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Rights of parents and wife.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Hai brother pls tell me iam having a problem my wife and my parents are not liking each other al ways iam facing problem i tried to do justice for both but nothing is resolving so in this scenerio what to do now iam unable to tolerate this fights pls give some advise what to do.

 

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Answer:

 

Rights of parents and wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

One cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of the enjoinment of service to ones parents by Allah and His Messenger (saws) in Islam! In addition to the service of ones parents, Islam has also made it an obligatory duty of the man to fulfill his lawful rights due to his wife and children; and piety and righteousness dictates that one fears Allah their Lord, and strives to fulfill the due rights of each party in full without effecting or usurping the rights of the other.

 

But if one finds oneself in the unfortunate situation where one has to choose between ones parents and ones wife, then without an iota of a doubt, the rights due to ones parents in Islam far far exceed the rights due to ones wife.

 

Ref: Rights due to parents

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:

36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: Let him be humbled into dust! Let him be humbled into dust! It was said: O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he? He (saws) said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (through his deeds of service towards them)!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"


 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

 

Ref: Rights due to ones wife

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34 (part):

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard(their honor, their property, etc.).

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21:

And of Allahs Sign is that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best amongst you to my family.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3264 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said,"The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."

 

Your Question: ..i tried to do justice for both but nothing is resolving so in this scenerio what to do now iam unable to tolerate this fights pls give some advise what to do.

Respected brother in Islam, one of the things that gives the Shaytaan the most satisfaction is when he instigates or creates a misunderstanding between the husband and the wife in the sacred bond of marriage. Thus what we need to do is, first and foremost, be aware of this avowed enemy of ours, recognize him, and constantly seek the protection of Allah Subhanah from the Shaytaan.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 35 Surah Fatir verse 6:

6 Verily the Shaytaan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy! He only invites his adherents that they may become companions of the Blazing Fire.

 

Respected brother, the things you need to do to make sure the relationship between your two loved ones remain good and cordial are:

  1. Fear Allah, no matter where you are, and in whatever you say and do.
  2. You must realize that there might develop a natural state of jealousy between the mother and the wife over their love for you. No matter what happens, practice extreme patience and never let the Shaytaan make you say or do an act on impulse which you might regret later.
  3. Find an opportune moment at the start of the marriage, and have a frank but polite talk with your wife explaining that you are bound by the Laws of Allah Subhanah to be unconditionally obedient to your parents. If the woman is pious and God-fearing, she will understand and appreciate your honesty and respect for your parents, and will apply patience and wisdom in her relationship with her mother-in-law.
  4. Seek the constant protection of Allah Subhanah from the evil designs of the Shaytaan, who always tries to sow discord between the loved ones; especially between the husband and the wife.

 

Respected brother, one thing you must never ever do in a dispute between ones mother and ones wife is take sides; for that will do nothing but give the Shaytaan the opportunity to enflame the discord even more. Be extremely patient, and with wisdom and hikmah listen attentively to both parties; and seek the forgiveness of Allah Subhanah for both of them. But if a situation arises where you are left with absolutely no choice, then you must choose to side with your mother and explain to your wife that you are bound by the Laws of Allah Subhanah to be unconditionally obedient to your parents.

 

If one can understand and accept two Divine social laws when starting his family, he will never have a problem in his family relations, Insha Allah. The problem is that Shaytaan has made these two laws in todays ungodly and ignorant world so politically incorrect and socially unacceptable, that man has brought upon himself this misery of family disputes in his life through the disobedience of these two Divine Laws:

 

Law #1: It is a prescribed duty and a commandment that the believing man (and woman) has to be unconditionally obedient to his parents in absolutely all matters, except if his parents command him to disobey Allah and His Messenger (saws).

 

Proof from the Quran and Sunnah:

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the Biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Great Sins. He (saws) said, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

(4) And to give a false witness."

 

Law #2: It is the prescribed duty and a commandment to the believing woman to be obedient to her husband, except if he commands her to disobey Allah and His Messenger (saws).

 

Proof from the Quran and Sunnah:

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34 (part):

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.

 

May Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you, and give you and us all the guidance, the wisdom, and the courage to live by His Laws and within His Defined Boundaries. If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of being led astray.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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