My question on what occasions can a man hit his wife & did our prophet ever do so?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
please
quote the holy quran & hadith when u replyto my question on what occasions
can a man hit his wife & did our prophet ever do so?
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Answer:
Hit Wife
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question:
on what occasions can a man hit his wife
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verses 34-35:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous women are
devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have
them guard. As to those women on whose
part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse
to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they
return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is
Most High Great (above you all).
35 If ye fear a breach between them twain appoint (two) arbiters, one
from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for peace Allah will
cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge and is acquainted
with all things.
The above aayah of Surah Nisa
has been a mode of challenge for many of the disbelievers, who challenge the
Quran and the deen of Islam. They have
always used this aayah to prove to the world that Islam allows the subjugation
and abuse of women. Allah is our
witness, nothing could be further far from the truth, in the context of the
Holy Quran and in the context of the wisdom and guidance of Islam.
It is obvious from the above
aayah that Allah has not created man and woman as equals in Islam. This term of ‘equality’ between man and woman
is a unnatural philosophy propagated by the ignorant and ungodly cultures. They have propagated man and woman as
‘equal’, and in doing so, they have ‘separated’ them and their sacred unity.
Although there are many discrepancies in the west making man and woman as
equals, they have partly succeeded in making them ‘equal and separate’.
The Islamic viewpoint, in light
and guidance of the Holy Quran is that Allah has created man and woman as
‘balanced’, each with its own sphere of
equally important responsibilities. If
we follow Allah and His Messenger (saws), and the guidance of the Holy Quran,
we will be able to treat man and woman as ‘balanced and united’, rather than
‘equal and separate’ as propagated by the ungodly societies.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah
Rum verse 21:
21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect.
Allah created man, and from the
man created his mate, to be his partner and his comfort. Allah says in the Holy Quran, that He has put
love and mercy between the husband and wife in the sacred union of marriage, so
that they may enjoy each others company and live a harmonious life in mutual
respect and unity.
In the above quoted Aayah of
Surah Nisaa, The Creator gives guidance about the characteristics of a virtuous
and righteous woman. She is obedient to
her husband (as long as the boundaries set by Allah are not violated). She guards her rights of chastity for her
husband. She guards the husbands
property and children and the property in his absence. And she does all these duties under the care
and watch of her All-Knowing, All-Seeing Lord, Allah Subhanah.
But if the husband fears that
the wife is transgressing the boundaries of Allah, Allah has given him 5
options to resolve the matter, four of which are mentioned in the above quoted
verses 34-35 of Surah Nisaa.
Option 1: Admonish them.
Quran 4:34: ‘As to
those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them’
Basically means guide them, talk
to them, advice them, and let them know
that they are transgressing the boundaries set by Allah and His Messenger
(saws). The scholars are of the
opinion, that it is not enough that they should be admonished once, but the
husband must be merciful and give them plenty of time to realize their mistake,
and come back to the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).
Option 2: Keep them apart from their beds.
Quran 4:34: ‘(next)
refuse to share their beds’
Basically means, that after
talking to them and guiding them several times, and the wife still does not
listen, then as an extreme measure, and a clear sign of your disappointment
with them, punish them (and himself) by not having intimate relations with
them. Because sometimes, if might
happen, that the wife might think that the husband is serious about their admonition and that they might back off at a
later stage, and she does not comply. To let her know that the husband is
extremely serious about the particular issue,
the husband may take option 2, to
signify his intention that he are extremely serious about it.
In most cases, if the woman is
God Fearing, loves her husband, and wishes to save the marriage, the husband will
never ever need to go beyond this option.
But only in extreme cases where even after a lengthy admonition and
keeping away from their beds the wife still does not amend her conduct, the
husband is allowed to use the next option.
Option 3: Beat her.
Quran 4:34: ‘(and
last) beat them (lightly)’
After going through the motions
of admonishing her, and even keeping her
away from your bed, she is still in defiance, then Allah has recommended as a
final resort, to beat her lightly. That does not mean by any means that the
husband is allowed to abuse the woman and beat her black and blue! Allah is our witness, if any husband does so,
he will be brought to a severe account in the Majestic Presence of his Lord on
the Day of Judgment. The ‘beating’ is more of a symbolic, light beating (and
never on the face), but rather on the
back, as a sign of the husband’s
ultimate displeasure.
One must try to realize here, that the Lord Most Merciful is trying to save
the sacred sanctity of an Islamic marriage,
and has in His Mercy prescribed so many routes and options to be
followed in sequence, so that the
sanctity and unity of an Islamic marriage can be sustained.
Option 4: Arbitration.
Quran 4:35: ‘If ye
fear a breach between them twain appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family
and the other from hers; if they wish for peace Allah will cause their
reconciliation.’
If admonition, keeping away from their beds,
and even the light beating does not break the defiance of the wife, Allah
Subhanah has recommended that two righteous arbitrators be appointed, one from
the husband’s family and one from the wife’s family; and if the two parties
sincerely wish for a peaceful solution to the dispute between the husband and
the wife, Allah Subhanah will bring about a reconciliation and thus save the
sanctity of their marriage.
And finally, Option 4:
Divorce.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the lawful
acts’ the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did not make
anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’
A divorce in Islam is an
absolutely the very last resort and option, but just look at the mercy of Allah
here. The Islamic way to give divorce
is after one has tried and lost hope that any of the above four options will
work, one may take the final step of pronouncing a divorce. And here too, the husband is commanded to
pronounce only one revocable divorce, then wait for three monthly periods. During this time, the wife still stays in
the husband’s house, but they cannot enjoy intimacy unless they wish to
reconcile and settle their differences and live together in peace in their
marriage. If they wish to reconcile, the
husband and the wife can get together and the one revocable divorce that was
pronounced will be annulled; thus saving the sanctity of the sacred institution
of marriage. If after the three monthly
periods have elapsed, and there is no sign of reconciliation and the husband
and the wife wish to separate, the divorce will be established.
All these options are given, so
that the sanctity, sacredness, and unity of the marriage between two believing
slaves of Allah is maintained. The believers who are blessed to live a married
life will at time experience a situation where an issue becomes, for any reason
whatsoever, deadlocked. Almost all times
the issue is solved if both the partners fear Allah, and sincerely desire a
solution and seek a compromise in the
admonition stage. If the issue ever
does go beyond the stage of admonition to the separation of the beds, more
often than not, a compromise is reached and the issue gets solved. The next option of beating the wife lightly
is absolutely optional, and should only be applied if the husband sincerely
thinks that it might help in saving the marriage. If the husband beats his wife only to vent
his anger or to bolster his ego, and he himself does not wish to seek a
solution to the dispute to save the marriage, he is the one who will be the
wrong-doer and oppressor in the Sight of the All-Mighty Lord. One who sincerely wishes to save his marriage
may very well go to the next option of arbitration, and if even that does not
solve the issue, then and only then should one even think of the eventuality of
separation by pronouncing the divorce!
But in the unfortunate times we
live in today, divorce is pronounced on the most frivolous of issues, without
giving the marriage even a chance to survive; and the disastrous results of
divorce and broken families are bare for all to see! But Allah Subhanah in His Sublime and
Infinite Mercy towards the believers and their families, has guided the
believers to be extremely careful and try absolutely everything in their power
and ability to save the sanctity of the sacred union they once mutually agreed
and promised to honor.
Of all the ‘lawful’ acts,
nothing is more detestable to Allah Subhanah than a divorce between two people
who had once agreed and promised to honor, cherish, live their whole lives
together in peace and harmony.
Your
Question: did our prophet ever do so?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 21 Surah
Anbiyaa verse 107:
107 We sent thee (O Mohamed (saws)) but as a Mercy
for the Whole Universe.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah
Qalam verses 1-4:
1 Nun.
By the Pen and by the (Record) which (men) write
2 Thou (O Mohamed (saws)) art not by the
grace of thy Lord mad or possessed.
3 Nay verily for thee (O Mohamed (saws)) is
a Reward Unfailing:
4 And thou (O Prophet (saws)) standest) on an Exalted Standard
of Character.
Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzab verse 21:
There is indeed the best example
for you to follow, in the Messenger of Allah, for every such person looks
forward to Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah
Aaraat verse 157:
(So, now
mercy has been assigned to those) who follow this Messenger, the Gentile Prophet (Mohamed (saws)), whose mention they shall find in the Torah
and the Gospel with them. He enjoins
them to do good and forbids them from evil;
he makes pure things lawful for them and impure things unlawful; he relieves them of their burdens and frees
them from the shackles (of rites and rituals) that bound them. For this reason, those alone who believe in
him, support him, succour him, and
follow the Light that has been sent down with him shall attain true ‘success’.
Dear and Beloved Sister, Allah sent the Prophet Mohamed
(saws) but as a Mercy to the Whole Universe; The All-Knowing Lord Himself
Declares and Certifies in Truth that the Prophet Mohamed (saws) stands on the
most Exalted Standard of Character; the All-Wise Lord Himself Declares and
Certifies that there is no better example for the believers to follow in the
annuls of creation…… !!!
Allah is our witness Sister, far from any of his noble and
chaste wives ever claiming that the Prophet (saws) ever beat them, each and
every one of them swore to his sublime and supreme character, devotion, love and
mercy!
Whenever a dispute arose on anything, as is natural in any
married life, the Prophet (saws) would in mercy and patience admonish his
wives, and on one occasion he even stayed away from their beds for a whole
month….but never never ever did he (saws) ever lay his hand upon his wives in
anger!
Sahih Muslim Hadith 1623 Narrated by Sa'd
A time after the death of the Prophet (saws),
I asked
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Among the Muslims
the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is
excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well.’
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in
Islam,
Burhan
Wister