Mother in law issues.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am a 24 years old Muslim girl, i got married 6 months ago and now am pragnent. The problem is that my in-laws were not willing for the marriage ( father-in-law is not alive), my mother-in-law and my husband's brother. Anyways, somehow after alot of discussions and infact so many quarells v gt married. My mother-in-law never used to like me, after the marriage (after 1 month) she started misbehaving with me, and even with her son also. almost every week without any genuine reason she stops talking to us, shuts the door very harshly, taunts me infront of guests and above all she doesnot admit it . As she is a widow so she wants every1z symphtay. She has cursed me for several times, m in a deep mental stress, really donot knw how to live in such a bad environmnet.
I have only 1 brother-in-law, he also takes his momz side. He has also stopped talking to me and my husband. Through out the day i sit alone, nothing to do, and then my mother-in-law puts the blame on me that i dont talk to her, and make faces and make fun of her. She wants my husband to fight with me, if he doesnt do so she stops talking to him as well and says to every1 in the familay that my son has changed.
You tell me plz what shud i do, i ask my husband to plz gt separated from her, he said no what would my family think of me that after 6 months of marriage i m leaving my mother, litearally i m at a loss of words, plz tell me how to survive.
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Mother in law issues
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their modesty and chastity, the honor and property of their husband, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws) said: If a woman dies
while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
In light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, the wife has absolutely no duty or responsibility laid upon her by Islam towards her husbands family or in-laws, including the husbands parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, etc. The responsibility and duty that Islam has laid upon the believing wife is only towards making sure that her husband is pleased and satisfied with her in every aspect of her life!
Thus, in essence, if a believing woman worships Allah
Subhanah as He Alone deserves to be worshipped, preserves her chastity, and
strives to the best of her ability to please her husband, the Messenger of
Allah (saws) declared that she will be given the honor to enter the
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Having said that the wife has absolutely no responsibility towards her husbands family, does not in any way mean or imply that she is allowed to be rude, or disrespectful, or dishonor them in any way. She must at all times strive to develop cordial relations with her in-laws.
But if the believing woman does, of her own free will, serves the parents or family of her husband, she would be doing a deed of ehsaan, a deed which would be over and above her prescribed duties and responsibilities; and Allah Subhanah has time and again declared in the Glorious Quran that He absolutely loves those believers who do ehsaan or deeds which are over and above their role of duty and responsibility.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale-Imraan verse 134 (part):
134 . for Allah loves the muhsineen (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale-Imraan verse 148:
148 And Allah gave them a reward in this world and the excellent reward of the Hereafter. For Allah loves the muhsineen (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
The wife in Islam is absolutely under no obligation to take care or serve her husbands parents or family; the duty and ultimate responsibility that the parents are served and well cared for is entirely upon the direct off-spring of the parents.
But if the wife, of her own will and choice, wishes to go over and above her prescribed duties and in her benevolence serves the parents and/or family members of her husband, she would be doing the extremely meritorious deed of ehsaan; and Allah Subhanah absolutely loves those who do ehsaan or deeds over and above their prescribed duties.
If a husband is blessed with a wife who does ehsaan and serves his parents, he should be extremely grateful and thankful to her for her superb gesture of benevolence and kindness.
If for any reason the wife does not wish to live in a joint-family of her in-laws, she is well within her lawful rights in Islam to demand that her husband provide a separate accommodation for her away from her in-laws; and if the husband has the means, he should fear Allah and fulfill this lawful demand of his wife. The right the wife does not have is to demand or expect that her husband leaves his parents and move in to live with her in the separate accommodation..that is the decision the husband has to make on his own.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
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