Advice on second marriage
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
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For some unavoidable reason I am planning to go for second marriage INSHA ALLAH. But before I could take up this step I really need to understand all the complex situations and rules. Over a period of time I have come across few queries that I have listed below. If there is any URL/Site that explains similar complication, kindly do forward me that. If not kindly give me an high-level guidance for below queries. I know its not easy when we start looking into the matter with a closure look. But trust me I have left with no other options and I have planned after doing Istekhara namaz and also discussed with my wife. Regards.
How about gold ornaments, first wife might be having huge amount as these have been collected over a period of time. Now I might need to gift my new wife during nikah as a tradition. Now my question should I need gift altogether what my first wife is having or do I need purchase some ornaments for second wife and also purchase same amount again to my first wife. To summarize at the time of marriage should my second wife is required to have equal valuable ornaments or the rule applies from now onwards that I am purchasing.
If it is required to purchase all those can I borrow some time after marriage with consent from my second wife or get an excuse from second wife for the items that I have already gifted to my wife.
Is the same rule applies for kids?
There is one house on my name and I have three kids from first wife. I am not yet married to second wife. Will it be valid that I write this house to these kids now before I decide to go for second marriage itself as first wife is feeling little unsecure.
Should I get admission for kids of second wife to same/similar school or based on my financial status can I decide.
Visiting the house when its not their turn
If my mother is staying with my second wife and when she is not well. During these circumstances can I visit my mother even when her (second wife) turn is not there? During these stages can I talk to wife without any physical intimacy?
Similarly can I visit my first wife as kids are there even when its not her turn. Only to meet kids
Should the intercourse times and/or related actions or durations etc., be subject to account?
When we go purchase something usually it is gift from my side but selection would be by the them (wife(s)). Both of the selection might differ hence this may not be accounted. The rule applies only when I buy them the gift. This is my understanding.
If I start to do some business with help of one as she might be helpful as she might be talented, then can I go ahead?
If one has bike and other does not know how to ride, then till she learns how to ride, it may not be necessary to get one for her, similarly for Computer or any other items.
When I fell ill in one house and too tired, can I continue for 2, 3 days and then come to other one and stay here for that many number of days? But I feel this may not be right because, when I was with first one I was not active fully for those 2-3 days and now when I came to other house I am fully active. I hope you are able to understand the reason behind.
I really looking for a kind of reference where in I could look into similar matter of day to day life.
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Advice on second marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
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Islam has recognized that man is created polygamous by nature, and has thus allowed the man a legal and honorable way to practice polygamy; and has commanded the believers to honor and treat each of his wives equally and with justice.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse3: If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one.
The one and only restriction that Islam puts on a person who wants to practice polygamy is justice! Justice and equality in the time he spends with each of them, on the amount he spends on each of them, on the gifts he gives to each of them, etc.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with a side hanging down.
Allah Subhanah has permitted the believing man, that if he wishes to do so, he may have upto a maximum of four wives at any one time. If the man decides to exercise this right given to him by Allah Subhanah, there is absolutely no sin upon him.
The complete financial responsibilities in the marriage are laid upon the man in Islam. It is the responsibility of the man to provide for the food, clothing, shelter, and the well-being of his family according to his means.
There is no need to give the second wife the amount of ornaments you have given to your first wife before your second marriage. Neither do you have to give the first wife what you give as a reasonable amount as a wedding gift to the second wife.
If you provide equivalent accommodation to both your wives there is no need to change the ownership of your residence from your name.
The children of both wives need not go to the same school, but a similar standard should be maintained.
You can visit any of your wives in the mornings for sometime, be it to see your mother or kids. Your staying the nights should be equally distributed between the two.
If you purchase a gift for one, you can either purchase the same for the other or better give both a fixed budget and ask them to buy themselves or you accompany them in turns to buy. In this way there will be no complications.
If one is more talented than the other there is no harm if you go into business with one. If only one knows how to ride a motorcycle there is no need to buy the other if she cannot ride. Same thing for computers and other similar items.
If you are unwell and have to stay with one of the wives for 2/3 days and the wives agree that you can stay in one house there is no harm and no need to make up for the days by staying with the other wife after you get well. But if both want to care for you then it would be better to draw lots. All the time all decisions to be taken with mutual consent and understanding.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
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