1) Would it be right for me to marry a woman that is not a virgin?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I recently broke up with my fiance,few months ago. We had dated for 2 years until we finally got engaged, where we broke up a year after that, so 3 years in total being together. She was very jealous towards me, beyond her control, but for a reason which I believe in.
Let me start with this. She is not a virgin, whereas I am. It`s been very hard on me psychologically to deal with it, although ever since we got to know each other, she has been more than loyal to me and gave me all her love and support. Before she met me, she was out of control among her university friends, and she had a bad reputation. She had slept with a few guys and her virginity had been lost since she was 14. She was 21 when we met.
I basically guided her, and worked very hard on making sure she does not repeat her past mistakes, which she hasn`t. I had made her pray, and she had prayed for God`s forgivness over and over which inshAllah he would forgive her.
Now, the reason for her jealousy was because she thought that I saw her as trash, and she thought that as soon as i would find a proper lady (a virgin in that case) that I would easily throw her out of my life. Therefore, she was always afraid when I would go on a normal outting with a girl friend of mine or when I`m alone in a different country. This caused alot of stress and problems and ended up with me ending our relationship. The thing is that, I really did look at her in such a way but not in the sense that she thought. I did love her and wanted to marry her, but it was hard on me.
I loved her alot. I knew she was not a virgin when we first met, but i cared for her in the sense that I wanted to straighten her up, and in return she gave me so much love and support, that I eventually started loving her deeply. I know she really did love me alot.
Since the day the relationship ended, she had tried to call many many times, and i never answered. I was really cold at the time and didnt want to talk with her, on the other hand she was heart broken and needed to just talk to me since we were a part of each others lives for so long and i had just completely shut her out all of a sudden. Eventually she stopped calling and moved on with her life I guess. In the mean time, a few months later which is now, all of a sudden I began to think about her again and again and all day and night. I missed her and still love her, and couldn`t believe that I shut her out completely and left her to deal with it. Currently I`ve been depressed for the past week because of this. I finally decided to speak to her, and after all what I did, she was there for me and told me everything she wanted to tell me about how she felt when we first broke up and how she dealt with me ignoring her all this time.
I believe that God has done this to me because of the way i ignored her, and therefore wanted to show me that I should never treat someone like this. Moreover, as I did not mention before, me and her never had sex with each other, BUT we used to go to each other`s room (when I travel to c her) and do things that are of course forbidden by Allah, which I truly regret now looking back. Bottom line, I believe that our relationship was hard and eventually failed because we did not respect firstly God, secondly our parents, and thirdly ourselves.
Now, because I am still inlove with her, I would like to get back and start a new and straight life in the eyes of Allah.
I would like to ask the following:
1) Would it be right for me to marry a woman that is not a virgin? Taking into consideration that she has been straight with me (as in not being disloyal) and has been asking Allah for forgiveness?
2) Your feedback would be highly appreciated on this issue in general.
Thank you sincerely.
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Can one marry a zani
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:
5 .. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verse 33:
33 Say: The things that my Lord hath indeed forbidden are: fahisha (shameful or indecent deeds) whether open or secret; sins and trespasses against truth or reason; assigning of partners to Allah for which he hath given no authority; and saying things about Allah of which ye have no knowledge.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 151:
151 Say: "Come I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents: kill not your children on a plea of want; We provide sustenance for you and for them; come not (even) nigh to fahisha (shameful or indecent deeds) whether open or secret; take not life which Allah hath made sacred except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you that ye may learn wisdom.
First and foremost brother, the forming and maintaining of casual relationships with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex is absolutely and categorically forbidden in Islam.your maintaining a relationship with the non-mehram sister, absolutely regardless of whether you had sexual intercourse with her or not, is indeed a manifest transgression of the boundaries and a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
If the two of you were to die in a state whereby you did not turn back to your Lord Creator in sincere taubah and seek forgiveness for your transgressions, you should prepare for an extremely severe accounting in the Presence of your Lord Most Majestic on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day of Judgment.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."
Your Question-1: Would it be right for me to marry a woman that is not a virgin? Taking into consideration that she has been straight with me (as in not being disloyal) and has been asking Allah for forgiveness?
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."
Islam guides and commands the believers to seek to marry chaste, pious, and God-fearing women, and forbids both the believing men and the believing women from marrying spouses who are guilty of the abomination of zina.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 3:
3 Let no man guilty of zina (adultery or fornication) marry any but a woman similarly guilty or a disbeliever; nor let any but such a man or a disbeliever marry such a woman: to the believers such a thing is forbidden.
But if one who has committed the abomination of zina in their past turns back unto their Lord and seeks sincere forgiveness for their crime, it is expected that their Lord will turn towards them in Mercy, forgive them their transgression, and absolutely absolve them from their sin.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Provided the one who committed the abomination of zina seeks sincere repentance, their marriage with an eligible believer would be legal, lawful and valid in the Sight of Shariah Law.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,