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I am 22 yrs old...married and happy with my husband...but b4 my wedding i liked a boy a lot...but bcos it wud cos too much problems we decided to give up on our love for the sake of our parents...

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear brother


assalamu alaikum...


i have asked quite a few questions in your forum...and all the answers have been very helpful to me...and have cleared my mind...i would like to thank you for personally answering to my problems...


i hope this will be my last email and all my problems will be solved ...insha allah,..


i am 22 yrs old...married and happy with my husband...but b4 my wedding i liked a boy a lot...but bcos it wud cos too much problems we decided to give up on our love for the sake of our parents...


ive always wanted to go to heaven...but now my wish to go to heaven has bcome even more stronger...bcos i want to meet my frd atleast in the next life and live happily with him for all eternity...he told me he has the same wishes too...are my intentions to go to heaven rong?.

are my intentions silly and is it a sin to think that i shud go to heaven just to live with a boy whom i loved?.


even tho there is absolutely no contact between that boy and me...i still have thoughts of him...whnever i am doing certain things or listening to a certain song...memories flood back into my head...i miss him sometime and sometimes i feel everything happens for a reason and let it at that..

is it rong to have his memories enter my head?..

it is not always intentional...sometimes it jus happens...and i keep thinking of hm for sometime and thn it passes away.


is it rong to have his memories in my head?

is my thinking natural?.


even tho we dont talk now...i pray for him every day after my 5 prayers and at nite...i havent forgotten him 1 bit...i pray that he shud get a good job ...come up in life...face difficulties and and be a god fearing person and that allah shud show him the strt path...

is it ok if i pray for him?...or is it rong to pray for another man?..


all said and done ...i know it is a sin to talk to a boy and love him b4 marriage..and i know i shud ask repentance to god...but i also know that he changed my life in a lot of ways...i started doing extra prayers...i became a better person altogether......and after we parted,,,my intentions to b good have bcome even more stronger...we mostly chatted and spoke over the fone...we did say a few silly things to each other and called each other sweet names...apart from we never talked bt sex and all that...


i know it is a sin...and i know that if god shud forgive me i shud feel ashamed of it...but i dont feel ashamed bcos i know that it was him who changed me...


how can i feel ashamed of the best thing that happened in my life and changed my life for the better?..
i feel sorry for a few things i know i shudnt have told to him...i ask repentance many many times every single day..and i hope god will forgive me...

but will god forgive me without me being ashamed for wat i did.? ..i am partly ashamed for some things,,,,but mostly i am glad he changed my life and made my life more focussed.


lastly ive told u bt my situations...pls advice me as to wat i shud do to go to heaven as a 22 yr old girl..i am also pregnant,,,i want all my doubts to be cleared ..so i can have my first baby in peace,.,


pls help me and advice me...

 

ive read that every muslim shud tell abt his religion to other ppl...i dont work and i am not very much in contact with other ppl...how do i do dawa?..

pls help me

 

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Answer:

 

Thoughts of another after marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 235 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said that Allah Subhanah Says: When it occurs to My bondsman that he should do a good deed but he actually does not do it, I record one good deed for him, but if he puts it into practice, I make an entry of ten good acts in his favour. When it occurs to him to do evil, but he does not commit it, I forgive that. But if he commits it, I record one evil deed against his name. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said the Angels said: That bondsman of yours intends to commit evil, though His Lord is more Vigilant than he! Upon this He (the Lord) said: Watch him; if he commits (evil), write it against his name, but if he refrains from doing it, write one good deed for him, for he desisted from doing it for My sake. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: He who amongst you is of good faith, all his good acts are multiplied from ten to seven hundred times (and are recorded in his name) and all the evils that he commits are recorded as such (i.e. without increase) until he meets Allah.

 

If an evil thought occurs unintentionally to mind and the person does not take his thought to action, in light of the above quoted hadith, there is no sin recorded against the person in his Book of Records. Allah Subhanahs Mercy is such that if it occurs to one to do an evil act, but he does not actually do it, Allah Subhanah forgives the person that thought and the Angels do not record it in the Book of Records. And if the person refrains from doing the evil only for the Sake and Fear of Allah, not only does the Lord Most Gracious forgive him his fault, but it is recorded as a good deed!

 

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, one should not take this Mercy of Allah Subhanah as a license to intentionally bring about and constantly fantasize about something unlawful; for that would indeed be making a mockery of the Mercy and Grace of our Lord Most Merciful. This forgiveness only applies to random and unintentional thoughts that the Shaytaan whispers to our hearts.

 

Your Questions: and i keep thinking of hm for sometime and thn it passes away. is it rong to have his memories in my head? is my thinking natural?.

Dear and Beloved Sister, love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind! What determines virtue and sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!

 

It is only natural that when one has been so close to someone in ones past, the memories of ones past might come to mind. As much as one might try, one might not be able to control ones thoughts and memories; but that does not in any way mean when something unlawful comes to mind, one starts fantasizing or enjoying those moments!


 

Beloved sister, although you will not be held accountable in the Court of your Lord for your random thoughts, it would be best to remember that you are now married and committed in the sacred union of marriage to another man. For a believing woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to intentionally think and fantasize about someone else other than her husband would indeed be against the very nature of piety and righteousness.

 

It would be best and in the elements of piety and righteousness to leave ones past in ones past; for if Allah forbid, if ever the accursed enemy of man, the Shaytaan were to sway your emotions and if ever, in a moment of weakness, he were to inspire you to take steps to contact or associate with another man out of marriage, it would indeed be a grave sin in the Sight of Allah.

 

Your Question: is it ok if i pray for him?...or is it rong to pray for another man?..

There is absolutely no harm, in fact it is absolutely encouraged in Islam that the believers have mercy on each other and supplicate their Lord Most Gracious to have Mercy and Grace on their believing brethren.

 

But because of the unlawful nature of the relationship you had with this brother before your marriage, it would be best to leave your past in the past and not allow yourself to be swayed by his constant thoughts and memories. Whenever the persons thoughts come to mind, seek the refuge of Allah from the whispering of the Shaytaan and strive to occupy yourself in doing something useful.

 

Your Statement: i know it is a sin...and i know that if god shud forgive me i shud feel ashamed of it...but i dont feel ashamed bcos i know that it was him who changed me...

My beloved sister in Islam, as much as the brother might have been good and as much as he might have helped you become a better person, you must remember and realize that that relationship before marriage was absolutely detestable and hateful in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. Whatever might have been the case, you must count your blessings, favors and grace of your Lord that nothing untoward took place between the two of you before marriage, for then indeed not only would your life in this world be effected, but the accounting in the Court of your Lord would have been extremely severe and everlasting.

 

The human soul is always prone to error and sin, and my beloved sister, it is nothing but the Mercy and Grace of your Lord that he saved you from going any further than you did in your unlawful relationship with a man before marriage.

 

If only you could bring to mind the disaster and the abyss that your Lord Most Gracious saved you from, you would indeed feel sorry and ashamed at your transgression of your Lords Laws and turn back to Him seeking sincere repentance.

 

Your Statement: i feel sorry for a few things i know i shudnt have told to him...i ask repentance many many times every single day..and i hope god will forgive me...

The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

One is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.

Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.

Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his appointment of death.

Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.

 

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54: (O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54: When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

 

Your Question: but will god forgive me without me being ashamed for wat i did.?

It is indeed an obligatory condition of seeking repentance that one admits ones errors, and is sorry and ashamed at ones unlawful transgressions of the Laws and Commands of ones Lord Most High.

 

If one is not sorry or ashamed at ones sins and errors, it in fact implies arrogance and fearlessness of ones transgressions of the Laws and Commands of their Lord Most Supreme; and none in creation has the right or the audacity or the dare to turn or approach his Lord in arrogance and fearlessness!

 

Your Question: lastly ive told u bt my situations...pls advice me as to wat i shud do to go to heaven as a 22 yr old girl..i am also pregnant,,,i want all my doubts to be cleared ..so i can have my first baby in peace,.,

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 103 Surah Al-Asr verses 1-3:

1 By (the token of) time.

2 Verily man is in loss

3 Except such as have Faith and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, and of Patience and Constancy.

 

Time and again Allah Subhanah relates in His Glorious Quran that the two conditions that will enable one to enter Paradise is faith and righteous good deeds; and the one thing that inspires one to faith and to do righteous good deeds is taqwa or the fear of Allah Subhanah! The more taqwa one is able to develop in ones heart of the Lord Most Gracious, the closer he will find himself to the Mercy of their Lord.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 79 Surah Naziat verses 34-41:

34 Therefore when there comes the Great Overwhelming (Event, ie: The Day of Judgment!)

35 The Day when Man shall remember (all) that he strove for

36 And Hell-Fire shall be placed in full view for (all) to see

37 Then for such as had transgressed all bounds

38 And had preferred the life of this world

39 Their Abode will be Hell-Fire;

40 And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from Lower Desires

41 Their Abode will be the Garden.

 

To develop taqwa or fear of Allah, the absolute first thing one needs to do is to recognize who exactly is his Lord and Creator, why has He created everything in existence, why has He created you on this earth, what deeds are Pleasing to Him, what deeds bring about His Wrath and Anger, what exactly are His Rewards promised for His righteous and obedient slaves, and what punishments await those who deny and disobey Him?

 

Taqwa means to abstain from doing anything that would bring about the Wrath and Displeasure of the Lord All-Mighty; and to do deeds of righteousness which are commanded by Allah and His Messenger (saws). Taqwa is to live every moment of ones life with the solemn belief that on One Inevitable Day every soul will be brought forth in the Presence of the Majestic Lord to give a full accounting of every one of his deeds. Taqwa is to determine before doing anything whether the Lord Most Merciful will be Pleased or Dis-pleased with the deed; if one determines that the Lord will be pleased with the deed, he must do it wholeheartedly; and if one determines that the deed would bring about the displeasure and Wrath of Allah Subhanah, he must immediately abstain from it. Taqwa is to live every moment of ones life consciously striving to do deeds which would earn him the Pleasure and Good Will of the Lord Most Merciful, and abstain from doing deeds which would bring about His displeasure and Wrath.

 

If one studies the Glorious Quran, one would realize that more often than not, wherever Allah Subhanah Promises His slaves the Eternal Gardens of Paradise, the manifestation of the term taqwa is almost always associated with it!

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 133: Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth; prepared for the Muttaqeen.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 50 Surah Qaaf verses 31-33:

31 And the Garden will be brought nigh to the Muttaqeen, no more a thing distant.

32 (A voice will say:) "This is what was promised for you, for everyone who turned (to Allah) in sincere repentance who kept (his law).

33 "Who feared (Allah) Most Gracious unseen and brought a heart turned in devotion (to Him):

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 52 Surah Tur verses 17-18:

17 As to the Muttaqeen they will be in Gardens and in Happiness

18 Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord hath bestowed on them and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the Fire.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah Qalam verse 34: Verily for the Muttaqeen are Gardens of Delight in the Presence of their Lord.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 31: Gardens of Eternity which they will enter: beneath them flow (pleasant) rivers: they will have therein all that they wish: thus doth Allah reward the Muttaqeen

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verses 15-16:

15 Say: "Is that (fire) better or the eternal Gardens promised to the Muttaqeen? For them that is a reward as well as a goal (of attainment).

16 "For them there will be therein all that they wish for: they will dwell (there) for aye: a promise to be prayed for from thy Lord."

 

Nothing develops taqwa in our hearts than the constant remembrance of Allah, and the absolutely best way to remember Allah is attach oneself to the understanding and implementation of the Wise counsel of the Glorious Quran!

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your Brother in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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