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We have taken our relationship one step further then we should and it was islamically wrong.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I have met this girl and she is what i want she will look after my family and everything and we have taken our relationship one step further then we should and it was islamically wrong.  I want to marry her biut i do not know the right way to go about it.  I have had sex with her so will it be wrong for me to not marry her?

 

Please help me 

Allahafiz

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

Sex Before Marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Statement: we have taken our relationship one step further then we should and it was islamically wrong.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

 

Beloved Brother in Islam, Allah Subhanah has absolutely forbidden for a believer to develop or form a lewd or secret relationship with a non-mehram woman. All Praise is due to Allah Alone Who has blessed you to realize that you have crossed His Declared Boundaries and done a thing which is a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.

 


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

 

Beloved Brother in Islam, regardless of whatever error you have done, turn to your Lord in sincere repentance and seek His forgiveness; it is expected you will find your Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 

Your Question: I want to marry her biut i do not know the right way to go about it.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah

We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

 

Islam has made the process of marriage a very easy and simple affair, and has encouraged the believers to marry.so much so that the Messenger of Allah (saws) called marriage half of the deen!

 

All one has to do when one wishes to marry is, either himself or through someone else, approach the parents or guardians of the girl and seek their permission to marry their daughter. The parents will then seek the consent of their daughter, and once she accepts the proposal, the next process in marriage are extremely simple.

 

You will need to offer a mehr or marriage gift to your prospective bride according to your ability, and if all the above conditions are agreed in the presence of at least two witnesses, you can be married to the girl.

 

Thus, in effect, the obligatory conditions of an Islamic marriage are:

  1. Proposal and acceptance.
  2. Determination of the mehr.
  3. Consent of the parents or guardians of the bride.
  4. The presence of at least two witnesses.

 

To legalize the marriage in the sight of law, you might need to approach a Qadi or Judge who has been vested with the authority by the government to join people in matrimony, and if all the above conditions of Islamic marriage are fulfilled, it should not take more than a few minutes to solemnize your marriage.

 

It is a highly encouraged and preferred Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws) for the groom to offer a walima or marriage feast after the solemnization of ones marriage.

 

Your Question: I have had sex with her so will it be wrong for me to not marry her?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Nur verse 3:

3 Let no man guilty of zina (adultery or fornication) marry any but a woman similarly guilty or an unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.

 

Such is the gravity of the evil sin of zina in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, that He has forbidden the believers to marry one guilty of this grave and heinous sin! But as is the principle in Islam, if one is guilty of zina and seeks sincere repentance from the Lord Most Merciful and subsequently amends his conduct, Allah Subhanah will delete the sin from his Book of Records.

 

Thus to answer your question, if the two of you have sought sincere forgiveness from your Lord Most Merciful, there is no harm if the two of you wish to get married and live your lives within the boundaries of Islam. But if you feel that your partner is not sincerely repentant and is likely to carry out the same sin again, it would be best not to marry her and seek someone else in marriage.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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