I i must admit that I am a very sexually demanding person and my wife is not.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I have a pesonal Question.
I i must admit that I am a very sexually demanding person and my wife is not. For such reason always have to masterbate a lot, otherwise my desries divert to other females...which i would never do....but its equaly bad i guess...
so could you tell me what should a person like me do in sucha situation?
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Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 23 Surah Muminoon verses 1-11:
1 The Believers must (eventually) win through
2 Those who humble themselves in their prayers;
3 Who avoid vain talk;
4 Who are active in deeds of charity;
5 Who scrupulously guard their modesty (private parts),
6 Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or (the captives) whom their right hands possess; for (in their case) they are free from blame.
7 But those whose desires exceed those limits, are transgressors!
8 Those who faithfully observe their trust and their covenants;
9 And who (strictly) guard their prayers
10 Those will be the heirs
11 Who will inherit
The scholars of all schools of thought are unanimous in their opinion that the evil act of masturbation would, without an iota of a doubt, fall under the category of those whose desires exceed the limits.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4886 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
That he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: The eye commits zina, and the palm of the hand, the foot, the body, the tongue and private part of the body confirm it or deny it.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira narrated from the Prophet (saws) who said "Allah has written for the children of Adan their share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it."
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 36 Surah Ya-Seen verse 65:
65 That Day shall We set a seal on their mouths. But their hands will speak to Us and their feet bear witness to all that they did.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem verses 19-23:
19 On the Day that the enemies of Allah will be gathered together to the Fire they will be marched in ranks.
20 At length when they reach the (Fire) their hearing, their sight, and their skins will bear witness against them as to (all) their deeds.
21 They will say to their skins: "Why bear ye witness against us?" They (their skins) will say: "Allah hath given us speech, (He) Who giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time and unto Him were ye to return.
22 "Ye did not seek to hide yourselves lest your hearing, your sight, and your skins should bear witness against you! But ye did think that Allah knew not many of the things that ye used to do!
23 "But this thought of yours which ye did entertain concerning your Lord hath brought you to destruction, and (now) have ye become of those utterly lost!"
Although in legal terminology zina would constitute the actual penetration of the male organ into the female organ, the Messenger of Allah (saws) warned the believers regarding the minor zina of the eyes, hands, legs, etc. Not only is the evil act of zina prescribed as absolutely forbidden in Islam, every path or every way that leads one to this evil path is also declared as forbidden! Such is the gravity of this abomination of zina, that Allah Subhanah commands the believers in the Quran: Do not even go near zina (Quran 17:32)!!!
The scholars and jurists in Islam are absolutely unanimous in their opinion that the act of masturbation would be unlawful at all times.
Your Question: I i must admit that I am a very sexually demanding person and my wife is not.
Respected brother in Islam, not every individual (man or woman) has been bestowed with the same level of sexual desire; thus it is very possible that one amongst the partners in marriage has more appetite for sex than the other, and that would be absolutely normal and natural.
Respected brother, the only route Islam has made lawful for one to fulfill their natural physical desire is through the sacred institution of marriage.
Abu Dhar al-Ghafari reported: The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your wife." The companions asked: O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a reward if one satisfies his passion?" He (saws) said: "Do you know that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is rewarded."
Related by Ahmad and Muslim.
If one has committed themselves to the sacred institution of marriage, then indeed it would be their duty to fully cooperate and satisfy this natural and physical demand and appetite of their spouse. If one, without an absolutely genuine reason, chooses not to fulfill this their duty in marriage, it would indeed be regarded and considered a sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire (ie. sexual intercourse) she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till morning."
Your Question: ..so could you tell me what should a person like me do in sucha situation?
Respected brother, under the given circumstances the lawful options available to you in Islam are:
- Talk to your wife honestly regarding your concerns and guide her to fear Allah and fulfill her obligations unto you in the marriage.
- Observe voluntary fasts, as the Messenger of Allah (saws) said that fasting diminishes ones sexual power.
- If even that does not help, you are obviously well within your rights in Islam to seek to marry for a second or a third or even a fourth time.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah
We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.481 Narrated by Sahl bin Sad
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Whoever
can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is
between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,