Married woman with epilepsy problem
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salam O alikum,
I was married to an epilepsy patient in 2006.
Me and my mother was not informed by the wife`s parents that their daughter was an epilepsy patient,
After two months of marriage she got her epilepsy fit.
On questioning my wife and her mother responded negatively and their behavior was not cooperative.
I went to many Muslim scholars to seek a solution and they all advised me to cooperate with her.
God blessed me with a son and due to drugs/medication which my wife was taking had a reaction on son`s health and he was treated for a long time.
Thanks to Allah that he gave health to my son.
In all these years I had and I am still facing many problems which now seems to me unbearable.
I lost 60% of my business as I look after my son both like a mother and father.
I never slapped my wife nor I showed rudeness but still she never co operated with me and discussed her illness. Besides, the doctor has advised me not have any more children who treats my wife illness.
I cannot go away from home for long hours. The situation becomes more worse when I fell ill or in fever.
Please help me before I make some or any decision.
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Married woman with epilepsy problem
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
My Dear Beloved brother, If one has a prior medical condition of such a serious nature and one intentionally chooses not to disclose or withhold that information from you or your guardians before the marriage, it would indeed constitute a grave sin in the Sight of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme.
If the epilepsy state of the woman you married was not disclosed to you before your wedding, then a great injustice (zulm) has been done upon you. Your in laws should have made this condition known to you.
If they intentionally did not disclose the truth, or Allah forbid intentionally lied to you and your family family regarding the physical state of the girl you married..they would be guilty of practicing deceit and fraud in the Sight and Court of Allah Subhanah on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day of Judgment.
In such a situation, you are well within your rights in Shariah to seek a permanent separation by initiating a divorce proceedings, and there will absolutely be no blame or sin upon you.
But If one wishes that Allah Subhanah overlook and forgive their own innumerable faults and errors, then one should hasten to forgive the faults and errors of others which one might have done towards them. This act of beneficence and generosity amongst the believers is akin to utmost piety and righteousness in the Sight of the Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor Verse 22:
22 Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means, resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen, those in want, and those who have left their homes in Allah's Cause: let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.
My dear Beloved brother, since you are married and already have a child from this woman, the best thing you can do is to forgive them and practice patience and strive to do your duty towards your parents, child and wife to the best of your ability. Allah swt will InshaAllah reward you with ajr for your patience and perseverance.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 11 Surah Hud verses 9-11:
9 If We give man a taste of Mercy from Ourselves and then withdraw it from him, behold! He is in despair and (falls into) blasphemy.
10 But if We give him a taste of (Our) favors after adversity hath touched him, He is sure to say "All evil has departed from me!"; behold! He falls into exultation and pride.
11 Not so do those who show sabr (patience and constancy), and work righteousness; for them is forgiveness (of sins) and a great reward.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale-Imraan verse 148:
148 And Allah gave them a reward in this world and the excellent reward of the Hereafter. For Allah loves the muhsineen (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
However, if you are not able to do that, then there is no sin upon you if you divorce your wife because her condition of epilepsy was not revealed to you at the time of the marriage.
But, we stress here that patience is the better alternative.
Al-Muwatta Hadith 58.7
Malik related from Ibn Shihab from Ata ibn Yazid al-Laythi from Abu Said al-Khudri that some people of the Ansar asked some things from the Messenger of Allah (saws) and he (saws) gave to them. Then they asked him (saws) again, and he (saws) gave to them until he (saws) used up what he had. Then he (saws) said, "What wealth I have, I will not hoard from you. Whoever has forbearance, Allah will help him. Whoever tries to be independent, Allah will enrich him. Whoever tries to be saabir (patient), Allah will give him sabr (patience), and no one is given a better or vaster gift by Allah than sabr(patience and constancy)."
Second option available to you is to marry a second wife if you can afford the expenses and try to bring peace and harmony in your household.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.
Beloved brother in Islam, whatever decision you take, you must understand that you should always stay within the boundaries of Shariah and Islamic laws.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.
In conclusion, My dear beloved brother, when one is considering seeking a decision, then one should follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and perform the istakhara prayer-supplication and seek His Help and Guidance in the matter; and wherever ones heart is content one should follow that path.
This is the beautiful supplication made and taught by the Messenger of Allah (saws) when performing istakhara:
Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka
min Fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam.
Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi
Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.
Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi.
Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur
Translation of the du'a:
O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your
knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your
great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are
the Knower of hidden things.
O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me,
make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this
matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and
in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And
ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
Members of Islamhelpline