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First wife feels injustice

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Burhan Bhai,

 

I was sent you e-mails couple months ago related to our problem that my husband cheating me to do second marriage, and i get replies from you and accept all the condition to save my marriage life and leave all the matter to Allah alone.

 

But now, the problems was created by her new wife, that since the economic are down, and my husband unable to support two families as from our marriage we get 4 kids, and their mariage get 1 kid. So she felt desperate and iritating to my husband, and blame him. Now my husband stay with me and kids, and she stay with her parents in other city due ( before for 4 months after i came back from pakistan , and found out that he was cheating me , we live all together in one house ) but created problems, as my husband unable to do equal behaviour among us, and his new wife so much try to control him and control my kids. although i nice and friendly with her.

 

About their marriage, Not even my parents in laws accept their marriage, not even the lady parents supporting their marriage, and everybody was being hurted and cheated by my husband.

 

dear burhan bhai, I admit that islam allow a man to have 4 wifes as long as he can bear justice and equal among the wifes. But now, how to be justice, if he unable to settle on one marriage , and he have so many loans to peoples, and her wife not support on his condition, as before when first time they maitain relation (like husband and wife before marriage) , my husband is handling a good business. And she demand to get more attention from him while i only demand equally.

 

Kindly please help me. what is better solution, as I many time try to make her understand, and maintain good relation with her, but everytime she was insulting me while our husband did not do any warning to her, she try to control him, and try to control my kids as well. She is proud personality.

 

How to Allah will open rezky if house full with emotion, anger and fight.

 

I am looking forward for your suggestion as she has no good niat, no good behaviour with us.

 

assalam oalaikum,

Dear brother in islam, burhan bhai,

 

I have read our brother in islam question no.(Question no.8200)Fate and destiny that on your explanation related to destinty and fate, Allah has confirm to our propet Muhammad SAW that only these four things has confirmed being destiny of aperson`s life

1.Whether the new born will be male or female.

2. What will be his rizk or provision.

3. What day, date, and place he will die.

4 Whether the person will be an evil or good person.

 

Than At my case , in which I am the victim of being cheated by my husband, he said that couples were settled by Allah in the heaven, wether a man will have 1,2,3, or 4 wife. All his arguments was confusing me and he was absolutely refuse to accept any guilty of his decision of married another wife, and he said what he doing was right in front of Allah.

 

1. I was being unjustify by him by send me far to other country for 2.5 years with my 4 kids, suffering far from him and he was enjoying his falling in love to the lady and free like husband and wife before marriage for months. He said, that love was giving by Allah and no one has any right to interfer.

 

2. I was also not a good muslim before, even I was once choose to leave islam and trhu my husband he was make me realized that it was a major sin, and we committed sin of zina at the past with him,but after i come back to be a moslem, and we marriage, i seek forgiveness of Allah of Taubah, and looking towards on Allah and always trying to do as per Allah command as a good muslimah but why

My husband do the same mistakes of zina, and lying to parents, lying to me, do false report of mentioned sigle in legal paper, and now, he said that all these are destiny of Allah as Allah was written before we born how many wife a man has.

 

3. He also said that i own debt with him as he was the one who turn me back to moslem, and this time i have to pay it all

 

4. while after his 2nd marriage the business was down with many loans, and I think because Allah has punish him to all his mistakes he is now unable to maintain 2 wife in financially. and in fact his new wife also regret the marriage, and not supporting his condition, and difficult to accept share husband with me. ( as stay together not anymore possible after 4 months trial, due to her proudly behaviour and too much insulting me, and controling husband, interfier me and my kids)

 

5. Until now, I didn`t see that my husband feel regret on his mistakes,he still continue on chatting in internet in dirty words with other ladies.

 

6. I need your suggestion, as impossible for me to ask for divorce considering of Allah and my 4 innocent kids. I only want, you can help me out and bear the matter of what he said and did all to me is true or not from the quran and hadist and he should do justify among us.

 

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Answer:

 


First wife feels injustice

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

My husband unable to do equal behaviour among us, and his new wife so much try to control him and control my kids.

My Dear Beloved sister, a man has been permitted to marry up to 4 wives at a time,

if he can do justice between them in terms of spending his time and resources with them.

He does not expressly need the permission of his wife or wives to marry again.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3 (part):

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one.

 

If one amongst the believers chooses to exercise the option and marries more than one wife and does not do justice between his wives in his allocation of equal time and resources, he will be held severely accountable in the Presence of the Lord Most Just on that Inevitable Day of Judgment!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 129:

129    Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)!  If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.

 

Only those believers who are confident that they will be able to do justice between their wives have been given permission by Allah Subhanah to marry more than one wife.

 

Than At my case , in which I am the victim of being cheated by my husband, he said that couples were settled by Allah in the heaven, wether a man will have 1,2,3, or 4 wife. All his arguments was confusing me and he was absolutely refuse to accept any guilty of his decision of married another wife, and he said what he doing was right in front of Allah.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans,  you may marry two, or three, or four women whom you choose.   But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one.

 

His contention that it is the wish and decree of Allah swt that he take on multiple wives is absolutely false. This is his decision and he will be answerable and accountable before Allah swt on the Day of Qiyamah

 

He also said that i own debt with him as he was the one who turn me back to moslem, and this time i have to pay it all.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 28 Surah Qasas verse 56:You cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whomever He Pleases.  And He best knows those who would accept guidance.

 

There is nothing in our deen of truth wherein one has to pay something for the guidance, because eventually all guidance is from Allah swt alone. 

 

My dear sister, There is indeed no worldly debt you owe your husband for his efforts in guiding you back to Islam. Whatever reward he deserves will be given to him depending on his intentions from Allah swt.

 

Now your husband has committed zina again and then married a second time. What did you expect, when both you and him did the same thing earlier.

 

You have rightly done taubah, and inshaAllah. Allah swt will grant you forgiveness from this infinite mercy. As for your husband is concerned be sure that repeating a major sin is definitely tantamount to limiting the wrath (azaab) of our Majestic Lord and Creator.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs,  say: "Peace be on you!  Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy.  Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance,  and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct),  Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving,  Most Merciful."

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who,  if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin,  remember Allah instantly,  and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings.  For who,  but Allah,  can forgive sins?   (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did.   These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah,  and with Gardens beneath which canals flow,  and they will reside therein forever!   How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

 

Allah Says in the Glorious Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 15:

15      Who receives guidance receives it for his own benefit: whoever (chooses to) go astray does so to his own loss: no bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another.

 

I need your suggestion, as impossible for me to ask for divorce considering of Allah and my 4 innocent kids. I only want, you can help me out and bear the matter of what he said and did all to me is true or not from the quran and hadist and he should do justify among us

 

Respected sister, if your husband is indeed unfair in the allocation of his time and his resources between his two wives, and you honestly feel that he is more inclined towards his other wife, you have the following two legal options:

  1. Bear the injustice of your husband, for the sake of your marriage and your children, in the firm belief that your Lord Most Just will take full account and re-compensate you in full for your patience on the Day of Judgment.

 

  1. If you cannot bring yourself to bear the injustice of your husband, you are well within your rights to approach a Shariah Court and demand a permanent separation from your husband through divorce. Under the circumstances there would be absolutely no blame or sin upon you.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128:

128    If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed.  But if ye do good and practice self-restraint Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

 

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, know with absolute and total conviction that your condition and your desires are not unknown to your Lord Most Gracious, for He is well aware of the exact condition of each in His creation.  Your condition is no more a trial and a test bestowed upon you from your Lord, thus be constant and consistent in your supplication to the Merciful Lord, and beseech Him and Him Alone in humility, in awe, and in hope for all that your heart desires; for there is none in the universe other than the One and Only Merciful Lord Who has the Power to hear and respond to the supplications of His believing slaves. 

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 35 Surah Fatir verse 2:

2        What Allah out of His Mercy doth bestow on mankind, there is none who can withhold: what He doth withhold, there is none can grant apart from Him: and He is the Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 11 Surah Hud verses 9-11:

9        If We give man a taste of Mercy from Ourselves and then withdraw it from him, behold! He is in despair and (falls into) blasphemy.

10      But if We give him a taste of (Our) favors after adversity hath touched him, He is sure to say "All evil has departed from me!"; behold! He falls into exultation and pride.

11      Not so do those who show sabr (patience and constancy), and work righteousness; for them is forgiveness (of sins) and a great reward.

 

If you practice sabr, InshaAllah in time he will respond more favorably. Our sincere advice sister is to bear this situation and make duaa to Allah swt always to give you the strength and patience required and make your trials easy and at all times keep your trust in Allah Subhanah.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verse 35:

35      For men and women who submit themselves, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who practice sabr, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast, for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's Praise; for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and Great Reward.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 14 Surah Ibraheem verses 11-12:

11     ..And on Allah let all men of faith put their trust.

12      "No reason have we why we should not put our trust on Allah.  Indeed He has guided us to the Way we (follow).  We shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause us: for those who put their trust should put their trust on Allah."

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

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