Surah Falaq and Surah Naas) and seek refuge in Allah Subhanah against any and all evil.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan