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I got married some 1 and a half yrs ago. At the time of marriage i was at a very weak point in life. I hated myself and considered myself to be very unattractive.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Asalaam Alaikum brother.


I got married some 1 and a half yrs ago. At the time of marriage i was at a very weak point in life. I hated myself and considered myself to be very unattractive. Because of these reasons i feel i didnt make the correct choice in marriage. I ended up, with the heavy involvement of my parents, marrying a distant relative from abroad. I didnt know him at all but i was told he would make me very happy and the rest was history. So i foolishly agreed.

He arrived in the UK about 6 mths ago and he have been living together under one roof since then. But not as husband and wife. I have learnt that he has little islamic knowledge, he is very illiterate, he cannot read the quran, etc.

And also i dont feel any physical attraction towards him at all!!! there is not one characteristic or quality that i can pick out and work from. I dont know what to do because we have not consumated our marriage since it started and i have no intention of doing so. I feel i was cheated in this marriage. But i know my family would be very upset and i feel alone in regards to this issue. I would be so grateful if you could shed some light as to where i should turn or what i should do.


jazak allah 

 

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Answer:

 

Sister Bad Marriage


In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Dear and beloved sister in Islam, as long as you have agreed to the marriage, the marriage will be legal and valid in the Sight of Allah Subhanah and Islamic Law; and as long as you are legally wedded to your husband, it is your duty in Islam to fulfill all your rights in marriage to your husband. If you do abstain from fulfilling any rights due to your husband in marriage, you will be held accountable for your lapse and transgression in the Just and Majestic Presence of the Lord Most High on the Inevitable Day of Judgment.

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

 

If as you say you cannot even find one good characteristic in your husband which you can build upon and try to save your marriage, then you are well within your rights in Islam to seek a permanent separation from your husband through the initiation of divorce; thus setting him and yourself free to marry someone else and seek happiness. As much as Allah has made divorce lawful in Islam, it is amongst the most detestable things in Islam and the Messenger of Allah (saws) said that if a woman initiates a divorce from her husband without a very strong reason, even the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her!

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

The Prophet (saws) said: Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce.

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib

The Prophet (saws) said: Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218 Narrated by Thawban

The Prophet (saws) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, (even) the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her!

 

The decision is entirely yours sister. If there is even half a chance of making a compromise and saving your marriage, you should take that half-chance and build upon it and save your marriage. But if you sincerely tried to save your marriage and not succeeded, and sincerely believe that there is just absolutely no way left except permanent separation, then you are well within your rights to exercise your option to initiate a divorce and set yourself and your husband free from this marriage.

 

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our humble pleading to you would be to fear Allah and try everything in your power and to the limit of your patience to save your marriage. If you are indeed sincere in your efforts to save your marriage, not only will Allah Subhanah find you a way, but He will reward you magnanimously for your efforts and your patience.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

 

Burhan

 


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