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Parents refusal to marry.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalaamu alaikum

 

I just want to know if a girl wants to marry some one who is very very religious mashAllah and is also a very nice person.

 

But your parents simply dont like their family as they think that guy's family is extreme religious. So simply they dont want me for that guy.

 

Do u think in such case, we should respect our parents decision? Or keep praying to Allah that the parents may understnd. My own parents dont pray even 5 times Salah..n i feel very very bad about it. But i want to get married to a guy who comes from a deeni family..What should i do?

 

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Answer:

 

Parents refusal to marry

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

 

Parents who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day should be overjoyed and privileged that their daughter seeks to marry a God-fearing and pious man from a pious family!

 

If the one and only reason ones parents refuse a proposal for their daughter is because the boy is God-fearing and pious or from a pious family, then it would not be incumbent upon their daughter to respect this unlawful decision and command of her parentsfor none other than Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to give the utmost importance and preference to piety (above all else) when seeking marriage.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

 

Your Question: .Do u think in such case,we should respect our parents decision? .What should i do?

Respected sister in Islam, just because as in this particular case, it would be lawful and permissible for a believing off-spring to disobey the unlawful decision of their parents.it does not and should not be taken as a license to disrespect, or be harsh, or rude to ones parents!


 

Disobeying an unlawful decision or command of ones parents is one thing; to disobey or be undutiful towards ones parents is altogether another!

 

 

One cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful to ones parents in Islam Second only to the heinous and the ultimate abomination of shirk in the Sight of Allah is for an off-spring to be undutiful to ones parents!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:

36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most? He (saws) replied: Your mother. I asked (again): Who next?. He (saws) replied: Your mother!. I asked: Who next? He (saws) replied: Your mother! I asked again: Who next? and he (saws) replied: Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Kabair (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--

To join others in worship with Allah,

To be undutiful to one's parents,

To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

And to give a false witness."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

 

Thus my respected sister, even if you have to disobey this unlawful decision of your parents, you make absolutely sure that at all times, you fear Allah and with absolute patience, and humility, and tenderness, and politeness..strive your absolute utmost to try and convince your parents to accede to your choice and request.

 

If after your very best efforts, your parents still do not accede to your request, you should seek the help of one amongst their elders (their parents, their elder brothers or sisters, their friends or loved ones whose opinion they respect, etc.)..and beseech them to intercede on your behalf.

 

But my respected sister, whatever you do in your efforts to change the unlawful decision of your parents, you make absolutely sure that at all times, you fear Allah your Lord, and under any circumstances you do not offer even a word of contempt or abuse or harshness or threats towards your parents.for that then would be a manifest transgression of the prescribed Boundaries of the Lord Most Majestic.

 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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