Now I have resorted to masturbation. I understand it is a grave sin. He would not divorce me.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Brother I please you to answer this question.
I have read almost every answer posted on this site regarding masturbation. Somehow it seems not to address my situation.
I have been married for 8 yrs. My husband feels that he was pressured into marrying me and therefore refuses conjugal rights. At times I have had intense urges. Now I have resorted to masturbation. I understand it is a grave sin. He would not divorce me, and I cannot because i dont have the strength or resources to undergo such stress. -Is there no way out for me? ( other than divorce ) -Would masturbating in these circumstances be as grave a sin as described -What can i do to avoid these urges and avoid urges. You have mentioned fasting , I will start that. Are there more ways for when i cannot Fast.
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228 (part):
. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them (in marriage) according to what is equitable.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till morning."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven!"
Although it is highly unlikely and unnatural for a husband to refuse sexual intercourse when invited by his wife, if the husband refuses the invitation of his wife without an extremely strong and valid reason and causes his wife to sleep in anger, it would be safe to assume that the sin and ruling would be similar.
Your Question: -Is there no way out for me? ( other than divorce )
Respected sister in Islam, if your husband refuses to fulfill his rights towards you in the marriage, he will indeed be held to severe account in the Court of Allah Subhanah for his oppression and injustice.
If one finds that ones husband is not giving her the due honor and respect that is deserving of a believing wife, or the husband refuses to fulfill her natural physical desire.the wife has basically two options:
- Initiate a divorce proceedings against the husband in a Shariah Court of Law.
- Bear the oppression and injustice of her husband with patience and expect her reward and her retribution from Allah Subhanah on the Day of Judgment; thus saving her marriage.
Your Question: -Would masturbating in these
circumstances be as grave a sin as described
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 23 Surah Muminoon verses 1-11:
1 The Believers must (eventually) win through
2 Those who humble themselves in their prayers;
3 Who avoid vain talk;
4 Who are active in deeds of charity;
5 Who scrupulously guard their modesty (private parts),
6 Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or (the captives) whom their right hands possess; for (in their case) they are free from blame.
7 But those whose desires exceed those limits, are transgressors!
8 Those who faithfully observe their trust and their covenants;
9 And who (strictly) guard their prayers
10 Those will be the heirs
11 Who will inherit
The scholars of all schools of thought are unanimous in their opinion that the evil act of masturbation would, without an iota of a doubt, fall under the category of those whose desires exceed the limits.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter24 Surah Noor verse 31:
31 And say (O Prophet (saws)) to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and scrupulously guard their chastity.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:
Do not even go near zina (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4886 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
That he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: The eye commits zina, and the palm of the hand, the foot, the body, the tongue and private part of the body confirm it or deny it.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira narrated from the Prophet (saws) who said "Allah has written for the children of Adam their share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it."
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 36 Surah Ya-Seen verse 65:
65 That Day shall We set a seal on their mouths. But their hands will speak to Us and their feet bear witness to all that they did.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem verses 19-23:
19 On the Day that the enemies of Allah will be gathered together to the Fire they will be marched in ranks.
20 At length when they reach the (Fire) their hearing, their sight, and their skins will bear witness against them as to (all) their deeds.
21 They will say to their skins: "Why bear ye witness against us?" They (their skins) will say: "Allah hath given us speech, (He) Who giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time and unto Him were ye to return.
22 "Ye did not seek to hide yourselves lest your hearing, your sight, and your skins should bear witness against you! But ye did think that Allah knew not many of the things that ye used to do!
23 "But this thought of yours which ye did entertain concerning your Lord hath brought you to destruction, and (now) have ye become of those utterly lost!"
Although in legal terminology zina would constitute the actual penetration of the male organ into the female organ, the Messenger of Allah (saws) warned the believers regarding the minor zina of the eyes, hands, legs, etc. Not only is the evil act of zina prescribed as absolutely forbidden in Islam, every path or every way that leads one to this evil path is also declared as forbidden! Such is the gravity of this abomination of zina, that Allah Subhanah commands the believers in the Quran: Do not even go near zina!!!
Thus if one intentionally sees and watches fahisha (indecency), it would constitute zina of the eyes; if one derives pleasure from talks of fahisha, it would constitute zina of the ears and mouth, if one touches or goes towards something or someone with the intention of fahisha, it would constitute zina of the hands and the legs! Although there is no prescribed punishment for the zina of the eyes, mouth, ears, hands and feet in the life of this world, if one dies without seeking taubah and repentance from their Lord, they will be held severely accountable for these acts of minor zina in the Presence of their Majestic Lord in the Hereafter. The abomination of masturbation is a sin and an evil act, and the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day must strive to absolutely abstain from this and all evil.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verse 33:
33 Say (O Prophet (saws)): The things that my Lord hath indeed (absolutely) forbidden (declared haraam) are: shameful deeds whether open or secret; sins and trespasses against truth or reason; assigning of partners to Allah for which he hath given no authority; and saying things about Allah of which ye have no knowledge.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.481 Narrated by Sahl bin Sad
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Whoever can guarantee
(the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two
legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee
Your Question: -What can i do to avoid these urges and avoid urges. You have mentioned fasting , I will start that. Are there more ways for when i cannot Fast.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah
We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
The one and only thing which has the power to stop one from falling into perpetual sin is what is known as taqwa in the Glorious Quran! It is only and only this taqwa or the constant remembrance or fear of the Lord which has the capacity and tenacity to enable one to abstain from transgressing the prescribed boundaries of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme.
This state of consciousness of standing in the Presence of the Majestic and Supreme Lord on One Inevitable Day is what Allah calls taqwa or piety in His Quran; and it is this taqwa which will inspire you all your life towards doing deeds that would earn you the Eternal Pleasure and Good Will of your Lord, and it is this same taqwa which will inspire you to abstain from doing anything which would bring about His Unbearable Wrath and Anger.
Taqwa means to abstain from doing anything that would bring about the Wrath and Displeasure of the Lord All-Mighty; and to do deeds of righteousness which are commanded by Allah and His Messenger (saws). Taqwa is to live every moment of ones life with the solemn belief that on One Inevitable Day every soul will be brought forth in the Presence of the Majestic Lord to give a full accounting of every one of his deeds. Taqwa is to determine before doing anything whether the Lord Most Merciful will be Pleased or Dis-pleased with the deed; if one determines that the Lord will be pleased with the deed, he must do it wholeheartedly; and if one determines that the deed would bring about the displeasure and Wrath of Allah Subhanah, he must immediately abstain from it. Taqwa is to live every moment of ones life consciously striving to do deeds which would earn him the Pleasure and Good Will of the Lord Most Merciful, and abstain from doing deeds which would bring about His displeasure and Wrath.
If one studies the Glorious Quran, one would realize that
more often than not, wherever Allah Subhanah Promises His slaves the
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 133:
133 Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth; prepared for the Muttaqeen.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 50 Surah Qaaf verses 31-33:
31 And the Garden will be brought nigh to the Muttaqeen, no more a thing distant.
32 (A voice will say:) "This is what was promised for you, for everyone who turned (to Allah) in sincere repentance who kept (his law).
33 "Who feared (Allah) Most Gracious unseen and brought a heart turned in devotion (to Him):
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 52 Surah Tur verses 17-18:
17 As to the Muttaqeen they will be in Gardens and in Happiness
18 Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord hath bestowed on them and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the Fire.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah Qalam verse 34:
34 Verily for the Muttaqeen are Gardens of Delight in the Presence of their Lord.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 31:
31 Gardens of Eternity which they will enter: beneath them flow (pleasant) rivers: they will have therein all that they wish: thus doth Allah reward the Muttaqeen
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verses 15-16:
15 Say: "Is that (fire) better or the eternal Gardens promised to the Muttaqeen? For them that is a reward as well as a goal (of attainment).
16 "For them there will be therein all that they wish for: they will dwell (there) for aye: a promise to be prayed for from thy Lord."
Thus, in conclusion, my dear and beloved sister in Islam the absolute best way to bring about this reformation in our hearts is to get close to the Remembrance of our Lord Who Created us; and the best way to Remember our Lord is to read, understand, obey, follow and completely submit ourselves to His Glorious Message which He Himself revealed for our guidance, The One and Only Glorious and Noble Quran!
Allah is our witness sister, one who sincerely submits himself to the Glorious Message of their Lord will find that his whole life will become a life spent in the worship and remembrance of His Lord; his prayers, his fasts, his zakat, his Hajj, his work, his relationship with fellow man, in fact, his every single deed will be aligned to earn the Pleasure and Good Will of His Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful ..and it is this same submission which will inspire one to stay away from every single deed which would bring about or ignite the Wrath and Anger and Punishments of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,