After burying our dead, many of our family members mourn for a period of 40 days. On the 4th day after the death of the deceased is a qul ka khatam followed by 3 more khatams on the 10th, 33rd and 40th day
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamoalaikum Burhan Bhai.
My question today is regarding the post death ritual observed by our family.
After burying our dead, many of our family members mourn for a period of 40 days. On the 4th day after the death of the deceased is a qul ka khatam followed by 3 more khatams on the 10th, 33rd and 40th day.
Respected brother, during my childhood I saw this happening and its continued to happen till date. At the time I didnt have a better understanding of Islam, compared to now.
Now, when I try to tell members of my family that what they do is wrong, they feel Im being led astray by what I read on the Internet!
Can you kindly explain to me how I can convince my family to stop doing this? And secondly, please let me know what was the sunnat of our holy prophet hadhrat Mohammad-e-Mustapha (Salalaho Aleihai Wasalam) on the passing away of a brother/sister in Islam.
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Burial and rituals
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Your Question: please let me know what was
the sunnat of our holy prophet hadhrat Mohammad-e-Mustapha (Salalaho Aleihai
Wasalam) on the passing away of a brother/sister in Islam.
When one amongst the noble companions or family members of the Prophet (saws) passed away, the absolute first thing the Prophet (saws) would do upon hearing the news would be to declare the statement: Inna lillahe wa inna ilayhe rajeoon (From Allah we have come, and to Him Alone is our return).
The next thing the Prophet (saws) would do is prepare to give their deceased brother/sister in faith an honorable burial and encouraged the believers to participate for the burial prayers and sincerely seek forgiveness for them in their supplications.
He (saws) encouraged the believers to visit the bereaved family of the deceased and encouraged that close friends and neighbors provide food for the immediate family, preferably for a period of three days.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 2.371 Narrated by Zainab bint Abi Salama
I went to Um Habiba, the wife of Prophet (saws), who said, "I heard the Prophet (saws) saying, 'It is not lawful for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for her husband, (for whom she should mourn) for four months and ten days'."
The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided that it was not lawful for the believers to mourn for any deceased for more than three days except for a widow, whose period of mourning is four months and ten days. It is encouraged that the believers visit the bereaved family members of the deceased during this period, provide them with food, share in their grief, guide them towards patience and constancy, and help them in whatever way possible.
Other than the above, there is absolutely no example of the Prophet (saws) ever allowing or encouraging the reading of khatams, or allowing the reciting of Quls, or specifying further days or any kinds of rituals like the 4th, 9th, 10th, 30th, 40th days of mourning, or feeding, or doing any ritual for or in the name of the deceased!
All such rituals like the Khatams, the Quls, the fatihah feeding, etc., or the specified further days of mourning like the 4th, 9th, 10th, 30th, or 40th have absolutely nothing to do with the Sunnah or practice of the Messenger of Allah (saws) or his noble companions; but these are absolutely manifest innovations which some unscrupulous and ignorant people have invented and added without any authority, long after the death of the Messenger of Allah (saws)! The believers who sincerely believe in Allah and the Last Day must fear Allah, and strive to follow only the example of the Messenger of Allah (saws); and strive their utmost to absolutely abstain from following any and all innovations.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 1885 Narrated by Jabir ibn Abdullah
That the Prophet of Allah (saws) said in a sermon: The best speech is that which is embodied in the Book of Allah, the Al Quran; and the best guidance is the guidance given by me, Mohamed (saws). The most evil affairs are the innovations (bida), and every innovation (bida) is an error.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4515 Narrated by Ali ibn AbuTalib
That the Prophet of Allah (saws) said: If anyone introduces an innovation (bida in religion), he will be responsible for it. If anyone introduces an innovation (bida) or gives shelter to a man who introduces an innovation (bida), he is cursed by Allah, by His Angels, and by all the people!
Your Question: Can you kindly explain to me how I can convince my family to stop doing this?
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one amongst the most difficult things to do is to try to stop or discourage people who are ignorant of the Laws of Islam, from doing an innovated rite or ritual! Nothing discharges more turmoil and arguments and ill-will than when one tries to stop or discourage an innovated act, or rite, or ritual in Islam; thus as much as those who sincerely fear Allah must remain absolutely firm and steadfast in following only what is prescribed and allowed in the authentic practice and Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws), one must be absolutely careful and prudent not to start an argument or fight or fitnah amongst the believers.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 79 Narrated by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri
I heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) as saying: He who amongst you sees something abominable should modify it with the help of his hand; and if he has not strength enough to do it, then he should do it with his tongue; and if he has not strength enough to do it, (even) then he should (abhor it) from his heart and that is the least of faith.
If you are in a position of authority in the family (you are the father or respected elder of the family where the death has taken place), then it would be your duty in Islam to bring an immediate end to any and all innovations that you see are taking place in your house or area of responsibility.
That would be fulfilling the command of the Prophet (saws) to modify the evil with your hand or by force.
If you are not in a position of authority in the family, but have access to the person who has the final authority in the family..then you must approach that person and with extreme humility, care, and wisdom (but with absolute firmness) invite the person to fear Allah and guide him as his sincere well-wisher to put an end to the abominable innovations taking place in his authority and in his house in the name of Islam. If the person in authority heeds to your advice and stops the innovations, fine; and if the person in authority refuses to heed to your good caution and wishes to continue doing the innovations, you would have fulfilled your duty in warning him. In absolutely all cases and situations, under no circumstances, should you yourself and those who are under your immediate authority (like wife, children, etc.) are to participate in these innovations.
Such an act would be fulfilling the command of the Prophet (saws) to modify the evil with ones tongue.
If you are neither in a position of authority in the family or gathering where the evil innovations are taking place, nor do you have access to the person who is in authority, then you and those who are under your immediate authority (like wife, children, etc.) must in your hearts recognize and abhor the abomination of these evil innovations, and absolutely abstain from participating in all such innovated rites and rituals which have absolutely nothing to do with Islam.
Such an act would be fulfilling the command of the Prophet (saws) to abhor the evil from ones heart, which is indeed the least of faith.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,