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Women Issue with Polygamy

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

 

I really appreciate your effort to keeping me updated.I honestly can not find any other appropriate word to thank you.I would like to request you that whever   I 'm asking please keep it to yourself.I would appreciate if you dont refer  me to anyone.I have full trust that is why I'm getting touch with you.

 

Again here I'm to put my doubts  for clarification.It  is fine that Islam has given the permission to get married 4 times and so also for the women to marry again after the divorce.I'm being stupit asking you again and again....

What about the feeling we have for husband and wife?

 

Supposing wife love her husband and husband dose not,and that is the reason why husband wants to get married,so he fights with her ,shouts her and blames her  for his failure. Finally ,he marrys a lady,he dose not even bother to inform her about the development for long time.Do you think it is justified. Dose Islam permit hem to keep his first wife in dark.And over that he every now and then  compares her activities with the other wife.What will be the answer for this??Dont you think the mommet the first comes to know about this thing,it will be total catastrophic situation for  her.She might get heart attack or she may break down completly. Getting marreid is possible  many times but can a person able to share his emotion amongt them???Husband wife relation is of course physical.What if the man dose  not even turn his head to the first wife and deprives her from the very fundamental rights.Islam says that monetary responsibility is completely over the man.But it has never happened !!!!!! He sends  only one fifth of his salary to his first wife.Do you think it is a sign of rightousness.Well I must assure you that the feeling this letter bears has nothing to do with modern education, it is a real feeling.I  will be grateful if you kindly give answer to these question asked.

 

I'm anxiously waitng for your answer.

Dose backmagic exist on earth???

Khudahafiz

 

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Answer:

 

Women Issue with Polygamy

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His  forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Beloved sister in Islam, we would never ever disclose your name and address, or the names and addresses of anyone who asks a question on this forum! Even when we distribute the questions and answers on the forum, so that the other believers might learn from their brothers and sisters experiences in the deen of Islam; we distribute the articles in complete confidentiality. Please be rest assured that we would never disclose yours or anyones identity to the general readers.

 

Q-1: I'm being stupit asking you again and again....

A believer should not hesitate, or feel embarrassed, or ashamed, to ask anything to any scholar in Islam; provided the intention is to increase ones knowledge in the deen. You may ask us any and all questions regarding Islam, until your heart is content with the guidance and teachings of Allah and His Messenger (saws); and if Allah helps us and guides us, we will strive to answer each and every one of them to the best of our knowledge and capacity.

 

Q-2: What about the feeling we have for husband and wife?

Firstly, we must understand that the One Who Created everything in existence, is the One Who Created us; and all His Laws and Commands are based on His Perfect Wisdom and Knowledge. Allah Subhanah knows the nature of everything He has Created; and He it is Who has given permission to the believing man to practice polygamy.

 

If the wife knows that her husband is a God-Fearing person, then she should not fear that just because he is marrying again, he will stop loving his first wife! Nor should the wife stop loving her husband for marrying again, because he has not overstepped the boundaries that Allah Subhanah has set for him. Allah Subhanah has given man the capacity to love more than one wife; just as He has given parents the capacity to love more than one child! Just imagine, if every first-born child would worry that his parents will love him/her any less when they have a second or third or fourth child; would that be justified?

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21:

And of Allahs Sign is that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.

 

It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration: The whole world is a provision (from Allah), and the best of the provisions is a righteous wife.

 

It is Allah Subhanah, who has created love and mercy between the spouses, so that they may live in peace and tranquility. No human being can deny the believing man the right to marry another wife if he chooses to do so; because the All Wise, All Knowing, has permitted him. Thus, as a believing woman, instead of worrying yourself, you should have patience and accept the Laws of the One Who has Created everything to perfection! And once you bring yourself to accept it; you will see the wisdom behind each and every command of Allah and His Messenger (saws).




 

Q-3: Supposing wife love her husband and husband dose not, and that is the reason why husband wants to get married, so he fights with her ,shouts her and blames her  for his failure. Finally ,he marrys a lady,he dose not even bother to inform her about the development for long time. Do you think it is justified? Dose Islam permit hem to keep his first wife in dark?

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

Men are the managers of women, because Allah has made one superior to the other, and because men support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence, what Allah would have them guard.

 

It does not behove a believer, who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day, to fight, or shout, or blame his wife without any proper reason. If he does so, he shall be accountable for his deeds in the Court of Allah on an Inevitable Day.

 

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration: The best amongst you is the one who is best to his wife; and I am best to my wife.

 

Thus the best amongst the believers are those who treat their wife/wives with respect, mercy, love, honor, and justice.

 

There is no condition in Islam that a husband who marries again, has to take the permission of his first wife. Thus if he did not inform his first wife, he was well within the boundaries that Allah has set on him; and each and every boundary that Allah Subhanah sets on the believers is justified.

 

The sooner the first-wife understands and accepts the Command of Allah that permits a believing man to marry again if he so wishes; the sooner she will be able to endure the reality.

 

Allah is the One Who Created man, and He is the One Who Created their nature. And it is in the nature of man, that he is polygamous! Just take a look around at the un-Godly world around us and see for yourself what is going on and what could have happened. A lot of husbands have affairs, openly and secretly, and there is nothing one can do about it! A lot of husbands divorce their first wives, and marry the new wife! Many husbands just leave their first wives, and move in with their second wife! Many husbands give all their attention and spend all their time and wealth on the new wife, and completely ignore the first wife! He could have done any number of illegal and immoral things and got away with it in this world; but he chose to do the honorable thing; and legally honor and marry a second wife, and also keep his first wife with the same respect, dignity and honor; and live within the boundaries of Allah Subhanah.

 

Q-4: And over that he every now and then  compares her activities with the other wife.What will be the answer for this??

If the husband constantly compares the activities of the other wife, and thus hurts or pains his first wife intentionally; he is absolutely in the wrong. It does not behove a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to do such a thing at all.

 

Q-5: Dont you think the mommet the first comes to know about this thing, it will be total catastrophic situation for  her. She might get heart attack or she may break down completly.

Yes, I guess human beings have a tendency to over-react to situations not in their control; but once they have accepted the situation, they are able to make much better decisions. I personally know many believers who have taken two and three wives; and they always say that it is hard on the first wife for a couple of weeks and if one is able to be patient, and merciful, and tolerant with the wifes conditions in the these first few weeks; things get calm and life returns to normal.

 

It is only because it is not the norm of society today for a man to take multiple wives; the first wife feels threatened and confused on what will happen; and starts thinking that the worst of what can happen, will happen to her. When her fears dont actually materialize, and once she brings herself to understand that it is Allah who has given this permission to the believing men to marry again; she is able to submit to the Perfect Wisdom and Knowledge of Allahs Permission.

 

Q-6: Getting marreid is possible  many times but can a person able to share his emotion amongt them?

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128-130:

When a woman fears ill-treatment or aversion from her husband, there is no harm if the two make peace between themselves; after all, peace is the best thing. Human souls are prone to narrow mindedness, but if you show generosity and fear Allah in your dealings, you may rest assured that Allah will be fully aware of all that you do. It is not within your power to be perfectly equitable in your treatment with all your wives, even if you wish to be so! Therefore, (in order to satisfy the dictates of the Divine Law) do not lean wholly towards one wife, so as to leave the other in a state of suspense. If you behave righteously and fear Allah, you will find Allah Forgiving and Compassionate. But if the spouses do separate, Allah will make each one of them independent of the other by His Vast Powers, for His Resources are limitless, and He is The All Wise, All Knowing.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, you may marry two, or three, or four women whom you choose. But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one wife, or marry those who have fallen in your possession. This will be a better course to avoid injustice.

 

The condition that Allah has prescribed for the believers who marry more than one wife is justice. If one fears that he will not be able to do just and equitable amongst them, then he may marry only one. The Shariah prescribes that one, who has more than one wife, be just and equal to all his wives in terms of distributing money, property, wealth, time, etc. The one who is not just and equitable amongst his wives will be held severely accountable in the Just Court of Allah.

 

Q-7: Husband wife relation is of course physical. What if the man dose  not even turn his head to the first wife and deprives her from the very fundamental rights. Islam says that monetary responsibility is completely over the man. But it has never happened !!!!!! He sends  only one fifth of his salary to his first wife. Do you think it is a sign of rightousness.

Indeed, if a man does not treat his wives equally and with justice, it is not a sign of righteousness! Just look at the severity of the punishment of the husband who inclines himself to one of his wives, as declared by the Messenger of Allah (saws):

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with a side hanging down.

 

Your Statement: Well I must assure you that the feeling this letter bears has nothing to do with modern education, it is a real feeling. I  will be grateful if you kindly give answer to these question asked. I'm anxiously waitng for your answer.

Dear Sister in Islam, we pray that Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you; and give you the patience to bear these trials with dignity and honor. Our advice to you is that you continue to be righteous and dutiful in your marriage; and look for your reward from the Merciful Lord in the Hereafter. The trials of this transitory life are only till one meets with their appointment of death; but the honor and rewards of the Hereafter are eternal and ever-lasting.

 

Q-8: Dose backmagic exist on earth???

The Quran does mention magic! By magic, we assume you mean a process whereby man and jinn connive to harm someone. Although, logically and in light of the Quran and Sunnah, it is not an impossible act for some miscreants to do it is regarded as a grave sin in Islam to do so. Besides, as a believer, we should always remember that no matter if all the men and the Jinns of the world got together to harm someone; they would not be able to do so without the permission of Allah Subhanah! Everything, absolutely everything is in the control of our Lord, and unless He Wills it, no combination of men and jinn can harm or benefit us in the least!

 

Allah has termed the people who practice magic as doing kufr in the Holy Quran, and has cursed them by saying that they will have no share in the Hereafter. Performing or trying to do magic is an evil deed and considered one of the grave sins in Islam.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 102:

Although it was obvious that they could not do any harm to anyone by means of this magic without Allahs permission, yet they learnt the art (of magic) which could not be profitable even for them, but was actually harmful. Moreover, they knew it fully well that, anyone, who purchased that art (of magic) would have no share in the Hereafter. What a vile commodity it was for which they sold off their souls, if they had but known it!

 

Sister, the thing we, as believers, must understand that those who claim to do magic or witchcraft do not have the power to hurt or benefit anyone, without the permission of Allah Subhanah. No harm and no benefit can happen to the believer without the Will of Allah Subhanah. If Allah does not will it, all the magicians and doers of witchcraft of the world can get together and try their magic on someone, they cannot harm them in the least!

All Power and All Strength is with Allah Subhanah Alone.

 

Most of the people who claim to do magic are frauds. In parts of Africa, South America, and especially in India and Pakistan, some unscrupulous holy people have opened shops claiming to have control of spirits, and perform witchcraft and/or magic. These people invent all types of satanic rituals and chants and spread fantastic stories of their past successful operations to impress their customer. And then other supposedly holy people have opened shops to remove this magic and witchcraft from the frightened and helpless customer! Thus, basically between the holy people supposedly doing the magic, and the supposedly holy people removing the magic; the common man is being conned! And the way these holy thieves operate, the common person is told so many stories and threats of this will happen to him and that will happen to his family, etc., that the person just does and gives whatever they ask in a state of fear and desperation to remove this magic from him and his family!

 

The believers must understand well that no harm, no magic, no Jinn, no witchcraft, no spell, no charm, no nothing; can harm or benefit us, without the permission of Allah Subhanah. Thus a believer must put his full trust in Allah Subhanah Alone! He is more than enough as our Helper and Protector.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

 

Your Brother in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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