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I've a son, a 15 year old who is very naughty. He refused to hear what I have to say about good things and does all the opposite

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I've a son, a 15 year old who is very naughty. He refused to hear what I have to say about good things and does all the opposite. Lately we brought him to the specialist and they diagnosed him of having ADD - medical terms for Attention Deficiency Disorder.

the specialist confirmed that these ADD person have lack to focus, difficulties to focus - to my term it's just plain lazy.

I know that children are for parents to raise and nurture. We parents have given him all the best the world can give. Good Food, cloth, education both acedemic and islamic studies ( reciting, prayers and etc). But he's becoming the opposite side of what we expect him to be.

 

Is this call fate - qada' and qadar. Is he born to be a naughty and nasty and disrespectful to the parents. Is it because of our previous sin that brought god to test us on our patience. Please help us. Thank you.

 

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Answer:

 

Undutiful son

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Question: Is this call fate - qada' and qadar. Is he born to be a naughty and nasty and disrespectful to the parents.

It is indeed the prescribed duty of parents and guardians to love, honor, cherish, and nurture their off-spring towards being righteous and pious and good wholesome citizens of mankind. If the parents have strived their best to instill righteousness and piety into their children, and their children for some reason become unrighteous and impious, they will not be responsible for the deeds of their children in the Court of Allah Subhanah.

 

But if there has been an amount of negligence or deficiency in the efforts of the parents to instill piety and righteousness during the learning age of their children, they indeed will be held partly accountable for not fulfilling their duty and responsibility towards their children in the Court of the Lord All-Knowing, All-Wise.


 

Allah presents the example of the son of Prophet Nuh (a.s.) who was unrighteous according to the Glorious Quran! One can only imagine the necessary striving a pious slave-servant and a Noble Prophet of the status and rank of Hadrat Nuh (a.s.) must have expensed on his sonbut in spite of that, the son was undutiful, impious and unrighteous; not because of any lack of effort from his noble father, nor because of qada or qadar or destiny or fate, but because the son himself, of his own free will and deviation chose the path of evil! Thus the son alone will be responsible in the Majestic Presence of the Lord Most High for his evil.

 

Your Question: Is it because of our previous sin that brought god to test us on our patience.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah Anbiyaa verse 35:

35 Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good (conditions) by way of trial: to Us must ye return.

 

Beloved brother, this short and transitory life of earth is no more than a period of tests and trial ordained by the Lord whereby He puts each in good or bad conditions to see whether man is grateful and patient, or ungrateful and impatient. It is only on the Day of Judgment where each will be rewarded or punished according to the deeds one did during his ordained test period of life.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verses 155-157:

155 Be sure We shall test you with something of fear, and hunger, some loss in goods, or lives, or the fruits (of your toil); but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.

156 Who say when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return."

157 They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.

 

Rest assured that the condition of your son or his behavior toward you is not a result of your previous deeds or sins; but rather something the son has of his own free will chosen to do, and a means of trial for you and him.

 

Your Statement: Please help us.

Dear and beloved brother, if your child as you have stated has already reached the age of fifteen, then it is obvious that his age of weaning or parental influence or earning guidance from his parents are probably coming to an end. At this late age of rebellion on the threshold of adulthood, and especially in this modern-educated-freedom-loving-but ungodly day and age, it would only be prudent of a parent to try and influence their teen-age children with love, patience, sacrifice and wisdom rather than force or coercion.

 

Beloved brother in Islam, with patience and with wisdom strive and try to the best of your ability to instill the fear of Allah Subhanah into your child; for that one fear of standing in the Tribunal of the Lord Most High to give a full accounting of ones deeds alone has the power to change the attitude of even the most obnoxious transgressors!

 

Had the child been engrained with the belief that second only to the abomination and unforgivable crime of shirk or associating other deities with Allah in worship is being undutiful to ones parents in the Sight of the Lord Creator, the attitude and relationship between every believing parent and child would be significantly different from what is in vogue today.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Greatest Sins. He (saws) said, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill, i.e. to commit the crime of murdering),

 

Beloved brother in Islam, whatever the conditions of trials has ordained for you, never never ever lose hope or despair of the Mercy of your Lord. Remain absolutely constant in your supplications to Him for you and your son, and implore Him in absolute humility and hope to have Mercy on you and your off-spring and guide you all to the path that is Pleasing and Acceptable to Him; it is expected that your Lord Most Gracious will help and deliver you and your loved ones from every harm.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 

 


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