My wife, as I had mentioned was a non-muslim, and used to date and was involved in pre-marital sex.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalaam-o-Alaikum Dear Brother. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. May Allah reward you for your service in this duniya and in the aakhirah.
My situation is as follows: I am married to a revert who is mashaAllah a very good muslimah. She covers, offers her prayers on time, and strives very hard to learn as much as she can about our Deen with a lot of faith, enthusiasm, and conviction.
I saw these qualities in her when I sought her hand in marrige and these qualities were decisive in my decision to marry her.
She is an exceptional wife and we have a pretty happy marriage by the grace of Allah. We`ve been married for a little over a year now. But I have been having this problem since we got married. She`s not aware as I have never mentioned this to her and I`m afraid that if I do it would affect the sanity of the both of us (instead of just me) and would lower her self-esteem and could probably destroy the marriage.
My wife, as I had mentioned was a non-muslim, and used to date and was involved in pre-marital sex. She did not want to mislead me or have any misunderstandings before she married me and she informed me that she was not a virgin. At the time I did not think it would affect me. Because after all, she has repented and accepted Islam and inshAllah her sins would have been erased. She would be pure and clean like no man has ever touched her.
But after we got married, this issue started to bother me very very much. I believe I suffer from OCD as I get obsessive-compulsive thoughts all the time about anything and everything. I have not been clinically diagnosed but I`ve been suffering from it for many many years now and I`m certain abut it. So, it doesn`t alleviate the matter that I suffer from OCD at the same time.
I get all these thoughts of her... and it agonizes me. I love her very much and I can see how much she strives to be a good wife and a good muslimah. But if i could turn back time, I would not have married a non-virgin.
I am in a constant state of agony and mental torture and I don`t know how long I can keep this within me before I explode.
Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
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Deeds before Islam
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Statement: Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. May Allah reward you for your service in this duniya and in the aakhirah.
May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.
Your Question: I am in a constant state of agony and mental torture and I don`t know how long I can keep this within me before I explode.
Amr ibn al-As said: "When Allah guided me to Islam, I went to the Prophet (saws) and said to him: 'O Prophet of Allah (saws)! Stretch out your hand so that I may pledge my allegiance to you.' The Prophet (saws) stretched out his hand to me, but I withdrew my hand. The Prophet (saws) asked: 'O Amr! what is the matter with you?' I said: 'I would like to stipulate a condition!' The Prophet (saws) asked: 'What is it?' I said: 'That all my past sins be forgiven!' The Prophet (saws) replied: 'O Amr! Do you not know that (acceptance of) Islam wipes off all past sins, and Hijrah (leaving ones home and hearth for Allah's Cause) wipes off all sins, and (similarly) Hajj wipes off all past sins!"'
Related by Muslim.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:
The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth. When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them, they say, Peace to you; (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, O our Lord, save us from the torment of Hell, for its torment is killing! It is an evil abode, and an evil resting place. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly, but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone, nor kill a soul unjustly, which Allah has forbidden, nor commit adultery He who does this shall be punished for his sin, and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For then, Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds, and He is very Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly should!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, whatever deeds your wife might have done in her past, the day Allah Subhanah bestowed His Mercy upon her and opened her heart to accept Islam as her way of life, the Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful wiped out every single iota of sin she ever committed in her past life from her book of records!
Thus my beloved brother, when Allah Subhanah, The Majestic and Supreme Lord of the Worlds, has Himself completely forgiven and obliterated someone their deeds they did in their ignorance in their past.it would not behove and befit a believing slave of the Lord to hold even an iota of ill-will or grudge against that person.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 22:
22 Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen those in want and those who have left their homes in Allah's cause: let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, you must, and I reiterate must bring yourself to overlook completely the deeds done by your wife in her days of ignorance before Islam and never never ever even bring up that subject or hold even an iota of grudge or ill-will for what transpired in her past, especially when Allah Subhanah Himself has wiped out those deeds from her book of records. Would you not wish that The Lord Most Gracious forgive your own sins you might have done in your past???
Thus my beloved and respected brother, just as Allah Subhanah has obliterated and completely forgiven the deeds of your wife she might have done in her days of ignorance, you too should bring yourself to completely overlook those deeds, and never ever let the Shaytaan even whisper or remind you of those deeds of your wife. That would be akin to piety and righteousness on your part in the Sight of your Lord.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,