I am of age 21 Indian Hanafi, she is of age 20 pakistani.She was engaged 2years back with another guy with her own will, but after a year she came to know that this guy is not good, he drinks liqur n other bad habits like having a sex.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I want to marry a girl whom I love but my parents are not allowing, they say that we dont get married out of relatives, but i know that there is no rule in Islam that says that marraige should be only in relatives and also that they have found a good girl for me and also have talked to the opposite party. they say if i marry any outsider it will be a insult among the family members. I have asked them in good manner 4 times, but they just say me to leave her.They just dont want to understand that how seriusly I love her. I seriously love one girl and the girl also loves me, we treat each other as husband and wife, we did everything,like hugging kissing etc, eccept sexual intercourse and i surly wont do before Nikah. If the matter was so simple i could have left her because i love my parents also. The matter is complicated because the first and improtant reason that she have given her love, life , emaan , soul, everything in my hands for my love, she cant live without me nor she will if i leave her. I also love her so much, but i am not willing to disobey my parents.
I am of age 21 Indian Hanafi, she is of age 20 pakistani.She was engaged 2years back with another guy with her own will, but after a year she came to know that this guy is not good, he drinks liqur n other bad habits like having a sex. She planed to leave him, but before she left him she fell in love with me, she told me each and every part of her life to me.before the engagement was broken her family came to know that she talks to me, she was beaten badly by her brothers, they stopped her collage, they even told bad about her like she had sex with me, at those time i had just hold her hand and till that time i didnt say that i love her.There were so many problems after that, but they didnt come to me.Now the situation for the girl is that her family may allow her to marry me if my family go there and ask for our marriage or they will force her to marry to that same bad guy which she wont do.She will run away from home if they force her.She have decided not to marry anyone else because she have considerded me as a reall husband, and she is ready to do anything and everyting to get married to me.
She told me that we will do nikah without our parents permision then later we will try convince them, i know this also is possible in islam but my heart is not willing to disobey parents.I cant leave her under any circumstance because she may suicied also, and cant disobey parents. I dont know what to do, i am really confused dont know where my life is going.We both are relegoius, we pray 5 times, she have decided to fast everyday untill we get married.we even did istakhara for eachother long time back and it was possitive that we should do nikah, so we should not go against Allahs will Also. I told my parents everything about it, i dont know how to make them agree. It is just tearing me from inside Sometimes i feel just to kill my self. I am just being so open just to make u feel that we seriously love eachother and it is not just new age love.
Please help me somehow. Thank you.
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Parents refusal to marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verse 54:
54 It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships through blood and (through) marriage: for thy Lord has Power (over all things).
Islam guides that a marriage is not merely a union of two people who love each other, but rather a sacred union that unites two whole families.thus if one is faced with a situation whereby their son is so in love with an eligible girl (believer, chaste, etc.) and the parents of the boy are satisfied with the character and the practice of religion of the girl..they should accede with the choice and request of their son.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."
Although the consent of the boys parents is not an obligatory condition of a marriage in Islam, it would only be piety and righteousness on the part of the son to make sure that he has the approval and consent of his parents before he marries the girl. If for any reason one finds that their parents are just not willing to consent to their choice, it would be better to marry another girl whom the boy and the parents both approve of.for marriage in Islam is but a Sunnah (voluntary), but to obey ones parents is Fard-ayn or absolutely obligatory upon every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)
what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Grave Sins, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)
(4) And to give a false witness."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:
216 But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows and ye know not.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,