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So I tried marriage. I asked my father to propose to my cousin: 1)She is an orphan, so I want to get the reward of being with the Prophet of the day of judgement. 2) she is poor, maybe I can help her out. 3) She is religious, adn I think she will be able to keep me on the straight path.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Salaam Alikoum

There is this problem:

I masturbate and look at haraam things alot, but I am a really good person, I do alot of good deeds and study Islam and the Qur`an. I dont know why I do this. I tried fasting adn all this stuff but it didnt work.

So I tried marriage. I asked my father to propose to my cousin:
1)She is an orphan, so I want to get the reward of being with the Prophet of the day of judgement.
2) she is poor, maybe I can help her out.
3) She is religious, adn I think she will be able to keep me on the straight path.

However, I havent seen her in a while,a dn I only remember her from the picture, she doesnt look all that attractive. And We didnt actually do anything, no engagement or marriage, we just announced to her and her family that I want to marry her, and she accepted. So should i go ahead even if she might not be very attracitve to me and if since she is from teh same family, it might cause some form of diseases?
This is urgent, because once I asked for her, I have been able to keep my mind off of this haraam for a while, but now its back. 

 

 

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Answer:

 

Marriage and istakhara

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Statements: ..I masturbate and look at haraam things alot, but I am a really good person, I do alot of good deeds and study Islam and the Qur`an. I dont know why I do this. I tried fasting adn all this stuff but it didnt work.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 23 Surah Muminoon verses 1-11:

1 The Believers must (eventually) win through

2 Those who humble themselves in their prayers;

3 Who avoid vain talk;

4 Who are active in deeds of charity;

5 Who scrupulously guard their modesty (private parts),

6 Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or (the captives) whom their right hands possess; for (in their case) they are free from blame.

7 But those whose desires exceed those limits, are transgressors!

8 Those who faithfully observe their trust and their covenants;

9 And who (strictly) guard their prayers

10 Those will be the heirs

11 Who will inherit Paradise: they will dwell therein (forever).

 

The scholars of all schools of thought are unanimous in their opinion that the evil act of masturbation would, without an iota of a doubt, fall under the category of those whose desires exceed the limits; and thus this act is absolutely forbidden to all those who sincerely believe in Allah and the Last Day.


 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah

We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

 

Thus if one is unable to control his sexual desire, he should get married, rather than get involved in committing sins like masturbation and zina (fornication or adultery). And if one is unable to marry, he should fast, as the Messenger of Allah (saws) says, that fasting reduces the persons sexual desire, and thus help the believer to stay away from committing sin.

 

Fahesha or indecency is one of the strongest weapons of the accursed enemy of man, the Shaitaan; who has sworn to mislead and misguide mankind from the Straight Path of Allah Subhanah.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 268:

The Shaitaan threatens you with poverty and prompts you to adopt indecency (or acts of shamelessness). Allah promises you His Forgiveness and Bounties, and Allah cares for all, and He knows all things.

 

The only thing that can stop one from acts of indecency, or intentionally disobeying any command of Allah and His Messenger (saws); is the constant fear and consciousness that on One Inevitable Day, everyone will be brought forth in the Presence of the All-Mighty Lord to give a full accounting of ones deeds.

 

The first thing one needs to do, when he realizes that he has disobeyed any command of Allah and His Messenger (saws), is to immediately turn to the Merciful Lord and seek His Forgiveness and Pardon, and make a solemn covenant that he will not repeat the mistake again. When Shaitaan again tries to prompt the person to disobey the Merciful, the believers must immediately realize the play of Shaitaan, seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaitaan, remember the covenant he has made with His Lord, and abstain from doing any deed that will bring about the Wrath and Anger of Allah Subhanah.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verses 200-201:

200 If a suggestion from Shaitaan assail thy (mind), seek refuge with Allah; for He Heareth and Knoweth (all things).

201 Those who fear Allah, when a thought of evil from Shaitaan assaults them, bring Allah to remembrance; when lo! they see (aright)!

 

As soon as one feels the desire, or the avowed enemy of man, the Shaitaan suggests the person to transgress any of the boundaries of Allah Subhanah; the believers should immediately seek the refuge and protection of the All-Mighty Lord from the accursed Shaitaan by saying: Aoodobillahe minas Shaitaan ar rajeem. If the person is sincere in seeking refuge and protection, Allah Subhanah will protect him from the assaults of Shaitaan.

 

Some other things the believers may do as such a stage is do the wudu, offer prayers, or recite the 113th and 114th Surahs of the Quran (Surah Falaq and Surah Naas) and seek protection from the accursed Shaitaan.

 

The long-term remedy for keeping the Shaitaan at bay, is to constantly remember Allah Subhanah, seek and stay in the company of the righteous, recite the Quran, read good Islamic Books, listen to good Islamic cassettes and lectures, and strive to stay away from being in solitude.

 

If one is constantly in the face of non-mehram women, or if one regularly watches commercial television and movies, or regularly reads commercial magazines, etc. where ill-clad women are constantly portrayed; there is a greater chance the person will be swayed by the suggestions of Shaitaan towards fahisah and indecency. If one strives to abstain from these devices of Shaitaan, and makes efforts to remain close to the Remembrance and Guidance of Allah Subhanah, he will be successful in muting the ploys of the Shaitaan.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verse 27:

O ye children of Adam! Let not Shaitaan seduce you in the same manner as he got your parents (Adam and Hawwa) out of the Garden, stripping them of their raiment to expose their shame: for he and his tribe watch you from a position where ye cannot see them: We made the Shayateen friends (only) to those without faith.

 

Your Question: .However, I havent seen her in a while,a dn I only remember her from the picture, she doesnt look all that attractive. ..So should i go ahead even if she might not be very attracitve to me

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3107 Narrated by Al-Mughirah ibn Shu'bah

I asked a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (saws) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not, he (saws) said, "Then look at her, for it is better that there should be love between you."

 

Beloved Brother, if you contemplating whether you should marry a particular woman or not, in our humble opinion the best course of action for you which will help you make a decision is to seek the help of Allah Subhanah and beseech Him to guide you to what is best for your life in this world and the Hereafter. It is the established Sunnah and tradition of the Messenger of Allah (saws) that whenever he had to make a choice between two (or more) legal alternatives, he would perform a two-rakah prayer of Istakhara and make earnest supplications to his All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord to guide him to what was best.

 

Hadrat Jabir (r.a.) reports that the Prophet (saws) would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a Surah of the Qu'ran. He (saws) said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and recite the supplication of Istakhara.
Related by Al-Bukhari.

 

Saad ibn Waqas (r.a.) reported that the Prophet (saws) said, "Istikharah (seeking guidance from Allah) is one of the distinct favors (of Allah) upon man, and a good fortune for the son of Adam is to be pleased with the Judgment of Allah. And a misfortune of the son of Adam is his failure to make istikharah, and a misfortune for the son of Adam is his displeasure with the Judgment of Allah."

 

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our ardent advice to you would be to follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and perform this simple Istakharah prayer and supplicate your Lord to help you and guide you to a decision that is Pleasing to Him and is best for you in your life in this world and the Hereafter. Then wherever the matter settles, and whatever transpires after you have put your full trust in your Lord Most Gracious, know with conviction that that was the absolute best decision.

 

The following is from the book "Selected Prayers"
compiled by Dr. Jamal Badawi.

"When seeking guidance in decision-making (Istikharah)"

Allahomma Inni Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka
min Fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam.
Wa'anta-'allamul ghuyoob.

Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi
Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.

Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi.
Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur
leyal-khayr Haytho kan. Thomma ardini Bih.


Translation of du'a:
O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your
knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your
great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are
the Knower of hidden things.
O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me,
make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this
matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and
in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And
ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.

Notes:
1. The above du'a is to be recited when there is uncertainty about the
advisability of taking a decision, provided it is Islamically permissable.
2. After performing wudu' (ablution), one should offer two rakahs (sunnah
required for this purpose).
3. Before reciting the dua' it should be made sure that the person is not
already inclined to a given decision; otherwise it will mean the person is
not serious about seeking guidance from Allah (SWT).
4. In making this dua' the actual matter or decision concerning which divine
guidance is being sought should be mentioned instead of the words (Hathal
Amra) in transliteration or the words "this matter" in the translation
above.
5. After reciting the dua' (immediately or later on), one may feel more
favorably disposed toward one choice or the other.


Salatul istekharah
from the book Fiqh us-Sunnah by As-Sayyid Sabiq
It is a sunnah that, if one must choose between permissible alternatives,
one should pray two rak'as sunnah, be they regular sunnah prayers or a
prayer for entering a mosque, and so on, during any time of the day or
night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Qu'ran after
reciting Al-Fatiha. Then one should praise Allah and send salutations to the
Prophet, peace be upon him, and recite the following supplication which has
been recorded by Bukhari in Jabir's narration:

"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our
affairs as he would teach us a surah of the Qu'ran. He said 'if one of you
is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and say:
"O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give
me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have
power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters. O Allah! If you
know that this matter (then mention it) is good for me in my religion, my
livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and
future life') then ordain it for me, make it (easy) for me and bless it for
me. And if You know that this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood
and my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life')
then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain the good for
me wherever it be and make me be pleased with it."
There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be
recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many
times one should repeat it.
An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikhara, a person must do what
he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should
not insist on doing what he has desired to do before making the istikhara.
And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do,
otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice of Allah, and would not be
honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking
Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what one oneself
desired or determined."

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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