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No matter what i say about moving she is not willing to accept it, even if i get a good job, able to provide for the family and buy a house there she still does not accept it.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

As Salaam Aleikum. I have a concern regarding parents, family and married life. I am a UK citizen, born and raised. Over the past few years before starting university I had discussed with my mother and made it very clear that after the completion of my degree i do not indend to stay in the UK. I have made this very clear and have stated many times that living in a western civilisation is killing me, i do not agree with the ppl and their behaviour i am tired of this culture.

I want to live and work in an area, a country where i know i will be able to better myself and follow the true path of islam as best as i could.

Insha Allah i will be getting married in July 2008 and my degree is completed in June 2008. We have had mungni this year in June 2007, she is my aunty's (mothers sister) daughter and I and her are very pleased with this relationship.

I have been talking to my mother for a few months now trying to convince her to move to pakistan with me as i wish to live and work in pakistan lahore. My mother completely disagrees with this decision and she is not willing to move or to let me move.

My mother is the best i just do not have a mother son relationship with her but also a friendship since i tell her everything.

No matter what i say about moving she is not willing to accept it, even if i get a good job, able to provide for the family and buy a house there she still does not accept it.

Here in the UK we have no home of our own since my parents do not work, we live in a council house and as the family is growing it is my mothers and my choice that we live as a joint family in one house. I dont see that as a possibility here since houses are very expensive.

I am really in a bind i do not know what to do. It is not a just a matter of my happiness but i also fear that one day when i will have children they will do the same things that i did, i very difficulty changed myself around and i want them to grow to be pious muslims, i feel that this can only be achived in Pakistan Lahore.

Can you tell me if it will be sinful for me to leave my parents and move to pakistan lahore to live and work. I will not cut of ties i will hold my mother close to my heart and hope she will change her mind one day? can you advice me if it will be a sin for me to go against my mothers wishes and move there but still keeping contact with my mother and if possible providing her with money once i reach a good standard? please advice me since i do not really know what to do now. Thank you.

 

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Answer:

 

Move against parents will

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful to ones parents in Islam Second only to the heinous and the ultimate abomination of shirk in the Sight of Allah is for an off-spring to be undutiful to ones parents!

 


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:

36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most? He (saws) replied: Your mother. I asked (again): Who next?. He (saws) replied: Your mother!. I asked: Who next? He (saws) replied: Your mother! I asked again: Who next? and he (saws) replied: Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Kabair (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--

To join others in worship with Allah,

To be undutiful to one's parents,

To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

And to give a false witness."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

 

Your Question: Can you tell me if it will be sinful for me to leave my parents and move to pakistan lahore to live and work. I will not cut of ties i will hold my mother close to my heart and hope she will change her mind one day? can you advice me if it will be a sin for me to go against my mothers wishes and move there but still keeping contact with my mother and if possible providing her with money once i reach a good standard? please advice me since i do not really know what to do now.

If ones parents are not too old and are healthy enough to take care of themselves, or if they have other off-springs who can take care of them and serve them.it is not necessary that every single off-spring has to live with their parents.

 

If one amongst the off-spring wishes to migrate form one land to another, only so that they may better practice their deen, there is absolutely no harm and unless and until they have an absolutely genuine reason to stop them, the parents should give them their consent and permission to make the migration.

 

Respected brother, in your particular situation, you should strive to the best of your ability.and with absolute patience, humility, tenderness, and kindness.and try to convince your parents regarding the merits of your move to the land of your choice. If for any reason your parents do not wish to migrate with you at this time, and unless and until they have a genuine reason to stop you from migrating, they should give their consent and allow you to migrate.

 

It would obviously be best, and piety and righteousness in the Sight of Allah Subhanah that you move only after you have been able to get the consent of your parents. But if after your very best efforts, your parents do not give their consent, nor provide you a genuine and valid reason to stop you from migrating, the majority of the scholars and the jurists in Islam are of the opinion that if you did chose to migrate to another land only so that you could save yourself from fitnah and better practice your deen.then there would be no sin or blame upon you. And Allah Alone Knows Best.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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